Sometimes I wish, that I could just disappear without a trace for a while, and then come back as someone I wanted to be. Everyone hates unexplained changes, everyone hates to be left ignorant and unsure, and confused. That restricts us, or maybe only me, from changing ourselves, and if only I had an excuse to fall back on.. I wanna change everything about me. My stupidity, my accomodative nature, my lack of discipline. Selfishly I just wanna be straightforward, I wish I could be someone who would really just say what I want when I want it, and if I get rejected of it, then so be it. I'd be cool with it.
Isn't it easier when we just say what we want, instead of having to guess one another's thoughts and feelings all day long? Or, for example, to just say I love you when you do feel it, instead of keeping it in and causing so much distress for yourself. I've seen too much of that around.. And isn't it easy if you just say, "I feel horrible, I feel sad, I feel like shit" when you do? To strip ourselves bare and present the most raw parts of us to the world -- instead of the facades, the masks, the pretenses we put up everyday.
Screw social norms, I seriously hate them.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Back and forth
Okay hiii, been a while since I've updated huh? Haha somehow, I only update when my mood is a less than or equal to neutral.. So yeah. Idk why I felt, should I say lonely (?), all of a sudden just now. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it was the atmosphere of seeing the sun set and sky darken while feeling insignificant.
Really, is the future all we're supposed to work for in life? To me, it just seems like a never ending chase, always having to run for something better, something bigger. It really has become a flout of society's rules to be content. I don't care about victory, about achievements, about all that, really. The times I care, they're mere sparks which shine so bright for a while and extinguish mere instants later. Call me a good-for-nothing, but is being content a sin? Screw rules, screw norms, screw expectations, they have screwed me up all my life.
On the other hand.., recently I realized that during down times, listening to sad songs gives me some solace and maybe comfort that someone else understands my pain. Meanwhile, during happy times, it doesn't actually dampen my mood, but it helps me reflect and not get caught up in my joy and ecstasy instead. Haha, maybe it helps in making me more rational and cool-headed? Hopefully.
Hectic week next week. One week to Adivs.
Really, is the future all we're supposed to work for in life? To me, it just seems like a never ending chase, always having to run for something better, something bigger. It really has become a flout of society's rules to be content. I don't care about victory, about achievements, about all that, really. The times I care, they're mere sparks which shine so bright for a while and extinguish mere instants later. Call me a good-for-nothing, but is being content a sin? Screw rules, screw norms, screw expectations, they have screwed me up all my life.
On the other hand.., recently I realized that during down times, listening to sad songs gives me some solace and maybe comfort that someone else understands my pain. Meanwhile, during happy times, it doesn't actually dampen my mood, but it helps me reflect and not get caught up in my joy and ecstasy instead. Haha, maybe it helps in making me more rational and cool-headed? Hopefully.
Hectic week next week. One week to Adivs.
Monday, April 4, 2011
C
One hundredth post of which at least half are irritatingly depressing, yay.
Haha just wanted to say, I thought of something random today:
"I'd love anyone who knew and yet accepted, this miserable excuse of a human I am"
Hah alright, gotta work hard on complex numbers. Bye!
Haha just wanted to say, I thought of something random today:
"I'd love anyone who knew and yet accepted, this miserable excuse of a human I am"
Hah alright, gotta work hard on complex numbers. Bye!
Friday, April 1, 2011
Drink driving
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
-
It's April's Fool Day today, and I once told somebody that I was going to smile through the pain, till the pain subsides and fades, and my smile is from the heart again. With that in mind, I made use of this day, and I laughed and played, joked and fooled around, just like the old times back in my childhood. But well, I guess all good things come to an end though, I still have to face reality eventually.
And the smiles cease when I unmask myself to discover yet again how crippled and crushed I am inside. When can I finally, again, experience what a heartfelt smile feels like on my face?
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
-
It's April's Fool Day today, and I once told somebody that I was going to smile through the pain, till the pain subsides and fades, and my smile is from the heart again. With that in mind, I made use of this day, and I laughed and played, joked and fooled around, just like the old times back in my childhood. But well, I guess all good things come to an end though, I still have to face reality eventually.
And the smiles cease when I unmask myself to discover yet again how crippled and crushed I am inside. When can I finally, again, experience what a heartfelt smile feels like on my face?
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Reminiscence?
The day you let go and you realize you've never had anything to hold on to in the first place.
