I had a surprisingly enjoyable day today, IGNORING Pe when I got lectured, math lecture when I fell asleep, Econs when I didn't do my case study, break when we got scammed by the malay stall, H1 when I didn't bring my lect notes and didn't understand a single thing, Math when I listened to the lunatic teach, and ELL when I felt substandard as usual. <--- Haha this is my entire timetable, LOLOLOLOLOL. I didn't mention, training when I had a horrible time and my time of the month came, dinner when the lunatic bothered me again, and the university dialogue session which almost freezed my fingers off and bored my brain out of my head.
But yea, despite all that, I had an enjoyable day. Hahaha seriously. I think sometimes little things cheer me up, and I'm thankful for that. ALL my friends who never stop giving me encouragement, and making a smile light up on my face. <3 These are enough to negate whatever lousy stuff which screw up my life.
Which, well.. Kind of worsens the guilt inside of me regarding the previous post. Ah, good things never last, do they?
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Love?
It's times like these when I seriously feel inhuman. Do I seriously know what love is? Any type of love, I mean. It all seems to be, implanted? in me, through education from birth. Or was I supposed to be taught to love?
Okay, don't read this if you think I'm going crazy, seriously. Sorry for wasting 10 seconds of yours on the previous sentences.
If you want to though, bear with me. Maybe it's the guilt, maybe it's the time now (I'm the only awake soul in the house), or maybe it's the stress. Guilt cause of so many things I've done, which.. I know I mentioned never to feel regret in the previous blogpost, but I find myself flouting what I say every single day. I never adhere to rules. Be it school rules, societal rules, or my own, I screw them every single day. And I hate myself for that. Why do I change so unpredictably? I never stay the same.
Love. My logic and whatever I've seen since I could think, be it fiction or non-fiction, tells me many people's (never all, cause I'm not one of them already) love doesn't change. They stay 'loyal', they stay faithful. I don't. My heart changes so easily, and it's not within my control. It scares me so bad.. I'm the kind who never loves for long, and this makes me so afraid to love at times as I consider my actions. It's real, I'm not afraid to admit this to anyone who may be reading this now: I might get sick of you, soon. I'm really sorry, but.. I don't know why, either. I detest myself so much for this..
Who's the longest close friend I've had? I don't think I've one. Is there any band/artiste I've stuck with since a long time ago? No. Any crushes - or even more sometimes - which have become real? No.
Even the one time I thought I loved with my life, I later found out that I never loved at all. I think it was just my mind.
Haha, wow. I remember joking the other day over how I would be able to get married, and not get a divorce. Now that I consider it seriously, that threat is for real. I don't think I'd be able to. And I always imagined having a friend who would be with me as we grew up, but no, I don't think it'd be possible.
I'm now feeling quite scared to post this, but.. These are the thoughts which run through my mind, and I feel the responsibility to let those who want to know find out. It's a warning, I guess?
I mean it everytime I say I like being a loner. Cause, a part of me tells me, that's the only way I won't hurt everyone else.
On top of this, there's nothing special about me. Academically, talent-wise, whatever. Okay, yes fine, I'm in a JC. But since the people I'm comparing against right now, would naturally be the other available people around me, then yes - I suck academically. Talent? What, sports? There are so many better sports people than me. Or I'd be in the volleyball team or smth now, winning trophies for the school. Looks? Haha not even worth mentioning. And what, as a friend? I admit, I find myself an awfully good friend at the start, but it usually runs out eventually.. I find myself scared of seeing that come, and it makes me put even more into the friendship from the very start. So, might as well make some other worthy friend rather than me, k?
I'm such a lousy daughter, student, friend right now. I don't help with housework, I don't turn up for lessons, I don't do my schoolwork, I don't talk much anymore.
Okay I think I'm going to go on forever, and I ..don't wanna cry. If you're thinking that I'm being dramatic over here, you're most welcome to never visit my blog again.
You didn't have to know all this.
Okay, don't read this if you think I'm going crazy, seriously. Sorry for wasting 10 seconds of yours on the previous sentences.
If you want to though, bear with me. Maybe it's the guilt, maybe it's the time now (I'm the only awake soul in the house), or maybe it's the stress. Guilt cause of so many things I've done, which.. I know I mentioned never to feel regret in the previous blogpost, but I find myself flouting what I say every single day. I never adhere to rules. Be it school rules, societal rules, or my own, I screw them every single day. And I hate myself for that. Why do I change so unpredictably? I never stay the same.
