looks like I'm here again, with nobody to go to. or rather, I do have people to go to but it's the same old shit with me and ain't nobody wanna be hearing woe without reason and listen without trying to fix. if going to someone means I have to pretend to be okay after then that makes me feel worse, so better not. I feel like my mind craves a good cry, a self-beating, something to validate the emotions. emotions are valid, but how do we process them properly without rhyme or reason? I've come to realize I'm quite judgmental; or did it come as a defense mechanism? or with age? haha, as I type this I find myself wishing it's something I can explain away but truth be told it probably isn't.
I am judgemental. I should acknowledge that.
I judge people I think are good, and I judge people I think are bad. I judge people close to me and I judge people through the screen. I judge and I judge, I judge me harshest and the worst. no need for self-preservation for a walking corpse, an empty shell, a programmed psyche for smiles and lols.
this is a good beating.
