What to say, what not to say

Happiness lives for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have tried and those who have searched. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear. Remember that whatever happens, it happens for a reason.. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. Because you only gain one life and one chance to do all the things that you desire.

If only it was as easy as that. Actions speak louder than words, and so what if I can agree with that, but I can't carry it out? Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. I wish.

Just how many people know when I'm hurting like shit inside yet I seem alright on the surface? Didn't we learn not to judge a book by it's cover? They're all just words, I guess.

While going through stuff I wrote last time, I found this entry:
"I feel so tired be it in my body, my mind, my spirit, or my heart. It's as if I would just fall without tripping, lose without fighting, and crash into a million pieces without moving. The contrast between days that were happy and those that are not is so drastic. People die, but I'll survive. And seek for another chance.. For there God is with me, as He has always been."

But I can't feel Him now. I can't.. I'm all alone now. Fending for myself cause I walked away from Him. He never left, I did. I used to think I've finally found the commitment to stick to something and never let go of it. Foolish, I was. I'm drifting away from my religion now, isn't it?

All I can do now is ask. Ask questions I'm never getting answers to. Why do we have to live up to expectations? Can't we be free? Ask Zhiqing, ask. Ask somemore. You'll never find the answers. I really don't like all the stress that's piling up on me. Stress on me to do well for my exams. Stress on me to be a good vice-captain. Stress on me to be a good player. Stress on me to always have a good temper. Stress on me to be a filial daughter. Stress on me to be a good friend. Not that I don't want to be all these, but.. The question, again, is whether I can be all these. If I choose to escape from everything, I'd quit school, quit floorball, run away from my family and friends, run away to a place where no one knows me. But thing is, I can't. One of the main sources of pressure is myself. I would never let myself go.

Why is life like that, why?
There is never the perfect life, right?
I guess I know the answer to the last question very well..

/Edit.
Hah. All the previous posts about fighting on. I'm just a loser in the end.