"And I can't breathe without you, but I have to"

Man, my temper's been getting worse recently. I could blame it all on the stress again, but then I don't really know. Is it? I think there's more.

Hmm, I realized something a few days ago, and I don't know what to make out of it. I forgot someone's birthday. Not just someone someone, but someone. And I only realized now in August, over 3 months overdue. I'm not gonna talk much about it, but it confused me so badly. I don't know, really.

Anyway, that wasn't what I wanted to blog about. Idk why I'm so sensitive today, it's something I haven't experienced in a long time. During breakfast, I was experiencing severe wake-up grouchiness (I haven't woken up naturally for weeks already) and so I didn't really talk much. All of a sudden, I felt like I shouldn't, because I remembered how mad I was at my mom last Sunday for not eating our routine weekly family breakfast with us just cause she was supposed to be eating vegetarian. I wouldn't have minded eating with her, and yet she went off without us. It's petty of me, but I did reject my friend's offer to study earlier just for that, and... Yeah. I didn't wanna waste the precious family time. So, I attempted to join the conversation. My mom and oldest brother were talking about the presidential elections while everyone else was busy with something else, so I asked them who they were voting for. They heard me, they even gave me a momentary glance. And yet, the very next moment they continued talking as if I hadn't said anything at all. At that very moment, I was like Wtf? Like, really.. I even almost teared on the spot, but I held it in and I continued eating silently. Call it a silent surrender.

But as we left the restaurant, my mom made the initiative to talk to me. Maybe it was because my brother and his wife was busy with their daughter, maybe cause my second bro was buying something, maybe cause my dad left already, but I don't really know. I can't even remember what she said, but I remember how she gently tried to hold my hand, as if she had to seek permission, and I realized how long I hadn't held her hands already. I realized how big I've grown, and, how far apart we've drifted. I don't know... I gently held her hand back, but barely moments later we had to go, so we let go. But on the car, I thought about it, and.. I wish I could have continued holding on. I miss that, from my childhood.

Oh well.. I think I don't have the courage to do anything about it. I'm a wuss. It's all too bad.