Firsts

So today my niece, Jo'en, told us she's being bullied at school. Name-calling, specifically, and while I don't know the extent to which adult intervention is justified, I don't think any amount of shaming is good for a kid at all.

I suppose the best we can do for her as of now is to listen and support her, because right now, the bright side of it all is that she's actually telling us instead of hiding it in shame. That at least shows that she's not internalizing the blame, thinking she did something wrong to deserve such treatment. 

That leads me to wonder about how I'll be treated when I start work (it begins tomorrow!!!! AHH). I don't thrive on good social ties, but I sure as hell wither without it. I wanna make a great first impression without coming across as too tryhard, but ultimately it all comes down to the kind of people my colleagues are, which I can't control. 

Ah well. Wish us luck!

Next track

I briefly considered starting a new blog for my thoughts, but easily I came to the conclusion that I'd prefer to keep it all in one place; from my cringey teenage self to when I struggled with emotions and burdens that were over my head. I am who I am because of everything I've said, done, felt, everything I've not, and everyone else. And this isn't a place to showcase myself, but to reflect and muse, which I've done largely in my own head for the two years that've lapsed since my last post. (Wow, it's 2017 already? I've lived 24 years? Wow.)

So, new phase of my life, next track in the album. Ha, title is kind of a throwback to the old URL of this blog (I called it playpauseforward back in da dayz). But I digress. 

I graduated from university, travelled a ton, hopefully matured, and now, I'm set to start work in my first full-time position in my life. Some moments I feel expectant for what is to come, and with some discipline, the positivity sustains for rather long moments. But when I'm not conscious, the unsettled feelings easily creep up -- the discomfort of an uncertain future, the possibility of difficulties to come. Thankfully, self-awareness is a strength of mine, and times like those I remind myself of a quote: "Discomfort is the compass to growth." I pen this here in the hopes that future me will re-read this and find renewed strength and motivation.

There's so much I wanna say now that I've started writing, but I'll keep it succinct. Read an article today that offered relevant advice: stop judging actions, thoughts and decisions as 'good' versus 'bad', but rather, evaluate whether they take you a step closer to achieving your intended goals.

Hmm, now... What do I really wanna achieve?