First

I don't like to post these here, but I'm afraid I'll go crazy if I don't let it out.

I really wanna scream the f word, but no I won't.

I offered to do the shit work for you because I know you'll be freaking throwing a GROWN MAN'S tantrum at him and then he'll go complaining to mom about WHAT INJUSTICE. And then she'll complain to me, plead with me, which I hate. So alright, I did it. And YOU left the usb with all of his files in YOUR OFFICE such that I had to do the files from scratch. Ok fine, nevermind. But you ACCUSINGLY asked me why I'm doing it on the home laptop and not the work one. FGS YOU WERE THE ONE WHO LENT THE DAMN LAPTOP TO YOUR FRIEND SO THE LATEST FILES WERE DONE ON THE HOME LAPTOP. And you accuse me. Okay, that's fine. When he asks you if you bought ink CAN YOU AT LEAST HAVE SOME DECENCY TO ANSWER? You did nothing and you're already WOOWOOWAWA THROWING YOUR TEMPER AROUND? Are you out of your mind?

And you. I did your work for you and didn't utter a word. When I finally got to sit down and watch television, you INSENSITIVELY decided that the tv was YOURS ONLY and when the remote wasn't working you had the damn guts to ask me to help you switch channels. GREAT. I'M NOTHING. JUST A EASY TO MANIPULATE what, SERVANT? Oh okay no, I'm just a 'good' daughter, I guess.

Only my mom. Only my mom's good to me. Only she can tell I'm upset. So please, mom, don't ever plead with me, because firstly, I can't ever deny you of anything, and most importantly, I'm in no position to receive your pleas, you're too good to me.

Sand in water, water in sand

How much truth does each lie hold, and how much falsity does each truth hide?

//

Haven't been thinking much recently, since I've either been working, out, or sleeping. Oh yes, we went to Redang!!! Siaoyi, Vivien, Weiling and I went there for a vacation from 22-24th March~ In case anyone knows it better by its Chinese name, it's called 热浪岛. Lol I wouldn't say I had a lot of fun there, 'cause 2 full days were too damn short. All we did was to eat (buffet style HAHA, damn crazy), sunburntan and swim.

Well, under the category of swimming there's snorkelling, and that must have been the highlight of the trip. Through that I kinda discovered my phobia of fish being too close though. The water there is really clear, no kidding, and you can see every single thing around you. By the second (and last) snorkelling trip we learnt to bring bread as an attraction for fish, but WOAH MAN it's freaking terrifying.... for me at least. The fish come up to you in SCHOOLS ok, and your entire vision is just of fishes. I really hate fish scales so I think that's why I was so uncomfortable with having them so close. Otherwise, we saw Nemo (though I don't think we saw Dory). Weiling got to hold a Nemo in her hands!!!! It was damn cute. This funny guy, one of the resort staff, kept kachiao-ing us but it's thanks to him we got to see the clownfish so close, and learn of a few interesting things as well.

One instance was the blue sand, which we didn't know about until he told us. There's this small stretch of beach on one side of the island, where at night, you can find isolated grains of 'sand' which glow in the dark, in blue. It's really pretty and Vivien and I kidnapped one, LOL. We're not supposed to of course, since every single natural thing on the island is protected, so after fascinating over it we returned it to the sand. It's apparently some sea insect/organism, perhaps with similar features to the firefly? The blue glow dies out if you remove it from the sand, so Vivien and I balled it in some sand while we were looking at it. It's my favourite memory of there I think, just staring at that small speck of wonder.

I must mention the food as well, since it took up a major part of our vacation! The buffet is decent considering it's provided, so we pretty much stuffed ourselves omglol. There's like traditional Malay cuisine, some Chinese/Western/Italian food, desserts, and fruits. I avoided the Chinese dishes in general, oops. And then every time we returned to our room, we'd be eating snacks............. Chips and more chips, codfish strips, etc ;/ Lol unhealthy max.

YAWNOKAYIAMDAMNSLEEPY I think that's pretty much what's to be mentioned of the trip, time to sleep. Goodnighttttttttttttt.

Random

What goes through my mind from 12PM to 4AM

Accurate as of(in) today, anyway

Double sided tape is better, you can use it twice

Don't wanna go bathe..

I LOVE BATHING

Miserable

Sorry to my friends

Why do my socks stink

Tiffany

Hate tcc

Damn..

Unsalted chips

Apples!

Where to best leave my ezlink card

Did I have breakfast?

