"It's not the strong who survive, it's the ones who survive that are strong."
Just attended my brother's graduation ceremony and for some reason, I found myself feeling really scared throughout. Not of the people around me, not of the atmosphere, not of anything there, but of what was to come. It's weird because this seems to be the direction I've always wanted myself to go -- to SMU, to Social Sciences, and so on. But precisely because I seem to have expectations of it, I'm getting scared of being disappointed.
All my life, things have always been going in directions askew of what I've wanted. PSLE, O's, A's, JC instead of Poly, etc., and finally one thing went right: I got into the School of Social Science. The difference is that when things don't go my way, I tend to make the best of it, and when they do, I lose myself and screw things up. It's been obvious in the years of my life which I can remember. I had damn a lot of fun in JC especially, which I completely abhorred getting into; yet my best friends are all from NY. Well yeah, my results were terrible, but I can't say that I regret anything in the end.
Yet so far, the experience of uni I've had is off the mark. I don't wanna harp on it anymore, but I think I'm expecting so much that any bad thing that comes my way just throws me off. The law of attraction states that good thoughts bring good things, so what exactly am I thinking wrong? I presume I need to completely shrug off the bad events, and focus damn hard on the good ones so much so I'm blind and numb to negativity. (Does this make me an escapist, again, though?)
Lol GAH I'm gonna go crazy at this rate. Someone enlighten me? Or maybe not, I'll drive you crazy too with the persistence I put into my views. I respect all the people who've gotten through all the self-doubt and whatever issues and emerged honorably victorious (like literally 'honorably', like with honors lmao). Let's hope I survive well for the coming years.
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