One

"只求拥有, 不求永久"

Golden words from my mom on this generation. Lol but I would really wanna stay with one person my whole life... It's so hard, huh? Well, just a goal to work towards for me I guess, but it'd also mean a whole lot of stubborness from me. Insistence could be a blessing, or just plain pain. Ah well.

one step forward; then shoved harshly back

Actions lead to consequences. Speech is an action. Speech leads to consequences.

I should withhold my speech. Happy speech is enough. What I would say otherwise has proven to be of no use.

Used to bystanding

Sometimes people are happy. But, it doesn't concern you.

And you stubbornly think, it never will.

Realism VS. Pessimism

There's a thin line between the two, realism and pessimism. Usually optimism is on its own lying towards the other end of the spectrum, so nevermind about it. And also because I'm usually only on that end when conversing with a depressed friend, which makes me on this side 95% of the time.

I feel bad for people who bother to read my blog sometimes, I'm so damn angsty LOL. I respect you all man. Feel free to discuss life with me anytime, it's one of my favourite topics! And I don't think I judge? I'd flat out tell you if I find you wrong though, but I don't think I'd unfriend you without ample understanding.

Back to the topic. I'm always guiding my emotions by logic, so I feel pretty realistic most of the time. And I know I sound depressed in my posts but that's 'cause I voice my musings/muses here. I guide myself by a pretty sad set of beliefs so I'm actually kinda happy in real life tbh. Lowered expectations and whatever. There's a saying that goes, "Pessimists expect it when things go wrong, and get pleasantly surprised if they don't." Following logic, this makes being a pessimist more realistically beneficial to us as the odds are, essentially, in our favour.

I gotta mention the other side of the argument though, that human psychology may work differently. Optimism seems to put a person in high spirits most of the time, and when their expectations get crushed, the true optimists get right back up on their feet. If they do fall, however, they fall the hardest. So it's up to us whether we wanna take the risk, and being calculative I choose not to. Do you?

爱不单行

People have different beliefs. They stem from different mindsets, and these are in turn shaped by experiences and circumstances. It's reason why convincing someone of your beliefs is hard, especially when they've a set of their own. Without at least some solid evidence as back up, who would be swayed?

Well, the answer isn't no one. Aside from logic, relationships play a large role in this world as well. It's the fundamental to a society. And in relationships, there comes trust.

Trust... I've always found myself a pretty untrusting person deep within. Or am I the same as any other person, withholding secrets from the world? Perhaps I am. It's hard though, not to envy some bonds films and dramas portray, even if I know them as fictional and glorified. Because I find it sad, that things seem better only when in fiction, in imagination, in pretense. It's sad that people will rarely be as transparent as we wish them to be. It's sad that we will never be as transparent as we wish ourselves to be.

But still, trust leads to people believing you baselessly at times... Ah, I'm like ranting ain't I? Time to sleep.

First

I don't like to post these here, but I'm afraid I'll go crazy if I don't let it out.

I really wanna scream the f word, but no I won't.

I offered to do the shit work for you because I know you'll be freaking throwing a GROWN MAN'S tantrum at him and then he'll go complaining to mom about WHAT INJUSTICE. And then she'll complain to me, plead with me, which I hate. So alright, I did it. And YOU left the usb with all of his files in YOUR OFFICE such that I had to do the files from scratch. Ok fine, nevermind. But you ACCUSINGLY asked me why I'm doing it on the home laptop and not the work one. FGS YOU WERE THE ONE WHO LENT THE DAMN LAPTOP TO YOUR FRIEND SO THE LATEST FILES WERE DONE ON THE HOME LAPTOP. And you accuse me. Okay, that's fine. When he asks you if you bought ink CAN YOU AT LEAST HAVE SOME DECENCY TO ANSWER? You did nothing and you're already WOOWOOWAWA THROWING YOUR TEMPER AROUND? Are you out of your mind?

And you. I did your work for you and didn't utter a word. When I finally got to sit down and watch television, you INSENSITIVELY decided that the tv was YOURS ONLY and when the remote wasn't working you had the damn guts to ask me to help you switch channels. GREAT. I'M NOTHING. JUST A EASY TO MANIPULATE what, SERVANT? Oh okay no, I'm just a 'good' daughter, I guess.

Only my mom. Only my mom's good to me. Only she can tell I'm upset. So please, mom, don't ever plead with me, because firstly, I can't ever deny you of anything, and most importantly, I'm in no position to receive your pleas, you're too good to me.