Love. My logic and whatever I've seen since I could think, be it fiction or non-fiction, tells me many people's (never all, cause I'm not one of them already) love doesn't change. They stay 'loyal', they stay faithful. I don't. My heart changes so easily, and it's not within my control. It scares me so bad.. I'm the kind who never loves for long, and this makes me so afraid to love at times as I consider my actions. It's real, I'm not afraid to admit this to anyone who may be reading this now: I might get sick of you, soon. I'm really sorry, but.. I don't know why, either. I detest myself so much for this..
Who's the longest close friend I've had? I don't think I've one. Is there any band/artiste I've stuck with since a long time ago? No. Any crushes - or even more sometimes - which have become real? No.
Even the one time I thought I loved with my life, I later found out that I never loved at all. I think it was just my mind.
Haha, wow. I remember joking the other day over how I would be able to get married, and not get a divorce. Now that I consider it seriously, that threat is for real. I don't think I'd be able to. And I always imagined having a friend who would be with me as we grew up, but no, I don't think it'd be possible.
I'm now feeling quite scared to post this, but.. These are the thoughts which run through my mind, and I feel the responsibility to let those who want to know find out. It's a warning, I guess?
I mean it everytime I say I like being a loner. Cause, a part of me tells me, that's the only way I won't hurt everyone else.
On top of this, there's nothing special about me. Academically, talent-wise, whatever. Okay, yes fine, I'm in a JC. But since the people I'm comparing against right now, would naturally be the other available people around me, then yes - I suck academically. Talent? What, sports? There are so many better sports people than me. Or I'd be in the volleyball team or smth now, winning trophies for the school. Looks? Haha not even worth mentioning. And what, as a friend? I admit, I find myself an awfully good friend at the start, but it usually runs out eventually.. I find myself scared of seeing that come, and it makes me put even more into the friendship from the very start. So, might as well make some other worthy friend rather than me, k?
I'm such a lousy daughter, student, friend right now. I don't help with housework, I don't turn up for lessons, I don't do my schoolwork, I don't talk much anymore.
Okay I think I'm going to go on forever, and I ..don't wanna cry. If you're thinking that I'm being dramatic over here, you're most welcome to never visit my blog again.
You didn't have to know all this.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
My Heaven
Baby Good Night - G-Dragon & TOP
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRJ4IzpfVUs
^ GD is my ideal boyfriend in this MV!!! And TOP looks plain weird, hmm.
Because Of You - After School
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmdeKzLlS8w&feature=related
-
Anyway, been a while since I've updated properly. The past few weeks have been pretty cruel to me, and I'm quite tired. But nevermind, I'm thankfully back on track with schoolwork, as in I don't owe anything or whatever (unlike every single time last time), but, I guess I paid a heavy price for that. I skipped quite a lot of school, and now I'm in trouble with almost every single teacher. I'm glad it's not ALL the teachers, so yeah.. Tomorrow there's one more confrontation to face, and I pray I can pull through safely. Then I'll be fine.
A'Levels are nearing, and I really need to study. Math and Chem.. I don't know how to face them. How? They scare me like mad.
And thanks to this period of 'isolation', I've decided on some things. I guess one undefined moral that I live by, is to never regret my decisions. I don't follow it sometimes I know, but it really depends on the circumstances. That's why I said 'undefined'. Anyw, I believe strongly in that cause I think, whenever I make a decision, at that point of time, I'd make sure that it was the best choice possible. If it turns out not to be the best, well too bad, it's not like I could foresee the future. So yeah, why waste my time regretting? I think I'll hold true to it, this time too.
Hah cryptic much? Anyway everyone, work hard! I'll be too (:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRJ4IzpfVUs
^ GD is my ideal boyfriend in this MV!!! And TOP looks plain weird, hmm.
Because Of You - After School
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmdeKzLlS8w&feature=related
-
Anyway, been a while since I've updated properly. The past few weeks have been pretty cruel to me, and I'm quite tired. But nevermind, I'm thankfully back on track with schoolwork, as in I don't owe anything or whatever (unlike every single time last time), but, I guess I paid a heavy price for that. I skipped quite a lot of school, and now I'm in trouble with almost every single teacher. I'm glad it's not ALL the teachers, so yeah.. Tomorrow there's one more confrontation to face, and I pray I can pull through safely. Then I'll be fine.
A'Levels are nearing, and I really need to study. Math and Chem.. I don't know how to face them. How? They scare me like mad.
