Clairvoyant

Hello hello hello I need a break from studying, so I'm here now. Hahaha. (:

Feeling better from yesterday, sleeping really does the trick. Cause like I said on my twitter, when I wake up, it's a brand new day again, and I feel heartened. On top of that, I decided that I should stop fretting. My rationale:

We all make right and wrong decisions in life. What matters the most is that at the moment of decision, you honestly felt that you would still be able to face up to your conscience and also to God, so that you wouldn't regret anything.

Hahaha I'm a philosophical freak I swear. Well, who knows what would happen in the future, so it's not your fault if things crop up eventually. I'm no clairvoyant. Oh yeah, another thing. I kinda realize that my blog is realllly torturous to read, as compared to many others. All the emotional pourouts. But not that I care, cause it's MY blog and it's up to me what to write about. I don't mind if no one reads it, cause it's not like people don't like talking to me in real life. Tsk! My blog's like my diary so I'll post whatever I want. 

Hahaha, back to studying soon. Considering giving up on chem. Just a thought though. We'll see how things go. (: Jiayou for promos, everyone!

Hopeless & helpless, Weaknesses & grievances

Facades. Fake. Complicated. Selfishness. All screwed up. And you can put the blame on me.
God, I'm following what you tell me about doing what's good and right, without expecting any returns. Maybe I didn't even expect negative returns either, that's why I'm destroying me myself I body mind soul spirit all in my own bare hands now.

I will blame it all on me.

Sympathy/empathy

Reading Twitter and blogs alone (note: I didn't even look at Facebook), I saw a whole bunch of people who're all screwed up already. Why is JC such an asshole, seriously. People are pulling their hair out over promos, and PW has to multiply that burden. And then there's the stress on you from parents and even everyone around you to do well, the pool of expectations we all drown in.

Argh. I'm so glad my EoM and WR are settled. But my promos.... I've wasted the past 4 days. 11 days left.. How much less disciplined can I get.. )':

Summary of the past few days:
Useful stuff I've done:
A little of every subject maybe

Useless stuff I've done:
Sleep
Watch tv
Sms
Tweet
Youtube
Bloghop
Fold stuff
... countless

I'm always procrastinating, distracted, and forever unable to finish my work, what the hell is wrong with me. Where did my sense of self-discipline go?
Oh, wait.

It was never there.

Release

It's good to talk to someone and just let it all out, cause holding back isn't healthy. Fly stress, fly!

Torn, dejection.

I'm just a regular teenager. I have my problems. In school, I'm already struggling to keep myself from breaking down, and when I reach home, all you do is find every tiny reason to scream at me. Which child doesn't yearn to be loved? You think that you're the only person breaking under the stress but have you realized I haved equally tough issues to face? Meeting up to expectations alone, is a heavy burden. How many nights has it been that my heavy eyelids have just ended up being a migraine, a pounding on my head? I don't mean to neglect you but I'm just working hard so that I don't please you now and end up disappointing you later.

//edit
Too overwhelmed by stress. Sorry mommy. ): I'll be good. You won't see this, but. I hope I can keep buying tauhuay for you every night, all the way till I'm an adult.

Screwed up

They always said to let go of the past and move on. But today I realised:

I let go of everything in the past, the bad parts, and even the good parts.

My friends.