i'm 24, but i feel like i'm 18 in my head. or maybe 16, not that i can tell much of a difference. the same problems plague me, and i still haven't figured how to overcome them. or if i should learn to accept them — which camp do i go with, to better myself unrelentingly or to embrace my shortcomings? i still often find myself unable to piece my thoughts together properly, falling short of a rational decision and having to withstand the deep sense of shame that comes thereafter. yet i'm weak to criticism, harboring more indignance than humility, i swear to myself never to commit certain mistakes again, not for the reward of a job well done but instead for the warped satisfaction of leaving critics unable to bring up the topic again. and curse them if they dare take any credit for mere words they've said.
see, even now i'm bitter, unable to see things from a wider perspective. my ego's too big for my age, and gargantuan for my mental age. i haven't made birthday wishes in a long time, but this time, i wish i could reign in my feelings better in favor of logic and principles. i'm guided far too heavily by my heart and my head can't keep up. i wish i could feel a little less like this.