Ouch

Why are people so stupid

Ignore-ance is bliss

Oh yay there's something other than chrysanthemum tea in the fridge

Nell songs

Coldplay

Dongwoo in Tic Toc

Taking out contacts is the hardest task

Good writing

BAD LANGUAGE, SPELLING, GRAMMAR

Spoilt kids are unreasonable

Should I use an emoticon

I need to fall in love

I love my mom but she is crazy

Psychology or Sociology?

Sing write draw

Swimming is better than running

IT'S DAMN HOT

DAMN COLD

Is it time to sleep..

Macs is damn gross but FRIES!!!

Cigarettes smell

snsd

People lack witty humour

Blank

-

I always thought I that I had nothing to hide.

That is, until, I realized I hide everything.

Burden

Why am I such a bane? I never mean it, I swear, I try so hard all my life not to be one, but some things can't be helped. Even a small overlook on my part leads to such disastrous effects..

I feel helpless. Why? Because there's no way for me to correct this. I could go missing, I could die, I could. So easy are these, but would only create more trouble for them. So, what do I do? What can I do? Apologize; I hope it's enough.. Maybe I'd be thankful if it doesn't lead to worse. How great it would be without me.. how much more carefree?

Hello to Myself

I wish I was normal. That I didn't think so differently, act so differently; maybe suck at controlling how I feel, maybe be less aware..

Maybe pain would hurt like normal, maybe.

Ten years later,

Shall try this out, for the sake of perhaps projecting my perceived future? Hahaha. Blogpost/diary entry of the Zhiqing ten years later, in year 2022.

5 February, 2022
Finally! After all these years of toiling, I've finally saved enough money to set up a cafe! Can't believe that working in tcc 10 years ago would have led to me doing this ...but well, not gonna waste the knowledge I acquired there, right? I still remember those torturous days, but well, at least I made some good friends. Lol, I'm so gonna provide meals for my staff and treat them well. Hah. Hmm, should I go ahead with the plan of setting a small stage for a live band in the cafe? Meh, I could even sing myself occasionally, haha! But for now, time to go source for ideal locations......

On the other hand, I'm going to Japan next week! Since I know the language conversationally, I guess it should be alright for us? I know my mom has always wanted to see the sakura blossoms. She'll finally get a chance! Who cares if it blows a huge portion of my cafe savings, it's rare that one can buy happiness with money, so it's money well spent. Thank God for all the annual leave I've accumulated, because after Japan, I'll be heading to Africa to check out the camp there. Hopefully everyone has been getting what they need.. I wonder if they've all successfully gotten their vaccines? I'm so glad science has advanced enough to make vaccines vastly accessible even in third world countries. Hectic schedule, but I'm so looking forward to these plans man.

Oh!!!! End of year .....I'm getting married. YAY! Okay, I sound so desperate. HAHAHAHA. Heck it, I'm happy and I should show it. Need to inform all those busy asses in advance!!!! (because I need their wedding gifts... HAHAHA) Wow, it's been ten over years of friendship huh? So glad all of us seem to be heading down the various paths we're suited for, yet stuck together, even if we still get so idiotic sometimes. It's true that nothing beats having true friends, because many friends means that quality is compromised. Not that my friends are of any exceptional quality anyway, ew! HAHAHAHA

Okay, it's already late! Gotta wake up at 8AM tomorrow for that meeting.. Same old. Glad that over the years, I've gotten better at waking up though. Oops. Alright, goodnight!

Thinking

So, I was watching SNSD and the Dangerous Boys before this, and I'm here to post because there's this strange settling in my stomach, which occurs when something dawns upon me. I guess all of you who don't watch this show would think that this is yet another fangirl post, but hey, I don't fangirl here.

I don't even know why I'm explaining myself. But I'll leave that for another time.

Anyway, right now in episode 5, I can see the huge improvement in the boys as compared to before. It made me sad. Not for them obviously, but perhaps, for myself? And for everyone who hasn't had someone put so much effort into them before. Put effort, faith, encouragement, and whatever else.

Maybe my emotions are mistaken, because there should have been a few of these people in my life. But I've let them down, because I have a tendency to reject what's good for me.

I don't want to be honest. I don't want to say, I'm jealous of those boys, because I really am. If you ask me what my phobia is, I'd tell you I have none. Insects, maybe. But really..? I'm not afraid of failing, of dying, of heights, of ghosts, of this and that.

I'm afraid I'll become nothing.