I once experienced that before, and it's pretty painful. Thanks to an awesome recommendation, I found this song which gives me the sense of nostalgia. But nope, I don't feel what the song says, it's just that I once did? Idk how to explain. On a sidenote, it's catchy. So yup! I shall recommend this to everyone too, anyone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2i1sQh8WxrY
Kk time to sleep, night~!
I once experienced that before, and it's pretty painful. Thanks to an awesome recommendation, I found this song which gives me the sense of nostalgia. But nope, I don't feel what the song says, it's just that I once did? Idk how to explain. On a sidenote, it's catchy. So yup! I shall recommend this to everyone too, anyone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2i1sQh8WxrY
Kk time to sleep, night~!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
My fears
"When we arrive at eternity's shore, where death is just a memory and tears are no more."
Saw this tweeted by Shiqi, it's lyrics to a praise song. I think this is really well written, cause when I read it (even without knowing the song), I felt like, ..this light feeling inside of me. I wish I'll be able to truly comprehend this sentence one day by experiencing it for myself, but then again, I've drifted from my Christian beliefs so much that I wonder if I have that privilege.. Inside of me, I think there're these silent pleas praying I do have the privilege, and that this privilege comes as soon as possible.
Which should explain why I keep hoping that the end is coming. Somehow, when the news of Japan being hit by an earthquake and tsunami came, other than being struck by worry for my parents who went on a cruise, I actually got a glimmer of hope that a tsunami could come and sweep everything that I have now away, even if it included my life. But if not, all that I wanted, and still want now, is just for my life to become a blank sheet of paper again, cause the piece I possess now is marked with too many mistakes that just can't be erased already.
Yup and that's why I titled my post 'My fears', cause I realized, I'm not very afraid of death and its companions.. Ghosts, or whatever. There's of course the fear which was instilled in me just like any other kid since young, but my amount is negligible as compared to others. What I'm scared of, is living. More specifically, living like a failure, a burden, a good-for-nothing. It haunts me everyday how there's nothing really exceptional about me. Especially today, during our math block test. For once in my JC life, I walked into the exam hall actually feeling prepared, and yet I ended up crushed and defeated again. That feeling which just overcomes you when -- you read the first question, uncap your pen and prepare to start writing, then realization hits you -- you know nothing of the answers. It's insanely suffocating, yet I pressed on, believing that there was bound to be something I could do. I was right, but with half the time passed and there was only ONE of that something which I could find, fear struck me again.
How many people around me probably found multiple of my 'something's already? When Adrian Tan's marking happily, and he sees my script, he's going to flip. My mom's going to get notified, then Ms Gopal's gonna have a chance to complain to her, and I won't be able to escape the permanent seat reserved just for me in the first row where teachers constantly peer down at those assignments I barely attempted cause most attempts were futile. I'll be finding my name on every namelist for extra classes, which suck what little motivation I have for school out of me. Ends up I might stop doing everything altogether, and have to repeat an extra year. Awesome chain of events huh? I truly admit, it all started and worsened cause of me. One flaw about me is that I prefer escape over all other solutions, running away from my problems instead of solving them. I've done this my whole life, and I really can't break out of the already instinctual habit.. So everything snowballs, and before I know it, I'm fleeing from things now more than I've ever did.
I hate being a failure. I really do. But everytime I try to do something about it... I fail, again.
Saw this tweeted by Shiqi, it's lyrics to a praise song. I think this is really well written, cause when I read it (even without knowing the song), I felt like, ..this light feeling inside of me. I wish I'll be able to truly comprehend this sentence one day by experiencing it for myself, but then again, I've drifted from my Christian beliefs so much that I wonder if I have that privilege.. Inside of me, I think there're these silent pleas praying I do have the privilege, and that this privilege comes as soon as possible.
Which should explain why I keep hoping that the end is coming. Somehow, when the news of Japan being hit by an earthquake and tsunami came, other than being struck by worry for my parents who went on a cruise, I actually got a glimmer of hope that a tsunami could come and sweep everything that I have now away, even if it included my life. But if not, all that I wanted, and still want now, is just for my life to become a blank sheet of paper again, cause the piece I possess now is marked with too many mistakes that just can't be erased already.