And thanks to this period of 'isolation', I've decided on some things. I guess one undefined moral that I live by, is to never regret my decisions. I don't follow it sometimes I know, but it really depends on the circumstances. That's why I said 'undefined'. Anyw, I believe strongly in that cause I think, whenever I make a decision, at that point of time, I'd make sure that it was the best choice possible. If it turns out not to be the best, well too bad, it's not like I could foresee the future. So yeah, why waste my time regretting? I think I'll hold true to it, this time too.
Hah cryptic much? Anyway everyone, work hard! I'll be too (:
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Isolation
I'm not a good friend to anyone anymore. I'm absorbed in my own world, blindly chasing after what the world tells me to go after. Grades, achievements, a future.
I just hope after this ends, I can still salvage the situation. But then again, will it ever end?
I just hope after this ends, I can still salvage the situation. But then again, will it ever end?
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Alterations
Hmm, I'm honestly not the same girl you knew last December. Better or worse? Idk. Just a shift in mindset and priorities.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Those three words.
Haha highly random thought.
You know those three words, "I love you"? I think it's not what it means to you (when someone tells it to you) that matters, but what it means to the sayer, that matters most.
Some people think saying Ily rarely makes it more meaningful.
Some people think saying it all the time is better, cause once is never enough to express it.
Mm, Idk how to state my point. School reopening tomorrow, night!
You know those three words, "I love you"? I think it's not what it means to you (when someone tells it to you) that matters, but what it means to the sayer, that matters most.
Some people think saying Ily rarely makes it more meaningful.
Some people think saying it all the time is better, cause once is never enough to express it.
Mm, Idk how to state my point. School reopening tomorrow, night!
Friday, February 4, 2011
CNY! (:
Happy Chinese New Year everyone! ;) Haha okay one day late but it's okay right. And, this isn't gonna be a happy post or whatever, so heck lah!
Haha, watched Shaolin (the Andy Lau movie) today and cried like hell. Seriously, why do I keep crying recently?! Ohyea, forgot to mention, Orientation 2011 is overrr! Mentioned this cause on the last day of orientation, I almost cried at one point. It was when my group (Taylor 2 <3) cheered without us prompting them for the first time. I mean, not at the station or whatever (for points those type), but in the hall when cheering was merely out of enjoyment and excitement. When I heard them scream (maybe only a few did, but ah it was loud enough for me to mistake it as a whole group so Idc), I felt touched and the feelings just pulsated in me. And maybe.. I felt really really proud? Seriously. I know everything has ended and the bonds we have forged may just fade away soon, but the memories stay in my heart always. I'll never forget that feeling. So yup, I really hope every single one of them enjoys Nanyang as much as I did and do, cause that would mean enjoying Nanyang A LOT.
Mm, back to the Shaolin movie, in the first half of the movie I already cried. Not teared, but cried. The tears just started flowing from me, I don't know why it was so serious though. Maybe I could associate with that feeling of loss? Haha, or the movie is just really awesome lah.
Mom's in Msia for CNY with relatives, so these few days, I've a chance to brood over things. That's not very good huh? But I feel like it nonetheless. Chyeah, who cares bout homework.
Cherish this short-lived holiday everyone, seriously. Vday soon! ^^
Haha, watched Shaolin (the Andy Lau movie) today and cried like hell. Seriously, why do I keep crying recently?! Ohyea, forgot to mention, Orientation 2011 is overrr! Mentioned this cause on the last day of orientation, I almost cried at one point. It was when my group (Taylor 2 <3) cheered without us prompting them for the first time. I mean, not at the station or whatever (for points those type), but in the hall when cheering was merely out of enjoyment and excitement. When I heard them scream (maybe only a few did, but ah it was loud enough for me to mistake it as a whole group so Idc), I felt touched and the feelings just pulsated in me. And maybe.. I felt really really proud? Seriously. I know everything has ended and the bonds we have forged may just fade away soon, but the memories stay in my heart always. I'll never forget that feeling. So yup, I really hope every single one of them enjoys Nanyang as much as I did and do, cause that would mean enjoying Nanyang A LOT.
Mm, back to the Shaolin movie, in the first half of the movie I already cried. Not teared, but cried. The tears just started flowing from me, I don't know why it was so serious though. Maybe I could associate with that feeling of loss? Haha, or the movie is just really awesome lah.
Mom's in Msia for CNY with relatives, so these few days, I've a chance to brood over things. That's not very good huh? But I feel like it nonetheless. Chyeah, who cares bout homework.
