Tears of laughter

Wow I've a lot to post this time. I'm blogging now 'cause I wanna recount what happened while I was on the way home just now, while the other thing I wanna blog is an entry I typed into my phone, which unfortunately zzzzz cannot be posted using mobile Blogger for I-don't-know-what-reason. So yea, shall type it out later.

For now, just a light-hearted entry, heh. ^^

Just now, I went to Macs with my childhood friend (who lives 5 floors below me in the same block). As we were on our way back, I spotted that the moon was real pretty, it was bright and clear, so I told her to look. She was astonished by its beauty (uh well, 'astonished' in her own way, lol she exclaimed "Walau spotlight lor that one!"), so she insisted that she took a photo of it. I was then jokingly bickering with her about how it's never possible to take a nice photo of the moon, and yet she continued to take her phone out, so I took a look at her screen and I laughed, saying "Eh you take photo of a spotlight for what!" 'cause it was just an orb on the screen LOL.

So we continued walking, and we talked about some stuff (I seriously can't remember what suddenly, it was funny too though) and she kept spraying water on the floor with her Nike bottle (the second gen design). I told her, "Stop using your thermometer to spray here spray there la!" and she looked at me with a perturbed look, like O.o-what-chu-talking kinda look, and then she suddenly burst out in laughter and this time it was my turn to give her the look lol. She was like "Not bad, funny funny!!!" and then she made some motions with her hands to simulate the action of putting a thermometer into her ear. Turns out that she's never heard anyone refer to it as a thermometer before, nor thought of it herself. Haha woah seriously different social networks man, different schools probably have different jokes circulating around.

Tsk so while we were crossing the canal/drain/river, I was trying to find the reflection of the moon in the water. I have to mention that it was already past midnight while we were on our way, so the place was deserted and dark. Finally I found it and I was signalling for her to just make a small out-of-the-way detour to where I was standing, and again she wanted to take a photo of it. She was contemplating doing it when all of a sudden I thought of something and I dragged her away, bursting out in laughter at the same time. I told her, in between spurts of laughter, "Later your photo got one hand inside sia," and I even added a demonstration of it LOL -.- The joke about this is 'cause the drain at my house is the one where recently a 15-year-old Indonesian boy slipped in and drowned, and the exact stretch we were along was where they found the body, so yeah. To be honest, I was scared, but I found it funny at the same time, that's why I dragged her a small distance before saying it out. She laughed too when I said it, and then she murmured to me that it's actually quite creepy because we were the only two people there. I laughed harder and told her that I too was shocked by my own random thought-cum-joke, and we just kept laughing (by now our backs were facing the river because we crossed it already) so I said, "-hahahahha-Eh keep-hahahaha-laughing-hahahaha-then we won't be-hahahaha-scared-hahaha-". Thankfully this made us continue laughing, and we managed to get away from there 'safely' LOL.

She then mentioned this korean variety show which I asked her to watch, in which the guests tried to spot the 'spiritual beings' inside short video clips supposedly found from the internet. She was saying that the videos were too freaky since she was watching the show at night, so much so she decided to stop watching. I commented that I didn't find them scary cause I was firstly, unbelieving of the validity of the videos, and secondly, more intrigued with trying to spot possible appearances of the ghost, not to mention I was laughing my head off at the guests/hosts of the show (Koreans are awesome entertainers I swear). She then replied that she still felt scared cause they seemed pretty real, plus it's not easy to psycho oneself into not believing so. At this moment, she suddenly seemed to get a shock from something, then she pointed behind us, explaining, "Aiyo omg that cat just lie there, scare me," and I broke out in laughter again cause she was obviously thinking too much due to our supernatural-themed talk. After I collected myself, I looked to where she had pointed to earlier and I could see no cat, so I backtracked a little to get a clearer view. Noticing my actions, she panicked. "Thereeee it's on the car! Eh don't scare me hor, don't tell me only I can see it!!!" and I just gave a small chuckle in response cause I was focusing on trying to spot the position of said cat which had surprised her earlier. My eyes glanced over the hoods of the cars, then between the cars, and under them, but I could see no cat! Just as I was really nearing the cars, I spotted a white and orange cat sprawled over the front portion of the first car and I immediately exploded in laughter upon realization. My friend laughed simultaneously in the very next instant, scolding me "A big fat cat like that also cannot see" and we both laughed so freaking hard I teared.