Not necessarily achievement-wise. But to have a place in someone's life, I think that's all I want. Doesn't everyone, but they want more than that. It's nice when people understand, and then care. I'm just a little scared that no one can, because it's not written on my face, it's not portrayed in my actions, it's not described in my words; it's all in unspoken thoughts. To put it more accurately, I think I'm afraid I buried myself too deep inwards.

Who knows me?

Chanced upon.

I think the old me was a much better friend, even if the current me's happier. Pros and cons..?

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Society

Okay, typing this post after a horribad day at work. Yeah, horribly bad. Goodness. To be honest it's not that bad from a bystander's point of view, but from my eyes, it was.

Firstly I went to work thinking that my shift today was 3-9PM. I was pretty excited about rushing home to catch today's Gayo Daejun (it's a concert each of the three Korean major channels organize every end of year, on the 29th, 30th and 31st.) but ended up, my shift was 3-11PM. Which meant that I'd miss it. So I thought, okay, nevermind, and I started working. I have this manager who's pretty nice, although people have already badmouthed her to me already but she hasn't personally offended me so I'm not gonna be biased; she took early leave today (AND tomorrow omg) so there's some other branch's manager attached here. Firstly, her operation methods are different, so there were some things she asked me to do which left me baffled. And then she was telling me that she didn't hear me greet (ok, the other manager tells me this too, but wtf I only need to let the customers hear right! Not as if I'm greeting them. Do I need to shout into the customers' faces so they can hear me?! o___o) and being accused wrongly I insisted, "No, I said welcome to the customer!" and IDK what is so cute about me being insistent/rebuttive/whatever but she laughed and she lightly pinched my chin. You know how people hold little kids'/their lover's chins and then go "Awwww"?? Yes she did that. And OHMYGAD it's so gross!!!! I barely even know her, please?!?!?! Seriously if my friends did that I would probably have a minor reaction like waaahgh but for a stranger like today, my impression of the person goes into the drain.

So after that everything was pretty okay, until this group came into the boutique. There were three Chinese: two women one man, and three 20 give-take a little year old Vietnamese/Filipino/Indonesian girls. From what I could hear them converse about, they seemed to be foreign workers and I presume one woman was trying to handle their operations/whatever with the couple. She called me to take their orders and I wrote whatever she pointed to, and she wanted a Litchi-something so I asked, "Litchi Tea Freeze?" and she went "Yayaya," and she said she wanted two lychees and less sweet. And her Seafood Aglio Olio she wanted more spicy. Okay, so these together with the other orders I took, and I went to key them in.

Passing by the barista (who was the manager), I told her about the requests and then she said, "But Litchi Tea Freeze has no lychees", and I was like, really? So I went to ask the lady about it. She gave me a look and she said, the drink I usually have has lychees! She asked me what drink I ordered for her, so I flipped to the Tea Freeze page and showed her. She said, "No, I don't want this. I want Lychee Jazz.". I went back to the counter and I told my manager, and she said, "No, tell her cannot, I blended it already." I went to the woman and told her, and she said, "No I don't want that. I want Lychee Jazz." so I went back to tell the manager, and the manager was pissed off. I reminded her about the less sweet and two lychees, and she replied, "Don't want give.". Lol like ...what? Idk man, just so you know, making a wrong drink is no big deal and we usually just drink it ourselves under the reason of food testing. It's a legit reason; for the waiters/waitresses to know how the drink tastes like so we can better introduce them to the customers. And she looked so pissed? Zzzz and after that I went to serve other customers.

Who knows, suddenly the manager called me and told me the woman said she didn't order a certain drink. It was some Strawberry Mocha Blend I remember. I served it to the woman, and she looked at me angrily and said (in Chinese), "No I didn't order this! How do you take orders? You anyhow write and anyhow give an order to me?" So, I apologized (and you know what the best part is? The General Manager (super high post) was also in the boutique....) and told the manager that she insisted that she didn't order. So alright, I thought that was bad enough.

After a while, all of a sudden the woman comes up to me (who was at the counter) and the manager, and asks where is the soup and pizza. The thing is, she didn't order them from me!!!! Wtf wtf wtf. So I said, "I didn't take any orders for soup and pizza," and she replied (in Chinese again. I shall type it out...) “我明明有order，你们是怎样take orders的？如果她不会你就找会的人，为什么把我的order这样乱乱点！” all in a damn bitchy and accusing tone. What I find funny on afterthought is that my manager is a Filipino so she probably doesn't understand a single shit she's saying. Lmao. So my manager replied her and told her that we would serve the soup and pizza in five minutes. She replied, "I want the soup NOW.", and my manager was like "Okay." and we all went about with our own stuff. I felt so sorry at that point of time that I wanted to cry, because I felt wronged, troublesome, and scared (since the GM was there) all at the same time. I went on with waitressing, and everytime I had to tend to their table (clear plates, serve drinks, refill water etc.) the woman would either roll her eyes at me or scold me some more. Argh.