Cherish this short-lived holiday everyone, seriously. Vday soon! ^^
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Organized clutter
又来到这个港口
没有原因的拘留
我的心乘着斑剥的轻舟
寻找失落的沙洲
随时间的海浪漂流
我用力张开双手
拥抱那么多起起落落
想念的还是你望着我的眼波
我不是一定要你回来
只是当又一个人看海
回头才发现你不在
留下我迂回的徘徊
我不是一定要你回来
只是当又把回忆翻开
除了你之外的空白
还有谁能来教我爱
又回到这个尽头我也想再往前走
只是越看见海阔天空
越遗憾没有你分享我的感动
我不是一定要你回来
只是当又一个人看海
回头才发现你不在
留下我迂回的徘徊
我不是一定要你回来
只是当又把回忆翻开
除了你之外的空白
还有谁能来教我爱
我不是一定要你回来
只是当又一个人看海
疲惫的身影不是我
不是你想看见的我
我不是一定要你回来
只是当独自走入人海
除了你之外的依赖
还有谁能教我勇敢
除了你之外的空白
还有谁能来教我爱
-
Spent around 4 hours packing my study table today, and a few drawers. I cleared three full bags of rubbish away, and... In those bags were lots of memories. Really, lots.
But it's okay, I left one untouched out of the many. Be it all, or only one, as long as they serve to remind, the quantity doesn't matter that much does it?
I should think so..
没有原因的拘留
我的心乘着斑剥的轻舟
寻找失落的沙洲
随时间的海浪漂流
我用力张开双手
拥抱那么多起起落落
想念的还是你望着我的眼波
我不是一定要你回来
只是当又一个人看海
回头才发现你不在
留下我迂回的徘徊
我不是一定要你回来
只是当又把回忆翻开
除了你之外的空白
还有谁能来教我爱
又回到这个尽头我也想再往前走
只是越看见海阔天空
越遗憾没有你分享我的感动
我不是一定要你回来
只是当又一个人看海
回头才发现你不在
留下我迂回的徘徊
我不是一定要你回来
只是当又把回忆翻开
除了你之外的空白
还有谁能来教我爱
我不是一定要你回来
只是当又一个人看海
疲惫的身影不是我
不是你想看见的我
我不是一定要你回来
只是当独自走入人海
除了你之外的依赖
还有谁能教我勇敢
除了你之外的空白
还有谁能来教我爱
-
Spent around 4 hours packing my study table today, and a few drawers. I cleared three full bags of rubbish away, and... In those bags were lots of memories. Really, lots.
But it's okay, I left one untouched out of the many. Be it all, or only one, as long as they serve to remind, the quantity doesn't matter that much does it?
I should think so..
I'll watch from afar.
"I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being."
Norms
There are so many social rules we have to abide by; why can't we just live like we want to, so long as we don't hurt anybody else? I mean, seriously.....
But okay, today I've been in a good mood. (: Not excited I guess, but a pleasant and calm mood. I read a few fanfics online, and surprisingly they made me cry. I guess that's the explanation for my slightly more appeased mood today as compared to the previous days in this torturous period? I honestly don't know. But yeah, reading has become a hobby of mine now, and since books are kinda expensive, I'd rather read online. It's really addictive, and it takes me away from reality all the while I'm reading. Fight or flight again? Flight, for sure.
I'm not sure if they really were so well-written that I cried (the me of recent months has never cried from fiction) but yeah, I did. I'm definitely going to re-read them if I get the chance to. But also, I know I have the time to read them cause I'm now enjoying a guilty break from school.. Owell, cause OGLs don't have to go school for 4 days, and then after that is CNY break already. I'm going to miss this sinful period after it ends ): A'levels, I have to conquer you even though I don't care if I do or not. I'm just forced by circumstances..
Hai, screw it. Back to reading!
But okay, today I've been in a good mood. (: Not excited I guess, but a pleasant and calm mood. I read a few fanfics online, and surprisingly they made me cry. I guess that's the explanation for my slightly more appeased mood today as compared to the previous days in this torturous period? I honestly don't know. But yeah, reading has become a hobby of mine now, and since books are kinda expensive, I'd rather read online. It's really addictive, and it takes me away from reality all the while I'm reading. Fight or flight again? Flight, for sure.