Yup and that's why I titled my post 'My fears', cause I realized, I'm not very afraid of death and its companions.. Ghosts, or whatever. There's of course the fear which was instilled in me just like any other kid since young, but my amount is negligible as compared to others. What I'm scared of, is living. More specifically, living like a failure, a burden, a good-for-nothing. It haunts me everyday how there's nothing really exceptional about me. Especially today, during our math block test. For once in my JC life, I walked into the exam hall actually feeling prepared, and yet I ended up crushed and defeated again. That feeling which just overcomes you when -- you read the first question, uncap your pen and prepare to start writing, then realization hits you -- you know nothing of the answers. It's insanely suffocating, yet I pressed on, believing that there was bound to be something I could do. I was right, but with half the time passed and there was only ONE of that something which I could find, fear struck me again.
How many people around me probably found multiple of my 'something's already? When Adrian Tan's marking happily, and he sees my script, he's going to flip. My mom's going to get notified, then Ms Gopal's gonna have a chance to complain to her, and I won't be able to escape the permanent seat reserved just for me in the first row where teachers constantly peer down at those assignments I barely attempted cause most attempts were futile. I'll be finding my name on every namelist for extra classes, which suck what little motivation I have for school out of me. Ends up I might stop doing everything altogether, and have to repeat an extra year. Awesome chain of events huh? I truly admit, it all started and worsened cause of me. One flaw about me is that I prefer escape over all other solutions, running away from my problems instead of solving them. I've done this my whole life, and I really can't break out of the already instinctual habit.. So everything snowballs, and before I know it, I'm fleeing from things now more than I've ever did.
I hate being a failure. I really do. But everytime I try to do something about it... I fail, again.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwXCmzwKdMo&feature=related
I lost myself listening to this.
Memory - Younha ft. Tablo
/edit Ahh, this one too, if you're fine with rap.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IB4eWBqVyk&feature=related
Pieces of You - Epik High
I lost myself listening to this.
Memory - Younha ft. Tablo
/edit Ahh, this one too, if you're fine with rap.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IB4eWBqVyk&feature=related
Pieces of You - Epik High
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Should I?
I should have realized that everyone acts the way we do cause we're all breaking on the inside
Maybe I should attempt to be the sober one, to patch everyone up to the way we used to be -- the happy bunch of us laughing and smiling without a care in the world. I don't know where to start, but I'll try to find a way. A way to make us all whole again, even if I do lose a part of myself in the process. The part called benefits.
/I honestly don't know where to start though.
Maybe I should attempt to be the sober one, to patch everyone up to the way we used to be -- the happy bunch of us laughing and smiling without a care in the world. I don't know where to start, but I'll try to find a way. A way to make us all whole again, even if I do lose a part of myself in the process. The part called benefits.
/I honestly don't know where to start though.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Anonymity
Hmm, shall blog a bit before I get to studying! Gonna go camp at Macs, owell. Anyway, my legs feel better now, thankfully. Or I'd be in a bad mood, which, is not the case now. (:
I thought a bit about what I really wanna do, and I swear I'm confused. The university websites are freaking hard to navigate cause Idk what the terms are for the stuff I wanna find, and yeah, this sucks. I was thinking maybe I can do something regarding media and whatever? So, what does that come down to? Media like, being a journalist, or being a backstage crew like a producer or director, or, editor for a magazine, kinda stuff. Seriously mind-boggling. But ah whatever.
Ahhhh so upsetting. I have no direction in life, I'm just wandering aimlessly. What a 'great' life. Like Ms Hazel said, our batch only looks at short term goals.. Like me. Sian.
I thought a bit about what I really wanna do, and I swear I'm confused. The university websites are freaking hard to navigate cause Idk what the terms are for the stuff I wanna find, and yeah, this sucks. I was thinking maybe I can do something regarding media and whatever? So, what does that come down to? Media like, being a journalist, or being a backstage crew like a producer or director, or, editor for a magazine, kinda stuff. Seriously mind-boggling. But ah whatever.
Ahhhh so upsetting. I have no direction in life, I'm just wandering aimlessly. What a 'great' life. Like Ms Hazel said, our batch only looks at short term goals.. Like me. Sian.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Lesson learnt
Just ended floorball camp today, and I guess it was a mixed experience.. Hmm, I had my share of laughter, contentment, anger, and disappointment. But as long as everyone learnt something from this camp, I feel that our camp's a success (: Sure, slipups and whatever here and there, but like someone once told me, as long as the end product's good, they all get negated. So, yep, shall just stick to that! ^^
But today, we had a friendly, and I was seriously.... Frustrated beyond description. I hate my legs for failing on me when I need them, and I wanted to just run away and hide, but I didn't. And I didn't score any goals, nor do anything well. Like coach said, there's no excuse. No excuse for my failure.
