Burst of the bubble

Manz, recent weeks have been spectacular.

Taiwan fencing trip was an experience I couldn't have asked more out of. The happiness I got out of the trip with its sights and company was very real. It reignited my passion and motivations in a way I've never imagined. I guess I do run on emotions after all, despite being a person who thinks so much and prides myself on being rational. My intrinsic motivation is still my heart it seems.

So. I came back with a desire, almost an ache, to improve. Not just in fencing, but in my schooling and conduct. Things I used to overlook, like tardiness, became bad habits I wanted to overcome and defeat. I honestly started appreciating the effort of putting my heart into things. Training was fun firstly because of the people, and even more so because of this previously unfelt energy that I finally managed to tap into. I was hyped to do well in Novices. I wouldn't say I put immense pressure or high expectations on myself, but I knew that when I was there, I would do my best and enjoy everything.

Losing terribly after a whole string of great matches was depressing, but not crushing. It made me want to train even harder, and it made me yearn to achieve something great in the following weekend's team event. Well, shit tends to happen when you're on a roll for too long. One unexpected fall, trippin' over with swaGger (jk, I actually fell flat on the ground and unglamly rolled around in pain) and now I'm unfit for exercise due to pulled hamstrings and a swollen knee. How the hell did that happen, I was questioning. And I kinda felt like everything was wasted at first, but later I realized that it was the pain getting to my head. 

Talking to the teammates I count on so much was a good source of positivity. I realized that even if I couldn't be strong for myself, I had to be strong for them. Sounds cheesy, but I can't put it any other way because that's the truth. We all hold a stake in our team expectations, and no one's gonna be happy that anyone's injured. And no one's going to feel much better unless the injured person starts feeling so. So, I picked myself up, I got my shit together. I still have so much ahead of me, if I just focus on becoming better than I am each day. I was reading I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, and I felt so heartened by this line her grandmother said while berating a man whose wife had just passed away: "...have faith. He never gives us more than we can bear."

Amen to that. This will only make me stronger. Pain is weakness leaving the body. Next Novices, I'll be better than this. :)

Thank you Lord for all the invaluable experiences <3