during down times like these I fantasize about bad things happening to me, which is telling of how I still cope unhealthily. I can't sleep, I'm hungry but I feel sick, and I'm so tired my heart feels very far away, floating out of body, like I'm looking at the day's events through a fog. the future feels uncertain and my actions and thoughts don't feel like mine. like two days later I'll completely forget, forgetting having written this at all, a sleepwalk caught on cctv.
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