She asked me, “Why do you close yourself off from people?”
“It’s easier this way,” I replied. “I have better focus on the things that are important to me right now. I’m not going to go out of my way to look for things that I don’t need.”
"Easier in what way? I understand that you won’t be able to get hurt by others, but you know you’ll probably never find someone that’ll be able to make you happy, too,” she remarked.
“And who is to say that I need someone else to make me happy?” I asked. “You see, that’s the kind of thinking I hate — when people believe the only way to be happy is through another person.”
- dreamongood@tumblr, Brandon Oda
Please forgive my terrible post on 大年初二.
Fuck.
I am in a damn bad mood. And it's infuriating me more that the harder I try to break out of it, the worse I feel. I guess I am convinced that my new year is starting out bad, which is leading me into a downward spiral. Shit.
Lmao okay justtt kidding, not going to start my year with an awful sulky post. I ended 2012 pretty happily (on hindsight). Hindsight because, while they hadn't been the greatest things to go through, the aftertastes were sweet, lolol.
Went to Taipei from 20-27 December with my parents and 2nd bro! It was freezing, mom and I were coughing our lungs our majority of the time, bro was throwing his stupid adult tantrums, dad smoked like 10 packs and finished two bottles of liquor, but -- we had a great time. And I really appreciate and thank God for it. There were many things to worry about, but they became the good parts of this trip (: Firstly, my parents aren't on good terms, so it really came as a surprise when they got along well together during the trip. I mean... I actually felt warm in my heart looking at them, for the first time in my entire life.
And then there's my mom's knee injury (less than a year back, she crushed her kneecap from a fall) which I was worrying would cause her to have difficulty moving around, but wow, no it didn't. I felt so happy to have helped her around, supporting her down stairs, looking out for uneven ground she may stumble over. It felt like what it should -- a child, now an adult, caring for her parent who's grown old. Perhaps my mom was hiding it from us before, Idk, but after we returned to Singapore she's started to whine about it hurting LOL. Something about Taipei is magical....?
Then on the 29th, I went as a spectator to the AVFC (Asian Varsity Fencing Competition), organized by our very own SMU fencing club!!!, and it was really enriching. International level fencers pitting their skills against one another and I got the front row view ok! All the zaikias. Then on the 30th, we had a fencing Christmas party at Sentosa Cove (the house was amazing, I can't even....) and there was hilarious shit thanks (or no thanks) to the alcohol. It was fun, but I'm not sure I wanna stay in such a big house permanently... Doesn't it get lonely?
And on the last day.... Tsk. Was supposed to meet the 1013 clique for countdown but cancelled because it started raining. Bummer. And so I bummed around at home. Which... was really quite fun by my standards. LOL.
Yup that sums up my happy end of 2012~
New year resolution? BE LESS OF A SLOTH.
.......... nah I doubt it.
Twitter: "The gym will be especially crowded today with people who will then give up on their new year's resolution like, three weeks later."
Me: I bet five bucks it's three DAYS later, cmon.
Kbyeeee I guess the least I could do is try to sleep earlier... NIGHTS n_n
Are the feelings we feel because of habits, beliefs, personality or conditioning? Ok this is such a wtf question, I know, but I do wonder. I'm a little avoidant of commitments and of zeal towards myself, and I have no idea why. Is it part of my personality, like, am I supposed to change it? Perhaps I shouldn't change who I am, but if it causes me discomfort, and to an extent, fear, do I just accept it? Though there really is no benefit to liking attention, honestly. So I have no idea.
Confusion, confusion.
Perhaps it's the wrong time to think about all that's went wrong. And no, I'm not talking about 4AM. I've been pretending to be too indifferent that it might actually be becoming real in me, and that just sucks. I don't know where to look now. It's like getting lost in a forest; no matter where you look, every tree looks the same, what more when your vision is blurred?
Some people argue that things are more rewarding when you're forced to pursue them. If you give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day; but if you obscure a fish stick by hiding it at the end of a maze, the man will go buy fish sticks at the grocery store because nobody cares about your dumb maze.HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA
"(...) a person's self grows out of society's interpersonal interactions and the perceptions of others. The term refers to people shaping themselves based on other people's perception, which leads the people to reinforce other people's perspectives on themselves."Pretty legit if you think about it. Somehow we (or maybe just I) always end up proving people right, even if we try to deny it. The more we focus on it, the more likely for it to come true. Unless we're so dead set on opposing it, lol.