By then we were reaching the lift, and our laughter subsided, and she said that we'd do well on variety shows lolol. I wanted to tell her that we probably would be the only two laughing at our jokes but thanks to my horrible habit of laughing before I make a joke, she made a guess at what I was going to say, thinking that it was some other joke we laughed about a few days back regarding variety shows, so I got a hold on myself and told her what I really wanted to say, and she laughed, saying that she made the guess cause we almost always repeat and laugh at the same few jokes when we're together. And yeah, by then we already reached her floor and we said bye, with her mentioning that we also always abrubtly cut off our conversations when we reach her floor.

Ahahaha yup, so that totally made my day (or night) and I'm thankful for having a friend I grew up with such that it's so comfortable to hang out together.
Tsk this is one long hell of a post manz, hehe. It shall serve to remind me of this good time I've had, even if it's just a short one. Alright, off to bathe now! I smell of fries ._. Goodbye, ciao, annyeonggggg! Hope it was a good read~ Merci beaucoup (:

-

"I cried so much when we won first for 'Into the New World,' and the rookie award at the yearly music awards, but these tears that I had were different from the tears I had when I was tired ..."
- Kim Taeyeon

/edit: Found this in my drafts from weeks/months ago. Okay, shall publish it.

Days and days of angst

Another day of feeling horrible. I don't get why humans are such ...idiots. I'm one, too. I know, to say that humans are idiots would be akin to calling God an idiot since He made us in His image, but no, I don't mean it that way. 'cause seriously, most of us can't think and act like He does.

God, how do You even manage to love us for how we are? I find it so hard to love some people sometimes (love in the generic sense), to ignore what they do and what their actions do (or don't do) to me. And, do humans always only learn how to treasure only after they've experienced loss? Because apparently, I don't think I've learnt. Sure, I've learnt how to treasure the certain things I've lost, but no, I can't say the same for what I haven't lost (before) yet.

That's what's wrong with me. I always know the problem, but my knowledge rarely gives me control over my feelings.

Yesterday night, I reached home at 12AM after studying at Macs. I even continued until 1AM so that I finished a proper part of the chapter. (Note, it was math, so coming from me it's like woah.) Yet when I went to sleep, I got insomnia. I was so freaking tired.. But I just couldn't, after lying there till 2plus.. So I woke up,watched a few videos, and attempted to sleep around 3+, and my mom had to wake up and accuse me of sleeping so late when it's not like I even wanted to. But I kept it in, since I considered that she didn't know. And okay, I overslept today when I wanted to wake at 7 to study, and then I ended up using the com for hours after I woke. I felt guilty, so I quickly made myself pack my materials to go to Macs again after dinner. Yet, she had to say something like, 'You like that, one day also at most study 2hrs'. Like, what? Seriously? I've been clocking HOURS upon HOURS for the past DAYS and just 'cause of ONE day today (which btw, I was feeling terrible about wasting ALREADY), you make one remark to screw my mood upside down, downside up. You must've been wondering why I didn't say a single word, or even laugh at bro's grossly horrible joke 'bout getting a one night stand tonight so you can have another grandchild other than Jo'en to play with, but honestly, that's how bad you made me feel.

Yet I can't believe how despite that, I actually felt bad for POSSIBLY making you feel upset with my silent treatment. I don't know why, I work so hard for you, to make you proud of me, for that one smile on your face to surface during the few times in my life I've achieved something worthy to mention. I'm sure you don't know all these, otherwise you would've known how much effect small comments from you could have on me.

I don't know if one day I'll give up trying for you, because personally, I don't feel a need to be somebody. If I do, please find it in your heart to forgive me, and perhaps, understand me for once.

/Sorry, emotional breakdown.

Significance?

It's 2AM in the morning and I can't sleep. I'm sick, I'm tired, and I can't sleep, how ironic. I got so fed up tossing around in my bed that I decided to wake up and use the comp, that's why I'm here now, blogging.

I'm not sure, maybe it's cause there're too many thoughts running through my mind? Right now, I'm in a really depressed mood. Another one of those times when I feel miserable due to a mix of reasons.. My insomnia's definitely a major source for this current one.

There's a million things I'm thinking about now but I can't put my finger on any one of them enough to type them out. Ughhhhhhhhhh.

I wanna cry but there aren't any tears to shed. I wanna sleep so bad but I can't. I want to scream and be heard. I wanna breathe and remember how the fresh air in the morning smells like. I wanna help people over and over again and feel like it's going to make the world a better place. I wanna... ah I want to do so many things.

I'm going a tad bit mentally unbalanced.