I'm not sure if they really were so well-written that I cried (the me of recent months has never cried from fiction) but yeah, I did. I'm definitely going to re-read them if I get the chance to. But also, I know I have the time to read them cause I'm now enjoying a guilty break from school.. Owell, cause OGLs don't have to go school for 4 days, and then after that is CNY break already. I'm going to miss this sinful period after it ends ): A'levels, I have to conquer you even though I don't care if I do or not. I'm just forced by circumstances..
Hai, screw it. Back to reading!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Eblouissant
"I have no more tears to cry, just like my bleeding heart, I am at my limit."
Okay, that is heartbreaking to the max..
Anyway, we had orientation today! As an OGL, I honestly find it quite fun at times, but seriously for the OGMs I think it's horrible. Cause most of them aren't enthusiastic.. Thought it was a first-day syndrome but TODAY'S THE SECOND DAY ALREADAYEEE ): So yeah, I seriously hope they open up enough on monday to have more fun, cause it seriously could be much, much more better. Taylorrrrrrrrr TWO! :D
Midnight-highness. Oh freak.
Okay, that is heartbreaking to the max..
Anyway, we had orientation today! As an OGL, I honestly find it quite fun at times, but seriously for the OGMs I think it's horrible. Cause most of them aren't enthusiastic.. Thought it was a first-day syndrome but TODAY'S THE SECOND DAY ALREADAYEEE ): So yeah, I seriously hope they open up enough on monday to have more fun, cause it seriously could be much, much more better. Taylorrrrrrrrr TWO! :D
Midnight-highness. Oh freak.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Fight or flight
Built a wall around my heart, never let it fall apart.
-
Had a stress talk today, and I henceforth conclude that I am TOTALLY a flight kind of person. Ohmahgah ): Fail. Tomorrow H1 I also never do anything for the tutorial, and IDK what to do at all. Litespeed can't let me download anything from H1 chem o.o'' GG.com. Prepare to get scolded tmrw. (but I don't feel like going ahhh)
Flight mode, bye.
-
Had a stress talk today, and I henceforth conclude that I am TOTALLY a flight kind of person. Ohmahgah ): Fail. Tomorrow H1 I also never do anything for the tutorial, and IDK what to do at all. Litespeed can't let me download anything from H1 chem o.o'' GG.com. Prepare to get scolded tmrw. (but I don't feel like going ahhh)
Flight mode, bye.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Talking to yourself
Nobody's Home - Avril Lavigne
I'm slowly falling behind again. Didn't do any homework yet, how do I survive tomorrow? Math integration, OH I did a bit of CS49 but well, it's only just a bit.
Man I told myself I didn't want to go out, and I should have stuck to it. Yesterday after I woke up, I just watched teevee for a bit, then I went for floorball outing and reached home at 1am. Today I woke up, had breakfast, then went for floorball meeting and then to celebrate Rui's birthday and I reached home at 10pm. And for friday night there was training and then we went NEX. Gahhhhhh burned my weekend..
Regret.
I'm slowly falling behind again. Didn't do any homework yet, how do I survive tomorrow? Math integration, OH I did a bit of CS49 but well, it's only just a bit.
Man I told myself I didn't want to go out, and I should have stuck to it. Yesterday after I woke up, I just watched teevee for a bit, then I went for floorball outing and reached home at 1am. Today I woke up, had breakfast, then went for floorball meeting and then to celebrate Rui's birthday and I reached home at 10pm. And for friday night there was training and then we went NEX. Gahhhhhh burned my weekend..
Regret.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Two seconds
One day, I'll hold to a white gardenia gently tinged with pink
And place it in those unknowing hands of yours
And place it in those unknowing hands of yours
And I arrive at the starting point again
The vicious cycle continuessss and tomorrow, I'm going to have to copy my math homework again ._.
-
Seriously, I immerse myself in fictional plots too easily. Stories, dramas. There are those moments when I suddenly think they're real, and then I snap back to reality. It's torturing me far too much )': It's a horrible distraction.
If only the stuff in lecture notes would do the same, then I swear I'd be on the honour roll.
P/s. Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard
-
Seriously, I immerse myself in fictional plots too easily. Stories, dramas. There are those moments when I suddenly think they're real, and then I snap back to reality. It's torturing me far too much )': It's a horrible distraction.
If only the stuff in lecture notes would do the same, then I swear I'd be on the honour roll.
P/s. Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Escape
I really want to run away, I really want to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
All I can do is....
You know, trying doesn't amount to succeeding.
I reached school half an hour early today just to print my ELL homework, but I forgot I didn't have my ezlink with me.
