was recommended to watch "Crash Course in Romance" on Netflix and although I wasn't that drawn to the synopsis initially, I gave it a try and it turned out pleasantly surprising. it's like a comedic Sky Castle of sorts, centred on the private education system in Korea and the accompanying elitism and class divide.
what struck me enough to make me want to write a post was one of the characters, a student, Nam Hae-ee. she's the daughter of the main female lead, who runs a humble banchan store. two points:
1) Hae-ee is constantly conscious about her family's struggles and finances, which makes her an overthinker and less expressive of her own feelings and worries.
2) when given the opportunity and resources to learn, she's eager and earnest, putting in the effort and being thankful to her mom and tutor throughout.
this is a superbly likeable character with relatable struggles, and it made me reflect hard on myself. I too come from a family which used to have its struggles, but I remember being ashamed, maybe bitter, and still being spoilt. my parents, like Hae-ee's mom, did what they could for me. I never lacked care and the basics. what I was salty about was the inability to partake in luxuries my friends could have - someone fetching them, going for expensive tuition classes, going for trips to fancy destinations, having pretty bags and clothes. I always felt like I was an overthinker because I had to think for my family, but really I was just always thinking for myself and how to reduce the inferiority and jealousy I felt. but in fact, I already had it all - parents who doted on me the way they could, brothers who always had my back, home cooked meals every day, a careful consideration to make things conducive and comfortable for me whenever I had to study for exams. and perhaps that's also why I was spoilt. I had it all and I took it all for granted.
but now, having taken a hard look back at my life, I'm ashamed not of what I lacked but of how I wasn't more appreciative and how immature I was. I remember speaking to my second brother years ago and we both felt like we were forced to grow up in tough circumstances and that made us more aware of what we had. but we had blind spots. we thought we had it worse than everyone else, when really we had a lot to be thankful about.
I never took my studies seriously growing up. I was that classmate who was always late, copied homework, slept in class, and then somehow still had the audacity to cry when I failed my exams. that just shows how entitled I was, that I blamed the system and circumstances for my failures when I didn't put in the needed effort. I honestly don't know how my friends put up with me, lol.
I see it now though. somehow, I became hardworking once I received paychecks for my work, so I guess back then it was just that I didn't see and appreciate the less tangible benefits of working hard. I turn 30 this year, which is too late to change my studying attitude, but appreciation of what I had and have, and gratitude to my family and friends are in order.
