Distraction

I'm easily distracted. Even when I wanted to type this post, I got distracted a few times and I had to recall what I wanted to do initially each time. This sucks, because I can't multitask either. I can only do one thing at once, and if I'm so easily distracted, it means I'm not focusing. However, I wonder if there's the possibility that everything I'm trying to do is an additional task, and what I mainly focus on is thinking, and more specifically, thinking about my feelings. I wanted to study Psychology to learn more about thoughts and feelings, but sad to say, Intro Psych was not much help before I got distracted and chose to major in Sociology instead.

I had a dream last night (or today morning) where I was so happy and grateful for what I had. And I woke up. It felt awful and emptying. It made me wonder what I really wanted in life. I've always been thinking if I was content with what I have and the direction I'm heading, of which some days I'm convinced I am, yet other days, I feel like I deserve so much more. 

Today started off with feeling like I could have so much more. Of course, anyone could have so much more if they tried, but if it was as easy as it was straightforward, everyone would be happy. And if there's anything I've gathered from my schooling and from my personal experiences, it's that humans want what they can't have -- although humans are also inconsistent, so it's not the case for anything and everything. For me, it's mainly for one thing in my life. Some days I'm convinced I don't want it, and again, other days like today I was convinced, mainly by the emotions I felt in my dream, that if there's anything I want in the world, this would be it. Though it's not really possible because I don't even want to talk about it. 

It wouldn't be that bad since it's just a dream, and everyone has dreams. Rather, it's terrible because it distracts me. If my brain waves were an entity, the resulting severity of these distractions attacking my brain waves would be "comatose-level", because when I zone out for a while I process nothing of what I'm doing, then I wake up wondering what I was doing, and it's like being in a coma and waking up from it. 

I keep allowing myself to think about it though, because thinking is the most I can get from it. It's the most I allow myself to get from it. Dreaming was a luxury I can't control, so thoughts will do, and I might just bring these thoughts to my grave.