Finally, when they were settling the bill, the woman nagged at me, “你是怎样？做事人在心不在！以后出来做工时你怎么办？”, so I gave an apologetic smile and said sorry again. I felt miserable.

One good thing was that the GM didn't say anything about it, though I do think she noticed the commotion. All in all, it brought me to reflect and realize that the more people you meet, the more types of people you discover. TBH I feel pretty unexposed to the higher-class people because of my own social standing, and through this job I meet them every day (tcc is a boutique lol, because it's high-class ._.). It has opened my eyes, especially today. I don't hate the woman that much; it was a severe case of miscommunication and all the wrong circumstances happening at the wrong time. But I feel like if I take her advice (aka naggings/scoldings) the objective way, it'll help me. And I should put my ill feelings behind.

Lol. I don't know how well I need to perform to get the Outstanding Staff Award, but I'll try. And when I get it, I'll think back to this day and laugh.

Luxemborg

Okay so, I'm blogging because I'm taking a break from writing LOL. The irony, right? That I'm taking a break from writing by writing....okay, whatever.

Just in case you're thinking what I'm writing, hmm, I don't think you'll ever find out because I'm not gonna disclose it personally, hahaha. The wonders of Internet anonymity /smirks

Alright, so. Random.

I think it's a blessing in disguise that I share a room with my mom and bro. Being the loner I am, if I had a room to myself, I'd probably coop myself up all day and end up being a severe introvert. But instead, now I'm forced (okay, forced is too strong a word...) to interact with my family because I don't have any private space. Which is good. Oh, the more important thing is, it means family time, even if it's half-hearted at times.

Also, I'm gonna work next week! At TCC. Idk which branch I'm posted to yet. Also, with afterthought, I'm finding the pay a bit low.. $6.30/hr. Man, 7hrs/day and 5days/week wouldn't even add up to a four digit salary in a month. Which sucks. So, I googled some other jobs and I sent in my resume to a few tuition centres lmao. I can teach Eng and Chi concurrently, okay! That's something to be demanded ...I hope.

Okay I shall go now, adios!
Abrupt, I know. That's just me. n_n

Entranced

Okay wow, I haven't blogged for almost 3 weeks! Oh well. It's been a period of ups and downs.

For one, A's ended!!! Tbh I didn't feel much from it. Tbvh I didn't work my hardest for these exams. But, as I've told some, this is me and I'm pretty sure nothing would change even if I repeated the year, because it's not something I seek to achieve in. Well, I still feel less burdened of course, though. In exchange for the burden which was lifted, now I feel this need to be productive. To earn money in order to be self-sustainable, to write, to make up for moments I've let go or lost because of walling myself in the past months.

But, I feel empty. I don't know why. I feel alienated, I think. I've become much more emotionless after this period, people are beginning to baffle me. Why? Why let feelings control you, why let them screw you over? Maybe I need to clarify something; I'm not entirely emotionless, but (negative)emotion-less. I still laugh and get excited and all, but on the other end, I'm just empty. That's what I'm feeling right now, because there isn't anything spurring my positive emotions now. I'm just stagnant, baffled, forehead creased and frowning from this lack of negativity. Lol, should be a good thing, right? Rationally I'm happy, but I can't help but wonder if it's normal.

Then again, I realize there are some scary things I'm feeling.. Impatience, jealousy, inacceptance, contempt. It's really weird, lol. I'm becoming damn eccentric.

Okay anyway, lots of things went on these three weeks!