It's the holidays now, and 7 days to block tests! I seriously need to hole up somewhere and concentrate. Okay, tired. Bye!
But today, we had a friendly, and I was seriously.... Frustrated beyond description. I hate my legs for failing on me when I need them, and I wanted to just run away and hide, but I didn't. And I didn't score any goals, nor do anything well. Like coach said, there's no excuse. No excuse for my failure.
It's the holidays now, and 7 days to block tests! I seriously need to hole up somewhere and concentrate. Okay, tired. Bye!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
What good does a lifebuoy do when all is at peace?
Okay, shall type a long post to get whatever is inside of me off my chest. Been wanting to blog the whole week, but promised myself not to use the computer, so I didn't. Right now, I'm forsaking my time for math to blog, and I feel kinda guilty..
Nevermind, an even better reason for me to go straight home after the floorball 3on3 tomorrow.
Today, I did something that I haven't done in a long time. I.. lost control of my emotions. I honestly feel that I can control my emotions very well, esp. disappointment and anger. (well, I find no need to keep happiness/excitement in check) So yeah, today I was kind of ashamed of myself. But despite my mind telling me to stop, no, my heart just can't do otherwise.
Sorry about it, I guess I eventually had to release my pent up frustration, I'm flesh and bone afterall, despite how much I force myself to be a robot most of the time nowadays.
Hmm, I've said it before, and I shall say it again. My blog's the only outlet I have for.. emotional release. And I'm sorry if it bores you, hah.
-
By the way, we got back our A'level results yesterday (chinese for us), and.. I'm kind of motivated to work harder for myself. I've sacrificed so much and wasted so much, it's time I put in the last element called discipline, to reap the fruits of labour.
"She finally has all of them in their proper place — which is basically anywhere that’s not in her heart." - after the fall (but before the rise)
Nevermind, an even better reason for me to go straight home after the floorball 3on3 tomorrow.
Today, I did something that I haven't done in a long time. I.. lost control of my emotions. I honestly feel that I can control my emotions very well, esp. disappointment and anger. (well, I find no need to keep happiness/excitement in check) So yeah, today I was kind of ashamed of myself. But despite my mind telling me to stop, no, my heart just can't do otherwise.
Sorry about it, I guess I eventually had to release my pent up frustration, I'm flesh and bone afterall, despite how much I force myself to be a robot most of the time nowadays.
Hmm, I've said it before, and I shall say it again. My blog's the only outlet I have for.. emotional release. And I'm sorry if it bores you, hah.
-
By the way, we got back our A'level results yesterday (chinese for us), and.. I'm kind of motivated to work harder for myself. I've sacrificed so much and wasted so much, it's time I put in the last element called discipline, to reap the fruits of labour.
"She finally has all of them in their proper place — which is basically anywhere that’s not in her heart." - after the fall (but before the rise)
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Not supposed to be
I couldn't tell you,
Why she felt that way, she felt it everyday
-
Yes I'm on the computer, but restrained usage. Forgive me, had to do a bit of research for econs.
Why she felt that way, she felt it everyday
-
Yes I'm on the computer, but restrained usage. Forgive me, had to do a bit of research for econs.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Hmm!
I had a surprisingly enjoyable day today, IGNORING Pe when I got lectured, math lecture when I fell asleep, Econs when I didn't do my case study, break when we got scammed by the malay stall, H1 when I didn't bring my lect notes and didn't understand a single thing, Math when I listened to the lunatic teach, and ELL when I felt substandard as usual. <--- Haha this is my entire timetable, LOLOLOLOLOL. I didn't mention, training when I had a horrible time and my time of the month came, dinner when the lunatic bothered me again, and the university dialogue session which almost freezed my fingers off and bored my brain out of my head.
But yea, despite all that, I had an enjoyable day. Hahaha seriously. I think sometimes little things cheer me up, and I'm thankful for that. ALL my friends who never stop giving me encouragement, and making a smile light up on my face. <3 These are enough to negate whatever lousy stuff which screw up my life.