So after GP, I rannnn to the comp lab to print it. I seriously rushed. But, guess what. I tried logging in to the computer. Failed. Okay, so I moved to a second one. I logged in. Succeeded. Opened my workspace folder, opened my ELL homework files. "Windows cannot find an appropriate program to open the file." What? So I moved to a third one, and finally, FINALLY it succeeded. By then more than 5 mins had passed, and I was sure I was late. So I ran down to the venue, and I stepped in and apologized.
Mrs Lee wasn't happy, and she questioned me. I had no choice but to say that Ms Gopal released us late, which she did (a little only though). She said she would go verify it with her. I totally felt like I crumbled on the inside. I am so screwed up. So so so screwed up. If she really does ask Ms Gopal, I'm dead.
-
I really hate JC2. Right now, I honestly admit I want to retain. Yes, I know that one year later, I'll still have to face JC2. But my JC1 was like, wasted. I didn't pass anything. I don't want to flunk my A's the same way.
Oh right, I can "work harder now". But time waits for no man and I only have 24 hours in a day. How can I make up for a whole year of foundation? I'm already living two days in one; I wake up, go to school, come home, nap, wake up, work till late midnight, catch a few hours of sleep, and then wake up again. But how long can this last? It's only been two days and I'm already in a daze when I'm in school. Not that I'm tired, the sleep is surprisingly enough; but that I feel screwed. Who feels normal when their body clock's messed up like that? And tomorrow's there's floorball training. During the time when I've been sleeping the past two days. Oh great.
I told myself: this year, there's no place for friends, no place for fun, no place for leisure anymore. I'm just gonna be no life. But won't I break down?
I don't have so much energy to spare. I'm not the multitasking type either. There's no place for one when there's the other. It's 'having a life' VS. 'doing well in Alevels'. I mean, you might be thinking that there's definitely a balance between the two, somewhere right? But no, not for me. Cause I'm already lagging doubly behind as everyone else, and so this year I have to put in double the effort. Which means, sacrificing allll my play for work.
Unless I retain. I still have time to consider, you know?
Hah, OGL turned OGM. That'd be a joke, but I don't mind being a joke if it's good for me.
I reached school half an hour early today just to print my ELL homework, but I forgot I didn't have my ezlink with me.
So after GP, I rannnn to the comp lab to print it. I seriously rushed. But, guess what. I tried logging in to the computer. Failed. Okay, so I moved to a second one. I logged in. Succeeded. Opened my workspace folder, opened my ELL homework files. "Windows cannot find an appropriate program to open the file." What? So I moved to a third one, and finally, FINALLY it succeeded. By then more than 5 mins had passed, and I was sure I was late. So I ran down to the venue, and I stepped in and apologized.
Mrs Lee wasn't happy, and she questioned me. I had no choice but to say that Ms Gopal released us late, which she did (a little only though). She said she would go verify it with her. I totally felt like I crumbled on the inside. I am so screwed up. So so so screwed up. If she really does ask Ms Gopal, I'm dead.
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I really hate JC2. Right now, I honestly admit I want to retain. Yes, I know that one year later, I'll still have to face JC2. But my JC1 was like, wasted. I didn't pass anything. I don't want to flunk my A's the same way.
Oh right, I can "work harder now". But time waits for no man and I only have 24 hours in a day. How can I make up for a whole year of foundation? I'm already living two days in one; I wake up, go to school, come home, nap, wake up, work till late midnight, catch a few hours of sleep, and then wake up again. But how long can this last? It's only been two days and I'm already in a daze when I'm in school. Not that I'm tired, the sleep is surprisingly enough; but that I feel screwed. Who feels normal when their body clock's messed up like that? And tomorrow's there's floorball training. During the time when I've been sleeping the past two days. Oh great.
I told myself: this year, there's no place for friends, no place for fun, no place for leisure anymore. I'm just gonna be no life. But won't I break down?
I don't have so much energy to spare. I'm not the multitasking type either. There's no place for one when there's the other. It's 'having a life' VS. 'doing well in Alevels'. I mean, you might be thinking that there's definitely a balance between the two, somewhere right? But no, not for me. Cause I'm already lagging doubly behind as everyone else, and so this year I have to put in double the effort. Which means, sacrificing allll my play for work.
Unless I retain. I still have time to consider, you know?
Hah, OGL turned OGM. That'd be a joke, but I don't mind being a joke if it's good for me.
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