- Prom. It was freaking boring. Thankfully, post prom was alright because we (Calise Cindy Huixian Shiqi & I) had an adventure searching for Timbre@OldSchool and ended up it was after operating hours, so we bought coffee and juice and went to Shiqi's house LOL. So, while everyone was like, probably boozing at Zouk and dancing, we were getting caffeine and sugar highs while watching Crayon Shinchan HAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh! Melvin and Ivan also joined us at Shiqi's house, so the six of us shared an obedient and non-rebellious post-prom~

- Outings with friends. Went out with my childhood friends (Meixuan, Sherina, and Xinyi!), and so coincidentally we met another of our friends, Sam, at Clarke Quay. Went midnight k-ing, then drinking at Clarke Quay, then ate Macs at like 4am in the morning LOL. Also, went out with class clique (Cal, Cindy, Shiqi) for prom shopping. And then there was prom shopping and a simple dinner with Siaoyi, Vivien, Weiling, and days later Breaking Dawn (WHICH ISN'T THAT BAD WHAT LOL.) w Viv and Weiling ^--^ Lastly (yesterday) met up with Diondra to catch up and passed the SNSD bug to her hehehe <3

- SNSD CONCERT. Most epic concert in my life (tbh I haven't been to many lmao). Queued one day earlier, went through lots of drama with my brother whatwith the disputes over an unofficial queue some people were trying to set up (two of us were just onlookers to these, silently laughing at their immaturity and lack of rationality), and oh for the first time in my life I lay down by the streets and slept like a hobo. LOL. A fresh experience man, I must say. The next morning Huixian joined us and thankfully we managed to help her cut the queue with little trouble. We died queueing, with the pain of sitting down with no space to adjust yourself for HOURS, and then later on when it rained we had to stand for almost three hours. And when we finally got in, because we were in the standing pen, we had to stand for another three hours HAHHAHHA. But totally worth it, I regret nothing.

The girls were so beautiful in real life it's kind of ..dazzling. I was dazed for most of the concert because it's surreal, the lights, the effects, the dances, the real SNSD in front of my eyes and performing, laughing, playing around. I think I keep repeating this but for the sake of putting this in my blog so I can read back in future; Yoona pointed at my foam heart and laughed, while Tiffany stared at it and then eyesmiled at me. Okay, seriously, these girls are idols with like a million fans worldwide, and I managed to make eye contact with them... It's a dream come true for every SONE (SNSD's fans). Goodness.. What I would give to experience it all over again. They're not just pretty girls. People who hate them think they're just that. That's why they think nothing of them, even dislike them; hate them. But if you look past the surface to the personality (which should be the case for every human being, by the way. Yes, they're humans too), you'll see Taeyeon's inability to open up about her feelings beyond her cheerfulness (which I feel very much for), Jessica's friendliness beyond her cold exterior, Sunny's maturity beyond her act-cuteness, Tiffany's pain behind her dazzling smiles, Hyoyeon's insecurities beyond her hilariousity, Yuri's concern for her members beyond her overwhelming stage charisma, Sooyoung's meekness beyond her straightforwardness, Yoona's awfully endearingness beyond her godlike beauty, and Seohyun's wisdom beyond her silence and reserve.

Okay, I'm sorry for that.

I seem to know them more than I know my friends, huh..? Not really, I think. I guess I know more than I show, or at least, that's what I believe.

Yeah, okay. Shall go now, it's been too long a post. Byebye!

Planes

"Insanity is characterized by the belief that one is sane."

Haha this is pretty funny considering how many people think they're sane. I say 'they' because I'm not one of them; I actually suspect myself to be insane like, every other day. So, I was wondering if the inverse is true? Hahaha.

Anyway, I've given myself a motto to live by. It's probably only temporary as always, but it'll tide me through this period at least. "You're only as miserable as you let yourself be." The word 'miserable' can be replaced with any other negatively connotated adjective (even positive ones actually) but yeah, that's my default word for now. I'm actually in a pretty happy mood now. n_n

Once tomorrow ends, bulk of A's are over! I screwed most up, but what can I do? Haha, just believe in God and believe that I'm only a failure if I believe myself to be I guess. Hopefully optimism doesn't lead to my downfall oops.

On the other hand, SNSD concert in 19 days!!!! Omg I'm going to be so close to them..... /cryz Thank God for mosh pits. If I don't get squashed to death, that is.. And, man, I actually hope my future boyfriend is a SONE too.

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Past

It's so damn hard

/Don't leave me

For me to let you go

/Stay with me

No I can't let you go

/Why were those words so hard then

#onreplay

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Your Pieces - Epik High

Listening to this song makes me feel this settling in my stomach and that yearning to learn Korean so I don't have to depend on translations to understand such a piece of magnificence.

How do such talented people exist? Talent from birth, through nurturing, or through suffering?

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Driven by caffeine

So, it's late in the night at 2AM now and I just drank a can of chilled Nestle. Lol, I'm not planning to stay up, but I just wanted to drink it. It feels quite good to just do whatever actually. If I feel awake, I'll just keep going. I've ELL lesson later in the morning, but heck, I've another can of coffee in the fridge for that. I know my sleep cycle's gonna be reversed, but if I can reverse it this easily, as easily can I reverse it back.