Which, well.. Kind of worsens the guilt inside of me regarding the previous post. Ah, good things never last, do they?
But yea, despite all that, I had an enjoyable day. Hahaha seriously. I think sometimes little things cheer me up, and I'm thankful for that. ALL my friends who never stop giving me encouragement, and making a smile light up on my face. <3 These are enough to negate whatever lousy stuff which screw up my life.
Which, well.. Kind of worsens the guilt inside of me regarding the previous post. Ah, good things never last, do they?
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Love?
It's times like these when I seriously feel inhuman. Do I seriously know what love is? Any type of love, I mean. It all seems to be, implanted? in me, through education from birth. Or was I supposed to be taught to love?
Okay, don't read this if you think I'm going crazy, seriously. Sorry for wasting 10 seconds of yours on the previous sentences.
If you want to though, bear with me. Maybe it's the guilt, maybe it's the time now (I'm the only awake soul in the house), or maybe it's the stress. Guilt cause of so many things I've done, which.. I know I mentioned never to feel regret in the previous blogpost, but I find myself flouting what I say every single day. I never adhere to rules. Be it school rules, societal rules, or my own, I screw them every single day. And I hate myself for that. Why do I change so unpredictably? I never stay the same.
Love. My logic and whatever I've seen since I could think, be it fiction or non-fiction, tells me many people's (never all, cause I'm not one of them already) love doesn't change. They stay 'loyal', they stay faithful. I don't. My heart changes so easily, and it's not within my control. It scares me so bad.. I'm the kind who never loves for long, and this makes me so afraid to love at times as I consider my actions. It's real, I'm not afraid to admit this to anyone who may be reading this now: I might get sick of you, soon. I'm really sorry, but.. I don't know why, either. I detest myself so much for this..
Who's the longest close friend I've had? I don't think I've one. Is there any band/artiste I've stuck with since a long time ago? No. Any crushes - or even more sometimes - which have become real? No.
Even the one time I thought I loved with my life, I later found out that I never loved at all. I think it was just my mind.
Haha, wow. I remember joking the other day over how I would be able to get married, and not get a divorce. Now that I consider it seriously, that threat is for real. I don't think I'd be able to. And I always imagined having a friend who would be with me as we grew up, but no, I don't think it'd be possible.
I'm now feeling quite scared to post this, but.. These are the thoughts which run through my mind, and I feel the responsibility to let those who want to know find out. It's a warning, I guess?
I mean it everytime I say I like being a loner. Cause, a part of me tells me, that's the only way I won't hurt everyone else.
On top of this, there's nothing special about me. Academically, talent-wise, whatever. Okay, yes fine, I'm in a JC. But since the people I'm comparing against right now, would naturally be the other available people around me, then yes - I suck academically. Talent? What, sports? There are so many better sports people than me. Or I'd be in the volleyball team or smth now, winning trophies for the school. Looks? Haha not even worth mentioning. And what, as a friend? I admit, I find myself an awfully good friend at the start, but it usually runs out eventually.. I find myself scared of seeing that come, and it makes me put even more into the friendship from the very start. So, might as well make some other worthy friend rather than me, k?
I'm such a lousy daughter, student, friend right now. I don't help with housework, I don't turn up for lessons, I don't do my schoolwork, I don't talk much anymore.
Okay I think I'm going to go on forever, and I ..don't wanna cry. If you're thinking that I'm being dramatic over here, you're most welcome to never visit my blog again.
You didn't have to know all this.
Okay, don't read this if you think I'm going crazy, seriously. Sorry for wasting 10 seconds of yours on the previous sentences.
If you want to though, bear with me. Maybe it's the guilt, maybe it's the time now (I'm the only awake soul in the house), or maybe it's the stress. Guilt cause of so many things I've done, which.. I know I mentioned never to feel regret in the previous blogpost, but I find myself flouting what I say every single day. I never adhere to rules. Be it school rules, societal rules, or my own, I screw them every single day. And I hate myself for that. Why do I change so unpredictably? I never stay the same.
Love. My logic and whatever I've seen since I could think, be it fiction or non-fiction, tells me many people's (never all, cause I'm not one of them already) love doesn't change. They stay 'loyal', they stay faithful. I don't. My heart changes so easily, and it's not within my control. It scares me so bad.. I'm the kind who never loves for long, and this makes me so afraid to love at times as I consider my actions. It's real, I'm not afraid to admit this to anyone who may be reading this now: I might get sick of you, soon. I'm really sorry, but.. I don't know why, either. I detest myself so much for this..
