If

만약에 내가 간다면 내가 다가간다면
넌 어떻게 생각할까 용기낼수 없고
만약에 니가 간다면 니가 떠나간다면
널 어떻게 보내야할지 자꾸 겁이 나는걸

내가 바보같아서 바라볼 수 밖에만 없는 건 아마도
외면할지도 모를 니 마음과 또 그래서 더 멀어질 사이가 될까봐
정말 바보 같아서 사랑한다 하지 못하는건 아마도
만남 뒤에 기다리는 아픔에 슬픈 나날들이 두려워서 인가봐

만약에 니가 온다면 니가 다가 온다면
난 어떻게 해야만 할지 정말 알수 없는걸

내가 바보 같아서 바라볼 수 밖에만 없는 건 아마도
외면 할지도 모를 니 마음과 또 그래서 더 멀어질 사이가 될까봐
정말 바보 같아서 사랑한다 하지 못하는건 아마도
만남 뒤에 기다리는 아픔에 슬픈 나날들이 두려워서 인가봐

내가 바보 같아서 사랑한다 하지 못하는 건 아마도
만남뒤에 기다리는 아픔에 슬픈 나날들이

두려워서 인 가봐...

Manyage naega kandamyeon naega dagakandamyeon
Neoneotteokhe saenggakhalkka yonggil nael so eobgo

Manyage niga kandamyeon niga tteonakandamyeon
Neol eotteokhe bonaeyahalji jakkoogeobi naneun geol

Naega babogattaseo

Barabol su bakkeman eobneun geon ahmado
Wimyeonhaljido moreul ni maeumgwa
Tto keuraeseo deo meoreojil saiga dwilkkabwa

Chungmal babogattaseo

Saranghanda haji mothaneun geon ahmado
Mannamdwi e kidarineun apeume
Seulpeum nanaldeuri doryeoweoseo inkabwa

Manyage niga ondamyeon

Niga dagaondamyeon naneotteokhe haeyaman halji
Chungmal al su eobneun geol

Naega babo gattaseo

Barabol su bakkeman eobneun geon ahmado
Wuimyeonhaljido moreul ni maeumgwa
Tto keuraeseo deo meoreojil saiga dwilkkabwa

Chungmal babogattaseo

Saranghanda haji mothaneun geon ahmado
Mannandwi e kidarineun apeume
Seulpeum nanaldeuri doryeoweoseo inkabwa

Naega babo gattaseo

Saranghanda haji mothanen geon ahmado
Mannandwi e kidarineun apeume
Seulpeum nanaldeuri dortoedweoseo inkabwa

/I can sing this song over and over and over again.

Touched

It takes one person, just one person, to enlighten you to what's been unknown to you. For a while, I've been desperately praying to God for this person to appear, but I didn't pray for the person to serve that purpose (cause I didn't imagine it to that extent), instead I just prayed for someone who could just understand my fears and problems truly, and help me with them. Today, I met that person. I cried from pouring out all those things no one has understood, I cried 'cause someone finally saw through me. Today's talk is one I'm going to keep close to my heart forever.

And I really have to thank my God for He saw through me first, before all.

/edit: Haha, confused?

Addiction.

DISCLAIMER: Mental state currently unbalanced.

I seriously wanna scream. Or run away. Or put exclamation marks to all that I've typed thus far. AHHHHHHWCNHIUQWHCJWNICXIDJNCF and I wanna cry.

And now I suddenly wanna laugh. I'm really such a psycho, my mood swings from extreme to extreme and more often than not I don't think the same today as I did two days ago. I shall say this once and never say it again: Don't ever use what I once said against me, cause I probably don't mean them anymore.

Anyways reason for mentioning this and going mental all of a sudden is cause, I suddenly really don't want CCA to end anymore, contrary to the previous post. Today morning I woke up, determined to do my work, and I ended up in front of the TV for 3 hours. Then when I finally got to turning on my work computer to do my research, I ended up youtubing, tumblring, twittering (not tweeting, cause I was kind of only reading) and doing ANYTHING but researching. Okay, maybe I can blame the heat, but I know I should just blame myself.

And then I remembered my M'sian cousin who's staying at my house cause of his NUS interviews, so I decided I shouldn't go for trng and stay at home to help my mom be a good host instead.
Yeah, I did do that, but the extra time freed up should've been used on doing work too BUT I DIDN'T -.- Ok I'm really on the verge of going berserk. Every five minutes I told myself, okay I need to start work, but the moment I switch to my Microsoft Word window I open the browser again and do something else. I really hate this, it's like I keep thinking I have so much time so I can take my time and do it later, when in fact I don't.

During the past two weeks which have been packed thanks to A'divisions, I somehow did MORE work. There were days I didn't use the com (rare for the me of 2011) and I just did work until I'd fall asleep. But these 3 days of holidays just dissipated all sense of urgency in me.

I think I've a cyber addiction. How? Kpop. Okay, kpop addiction. Goodness, why won't this interest just fizz out and die like all the previous ones? It's been 4 months since it started. And there seems to be no sign of it ending, only escalating. Kill me..

(What makes it even worse is, if I had a choice, I would choose kpop over studies anytime. Thing is, I don't, that's why I'm struggling so bad. This is torturing every bit of my soul..)

Headaches

Ah it's been a long time since the last update! Hmm been so caught up with floorball and work after all. Oh well, floorball's coming to a regrettable end, and I have really mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I'll finally be able to have time to do my work and catch up with all that I've missed; and prove to certain teachers I can do it. On the other though, it marks the finishing line for this one passion (it's not even a sport anymore) I've pumped so much time and effort and emotion into. Twice to thrice of a few hours each week, perspiration shed and energy burnt to the extent of shaggedness, and happiness, excitement, anger, disappointment, dejection. I'm really upset over the fact that we're not in the next round, but like I told myself and I told a certain few, there's nothing more we can do about it already. The least we could, is play our best for the last match despite it being practically insignificant. But on the level other than practical, I know it's gonna the last time I'm going to fight so hard on that court. After that, nothing much counts anymore. I really don't want to lose. I don't want to even win by a margin. I wanna fight, I wanna score, I wanna win.

I really wanna. The euphoria of a match well-played and won; I've never ever experienced that. Serious. Like, wth, am I cursed? This is my last chance, I either take it or blow it.

I'm gonna miss the people after it all. Things will change, life's like that. So while we're still at it, I hope we make the last lap the most memorably good one for all of us.. Manz life sucks.