E and I saw this book on the bestseller shelf in Popular the other day and I found the title relatable and hilarious. the opening quote in its prologue I found slightly morbid, but E said it sounded like something I would write in my blog:
'If you want to be happy, you mustn't fear the following truths but confront them head-on: one, that we are always unhappy, and that our sadness, suffering and fear have good reasons for existing. Two, that there is no way to separate these feelings completely from ourselves.' - Martin Page
I realized she was quite right, so here I am quoting this as well. honestly, I found it morbid because I was fixated on "we are always unhappy". but there is a silver lining to it - this line is said in the context of how to be happy. I'd like to beg to differ that we can be happy without being always unhappy, but I think for myself at least I can't. and the author, Baek Se-hee quotes this from a perspective similar to mine as well, with diagnosed dysthymia while feeling like logically, we were actually doing pretty damn well in life (disclaimer: I haven't read the book but I'm considering it), so I have even lesser grounds to dispute it.
so, big news: I got let go at work. it's not personal and not due to my work abilities, rather it was due to a redundancy issue with our launch being pushed back by over a year. it was no surprise, and I don't feel hurt by it thankfully. financially I'm okay too, though I'm erring on the safe side and pushing back some spends.
if I must be honest, it sort of makes me feel better? it makes me feel better that I now have a legitimate reason to feel blue. I don't always feel that way, but sometimes the depression hits me out of nowhere and although I often know what triggers it, the triggers are also things which I've worked through and embraced much more than before. so to still feel uncontrollably blue over them bums me out sometimes too. like I'm feeling sorry for myself over things of age old. so I'd rather there be this one huge thing I can blame my feelings on, at least for a while.
in recognizing this, I also need to realize I could be prone to self-sabotage. actually, I know I am. sucks, because in addition to the mental capacity I allocate to my emotional regulation, I should be putting effort into discipline too, to stop myself from that self-sabotage. I can be living better if I pushed myself to. but I also risk pushing myself too hard, the way I've heard I can be a little extreme sometimes. I need to be less all-or-nothing and be more a-lil-something every day.
anyway. small wins for today: one, 377A got repealed! though we're still a long way from same-sex marriage, we thought we were a long way from the repeal too and yet it just happened; dropped outta nowhere by LHL during the National Day rally, along with a further reduction in mask wearing lol. two, I went cycling whoop. explored the Simei area and found this private estate area around Sunbird Circle/Road, and at night it's kinda creepy. if Stranger Things happened in Singapore it would happen there, I think.
