black

i’ve come to accept, but maybe not yet embrace, that i can feel multiple contradictory things at once. i can feel a tightness in my chest, but laugh in the same breath. i can cry in person but be joking around in text. i can miss you terribly, but want to protect my peace. i look at photos of us and one picture can feel both sweet and bitter. i remember arguments that feel inane but also significant. 

i think i can feel upset and disappointed and angry at you but still feel the love and care and happiness you’ve given to me. i can need you in my life and out of it. i feel free but empty at the same time. time is slipping faster than i thought it would, but still hurting like a slow knife.