Who's the longest close friend I've had? I don't think I've one. Is there any band/artiste I've stuck with since a long time ago? No. Any crushes - or even more sometimes - which have become real? No.
Even the one time I thought I loved with my life, I later found out that I never loved at all. I think it was just my mind.
Haha, wow. I remember joking the other day over how I would be able to get married, and not get a divorce. Now that I consider it seriously, that threat is for real. I don't think I'd be able to. And I always imagined having a friend who would be with me as we grew up, but no, I don't think it'd be possible.
I'm now feeling quite scared to post this, but.. These are the thoughts which run through my mind, and I feel the responsibility to let those who want to know find out. It's a warning, I guess?
I mean it everytime I say I like being a loner. Cause, a part of me tells me, that's the only way I won't hurt everyone else.
On top of this, there's nothing special about me. Academically, talent-wise, whatever. Okay, yes fine, I'm in a JC. But since the people I'm comparing against right now, would naturally be the other available people around me, then yes - I suck academically. Talent? What, sports? There are so many better sports people than me. Or I'd be in the volleyball team or smth now, winning trophies for the school. Looks? Haha not even worth mentioning. And what, as a friend? I admit, I find myself an awfully good friend at the start, but it usually runs out eventually.. I find myself scared of seeing that come, and it makes me put even more into the friendship from the very start. So, might as well make some other worthy friend rather than me, k?
I'm such a lousy daughter, student, friend right now. I don't help with housework, I don't turn up for lessons, I don't do my schoolwork, I don't talk much anymore.
Okay I think I'm going to go on forever, and I ..don't wanna cry. If you're thinking that I'm being dramatic over here, you're most welcome to never visit my blog again.
You didn't have to know all this.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
My Heaven
Baby Good Night - G-Dragon & TOP
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRJ4IzpfVUs
^ GD is my ideal boyfriend in this MV!!! And TOP looks plain weird, hmm.
Because Of You - After School
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmdeKzLlS8w&feature=related
-
Anyway, been a while since I've updated properly. The past few weeks have been pretty cruel to me, and I'm quite tired. But nevermind, I'm thankfully back on track with schoolwork, as in I don't owe anything or whatever (unlike every single time last time), but, I guess I paid a heavy price for that. I skipped quite a lot of school, and now I'm in trouble with almost every single teacher. I'm glad it's not ALL the teachers, so yeah.. Tomorrow there's one more confrontation to face, and I pray I can pull through safely. Then I'll be fine.
A'Levels are nearing, and I really need to study. Math and Chem.. I don't know how to face them. How? They scare me like mad.
And thanks to this period of 'isolation', I've decided on some things. I guess one undefined moral that I live by, is to never regret my decisions. I don't follow it sometimes I know, but it really depends on the circumstances. That's why I said 'undefined'. Anyw, I believe strongly in that cause I think, whenever I make a decision, at that point of time, I'd make sure that it was the best choice possible. If it turns out not to be the best, well too bad, it's not like I could foresee the future. So yeah, why waste my time regretting? I think I'll hold true to it, this time too.
Hah cryptic much? Anyway everyone, work hard! I'll be too (:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRJ4IzpfVUs
^ GD is my ideal boyfriend in this MV!!! And TOP looks plain weird, hmm.
Because Of You - After School
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmdeKzLlS8w&feature=related
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Anyway, been a while since I've updated properly. The past few weeks have been pretty cruel to me, and I'm quite tired. But nevermind, I'm thankfully back on track with schoolwork, as in I don't owe anything or whatever (unlike every single time last time), but, I guess I paid a heavy price for that. I skipped quite a lot of school, and now I'm in trouble with almost every single teacher. I'm glad it's not ALL the teachers, so yeah.. Tomorrow there's one more confrontation to face, and I pray I can pull through safely. Then I'll be fine.
A'Levels are nearing, and I really need to study. Math and Chem.. I don't know how to face them. How? They scare me like mad.
And thanks to this period of 'isolation', I've decided on some things. I guess one undefined moral that I live by, is to never regret my decisions. I don't follow it sometimes I know, but it really depends on the circumstances. That's why I said 'undefined'. Anyw, I believe strongly in that cause I think, whenever I make a decision, at that point of time, I'd make sure that it was the best choice possible. If it turns out not to be the best, well too bad, it's not like I could foresee the future. So yeah, why waste my time regretting? I think I'll hold true to it, this time too.