So again, heck.

I prefer the night very much. I can narrate a descriptive right now: the distant whirring of late returning vehicles; the faint zephyrs cool against my skin; the nagging ache on my right shoulder; Nell singing Afterglow to me soothingly through the computer speakers (I still don't know if it's a he or they, lol); the ceiling light illuminating where I confine but unable to reach out to the deep purple sky out there, which is the same for all the other dull and boring lights I can see; and this undefined sense of peace I feel.

Hahahaha. Guess I'm as usual, out-of-my-mind. But really, the zephyrs (if you don't know what they mean, haha. hahahahaha.) are really really nice in the night. They don't exist in the day, but when they do, it's probably a good day.

Ohhhh now Clocks by Coldplay is playing, k, I shall go. It is time. Byebyebyebyebye~

Commodification

"While a person dies every day during the eight or more hours in which he or she functions as a commodity, individuals come to life afterward in their spiritual creations. But this remedy bears the germs of the same sickness: that of a solitary being seeking harmony with the world."

- Che Guevara

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Drowning

I think I'm that.

I know how to swim. I land in troubled waters, and I struggle. I panic. I flap my limbs around trying to get to something, anything, and I panic. I grab onto something. A plank. Some more planks. Eventually, I hold out long enough to chance upon a lifejacket. I hold on to them for my dear life, and the waters still.

I hold on to them still, I hold on so tightly.

Then the waters rise in havoc again. I lose the planks. I clutch onto the lifejacket so tightly as I get embroiled in the mess, and now I don't know what will become of me; if I'll be as lucky this time.

Problem isn't if I survive. What's bad is, throughout it all, I forgot that I know how to swim. And the pressing problem now is: I can't remember.


/edit: Now listening to Nell. They're good. Or he. Idk which.

If I were to write a book

Yeah, so I was watching this talk show where the guests were asked what they wanted to write about if they were to publish a book. It got me wondering too..

My book would be titled 'Growing Up'. LOL cliche title I know, but I don't wanna give it a fanciful title because there isn't anything fanciful about it at all. And I know, I'm not even an adult yet, but there are lots of things I believe I know already. Age is but a number yeah.

I think certain blogposts of mine would be good material. Lol. But the thing is, why would people be even interested in what I think? Haha, but given the chance though, I would really wanna publish such a book in future. Hmm.

-

Anyway I'm using my phone to blog now. Hard to type, but I'll get the hang of it ...eventually. Off to study now, I need to stop being distracted. Bye!

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Money love, fashion fame; and all that's in between

You know that happiness you're afraid to let end. You know those chances you wish you never let slip. What happened? Life happened. That's what it is.

-

Okay, so tomorrow I'm getting a new phone! I just hope I don't fall sick (s'been three days since I started feeling like my brain got blended) and I hope the admin stuff goes well cause there're loads of stuff I need to clarify regarding my plan before I can get it. AND I hope I get to keep my number too; it rolls on my tongue. Tutu oh, tutu fai~

Then again if it doesn't work out it's God's way of telling me that I'll be distracted by it. Lol 24 days to A's and I'm still feeling like it's 240. Hmmmmm okay nah maybe 90. Yeah, something like that.

Today was Graduation Day and yesterday I considered skipping. Only when I got to school and got out of the boring speeches and announcement of sushi honour roll and whatnot did I realize why Huixian went "WHYYYY" when I told her my intentions of skipping. People were taking photos, giving out letters to classmates and friends, grabbing teachers for a shot, chattering (with excitement? I think) and running around. I never thought that much of it ..and I was of course disoriented. Um, wow.

I felt sorry though. To my friends. It's like I never considered anything special to do for them, and I felt like what Shiqi described me as was very apt: socially awkward. Lol, Idk why, are these like the effects of closing myself up? Or am I just thinking too much and I'm actually just ill and out-of-it? I hope it's the latter. But at one point I felt so (emotionally) wrecked I almost cried. Held it in though, everyone'd think I was crazy.

Took photos with class clique and then with the 1013 clique. I hope my presence made up for something, and I tried to liven things up a bit, so.. Yup. Can't help but doubt myself though, why am I so horrid?

Hais.

Now listening to: Take Me Away by U-KISS. Had immense potential to be a much better song but it's alright, my type of song lol.