Upstream

Whenever I see people posting stuff along the lines of "The people who smile the widest are the saddest", I always feel sad. Part of me tries to agree with it since I do feel sad very often, but then again, who doesn't feel down once in a while? And so I feel like saying that or agreeing to that is ... not legit. C'mon, I don't want to be seen as secretly hurting when I smile. I want to really be happy. If I see any more of that, I'm going to end up always pitying myself when I smile, which is gonna be always... Sigh, lol. Humans are bundles of contradictions.

Unsafe

Let's just focus on fencing, go back to work, and think less.

These walls around us

So many things in my mind, but there aren't really any words to say. It's hard for me to express myself properly sometimes because, my thought processes don't seem to occur in words. They're more of feelings and memories and scenes and jumbled concepts I'm not even sure about myself. And I can't even imagine fully explaining this in words. It's impossible.

Sometimes I tweet about things and I wonder if anyone really knows what I'm trying to convey. I'm not saying I need everyone to, because I honestly don't want that kind of transparency, but I wish I'd know if someone understood. If someone understands. But nah. Everyone's a complexly woven soul and it's best you explain what you are through your own efforts. I wish it was easier though, since expression's not my forte.

One thing I wanted to tweet today but decided not to:

"We sway like the trees in the wake of breezes"

Lol sorry if I tried too hard to be poetic, I really really like pretty vocabulary..... That aside, I was trying to say.. Um. When soft winds blow past a tree, the tree tilts in that certain direction. When that passes, the tree that is still rooted firmly in morals, in values, in opinions, un-tilts and sways a little from that momentum. This goes on that way whenever there are breezes. What it takes to uproot this tree -- this person -- is to wait for a typhoon or hurricane. But the more roots you have, the more morals, values, experiences, the harder for that to happen. You will always sway, but you won't be rudely unrooted.

How rooted am I? I wish I knew.