Hah cryptic much? Anyway everyone, work hard! I'll be too (:
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Isolation
I'm not a good friend to anyone anymore. I'm absorbed in my own world, blindly chasing after what the world tells me to go after. Grades, achievements, a future.
I just hope after this ends, I can still salvage the situation. But then again, will it ever end?
I just hope after this ends, I can still salvage the situation. But then again, will it ever end?
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Alterations
Hmm, I'm honestly not the same girl you knew last December. Better or worse? Idk. Just a shift in mindset and priorities.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Those three words.
Haha highly random thought.
You know those three words, "I love you"? I think it's not what it means to you (when someone tells it to you) that matters, but what it means to the sayer, that matters most.
Some people think saying Ily rarely makes it more meaningful.
Some people think saying it all the time is better, cause once is never enough to express it.
Mm, Idk how to state my point. School reopening tomorrow, night!
You know those three words, "I love you"? I think it's not what it means to you (when someone tells it to you) that matters, but what it means to the sayer, that matters most.
Some people think saying Ily rarely makes it more meaningful.
Some people think saying it all the time is better, cause once is never enough to express it.
Mm, Idk how to state my point. School reopening tomorrow, night!
Friday, February 4, 2011
CNY! (:
Happy Chinese New Year everyone! ;) Haha okay one day late but it's okay right. And, this isn't gonna be a happy post or whatever, so heck lah!
Haha, watched Shaolin (the Andy Lau movie) today and cried like hell. Seriously, why do I keep crying recently?! Ohyea, forgot to mention, Orientation 2011 is overrr! Mentioned this cause on the last day of orientation, I almost cried at one point. It was when my group (Taylor 2 <3) cheered without us prompting them for the first time. I mean, not at the station or whatever (for points those type), but in the hall when cheering was merely out of enjoyment and excitement. When I heard them scream (maybe only a few did, but ah it was loud enough for me to mistake it as a whole group so Idc), I felt touched and the feelings just pulsated in me. And maybe.. I felt really really proud? Seriously. I know everything has ended and the bonds we have forged may just fade away soon, but the memories stay in my heart always. I'll never forget that feeling. So yup, I really hope every single one of them enjoys Nanyang as much as I did and do, cause that would mean enjoying Nanyang A LOT.
Mm, back to the Shaolin movie, in the first half of the movie I already cried. Not teared, but cried. The tears just started flowing from me, I don't know why it was so serious though. Maybe I could associate with that feeling of loss? Haha, or the movie is just really awesome lah.
Mom's in Msia for CNY with relatives, so these few days, I've a chance to brood over things. That's not very good huh? But I feel like it nonetheless. Chyeah, who cares bout homework.
Cherish this short-lived holiday everyone, seriously. Vday soon! ^^
Haha, watched Shaolin (the Andy Lau movie) today and cried like hell. Seriously, why do I keep crying recently?! Ohyea, forgot to mention, Orientation 2011 is overrr! Mentioned this cause on the last day of orientation, I almost cried at one point. It was when my group (Taylor 2 <3) cheered without us prompting them for the first time. I mean, not at the station or whatever (for points those type), but in the hall when cheering was merely out of enjoyment and excitement. When I heard them scream (maybe only a few did, but ah it was loud enough for me to mistake it as a whole group so Idc), I felt touched and the feelings just pulsated in me. And maybe.. I felt really really proud? Seriously. I know everything has ended and the bonds we have forged may just fade away soon, but the memories stay in my heart always. I'll never forget that feeling. So yup, I really hope every single one of them enjoys Nanyang as much as I did and do, cause that would mean enjoying Nanyang A LOT.
Mm, back to the Shaolin movie, in the first half of the movie I already cried. Not teared, but cried. The tears just started flowing from me, I don't know why it was so serious though. Maybe I could associate with that feeling of loss? Haha, or the movie is just really awesome lah.
Mom's in Msia for CNY with relatives, so these few days, I've a chance to brood over things. That's not very good huh? But I feel like it nonetheless. Chyeah, who cares bout homework.
Cherish this short-lived holiday everyone, seriously. Vday soon! ^^
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