又来到这个港口
没有原因的拘留
我的心乘着斑剥的轻舟
寻找失落的沙洲
随时间的海浪漂流
我用力张开双手
拥抱那么多起起落落
想念的还是你望着我的眼波
我不是一定要你回来
只是当又一个人看海
回头才发现你不在
留下我迂回的徘徊
我不是一定要你回来
只是当又把回忆翻开
除了你之外的空白
还有谁能来教我爱
又回到这个尽头我也想再往前走
只是越看见海阔天空
越遗憾没有你分享我的感动
我不是一定要你回来
只是当又一个人看海
回头才发现你不在
留下我迂回的徘徊
我不是一定要你回来
只是当又把回忆翻开
除了你之外的空白
还有谁能来教我爱
我不是一定要你回来
只是当又一个人看海
疲惫的身影不是我
不是你想看见的我
我不是一定要你回来
只是当独自走入人海
除了你之外的依赖
还有谁能教我勇敢
除了你之外的空白
还有谁能来教我爱
-
Spent around 4 hours packing my study table today, and a few drawers. I cleared three full bags of rubbish away, and... In those bags were lots of memories. Really, lots.
But it's okay, I left one untouched out of the many. Be it all, or only one, as long as they serve to remind, the quantity doesn't matter that much does it?
I should think so..
Sunday, January 30, 2011
I'll watch from afar.
"I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being."
Norms
There are so many social rules we have to abide by; why can't we just live like we want to, so long as we don't hurt anybody else? I mean, seriously.....
But okay, today I've been in a good mood. (: Not excited I guess, but a pleasant and calm mood. I read a few fanfics online, and surprisingly they made me cry. I guess that's the explanation for my slightly more appeased mood today as compared to the previous days in this torturous period? I honestly don't know. But yeah, reading has become a hobby of mine now, and since books are kinda expensive, I'd rather read online. It's really addictive, and it takes me away from reality all the while I'm reading. Fight or flight again? Flight, for sure.
I'm not sure if they really were so well-written that I cried (the me of recent months has never cried from fiction) but yeah, I did. I'm definitely going to re-read them if I get the chance to. But also, I know I have the time to read them cause I'm now enjoying a guilty break from school.. Owell, cause OGLs don't have to go school for 4 days, and then after that is CNY break already. I'm going to miss this sinful period after it ends ): A'levels, I have to conquer you even though I don't care if I do or not. I'm just forced by circumstances..
Hai, screw it. Back to reading!
But okay, today I've been in a good mood. (: Not excited I guess, but a pleasant and calm mood. I read a few fanfics online, and surprisingly they made me cry. I guess that's the explanation for my slightly more appeased mood today as compared to the previous days in this torturous period? I honestly don't know. But yeah, reading has become a hobby of mine now, and since books are kinda expensive, I'd rather read online. It's really addictive, and it takes me away from reality all the while I'm reading. Fight or flight again? Flight, for sure.
I'm not sure if they really were so well-written that I cried (the me of recent months has never cried from fiction) but yeah, I did. I'm definitely going to re-read them if I get the chance to. But also, I know I have the time to read them cause I'm now enjoying a guilty break from school.. Owell, cause OGLs don't have to go school for 4 days, and then after that is CNY break already. I'm going to miss this sinful period after it ends ): A'levels, I have to conquer you even though I don't care if I do or not. I'm just forced by circumstances..
Hai, screw it. Back to reading!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Eblouissant
"I have no more tears to cry, just like my bleeding heart, I am at my limit."
Okay, that is heartbreaking to the max..
Anyway, we had orientation today! As an OGL, I honestly find it quite fun at times, but seriously for the OGMs I think it's horrible. Cause most of them aren't enthusiastic.. Thought it was a first-day syndrome but TODAY'S THE SECOND DAY ALREADAYEEE ): So yeah, I seriously hope they open up enough on monday to have more fun, cause it seriously could be much, much more better. Taylorrrrrrrrr TWO! :D
Midnight-highness. Oh freak.
Okay, that is heartbreaking to the max..
Anyway, we had orientation today! As an OGL, I honestly find it quite fun at times, but seriously for the OGMs I think it's horrible. Cause most of them aren't enthusiastic.. Thought it was a first-day syndrome but TODAY'S THE SECOND DAY ALREADAYEEE ): So yeah, I seriously hope they open up enough on monday to have more fun, cause it seriously could be much, much more better. Taylorrrrrrrrr TWO! :D
Midnight-highness. Oh freak.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Fight or flight
Built a wall around my heart, never let it fall apart.
-
Had a stress talk today, and I henceforth conclude that I am TOTALLY a flight kind of person. Ohmahgah ): Fail. Tomorrow H1 I also never do anything for the tutorial, and IDK what to do at all. Litespeed can't let me download anything from H1 chem o.o'' GG.com. Prepare to get scolded tmrw. (but I don't feel like going ahhh)
Flight mode, bye.
-
Had a stress talk today, and I henceforth conclude that I am TOTALLY a flight kind of person. Ohmahgah ): Fail. Tomorrow H1 I also never do anything for the tutorial, and IDK what to do at all. Litespeed can't let me download anything from H1 chem o.o'' GG.com. Prepare to get scolded tmrw. (but I don't feel like going ahhh)
Flight mode, bye.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Talking to yourself
Nobody's Home - Avril Lavigne
I'm slowly falling behind again. Didn't do any homework yet, how do I survive tomorrow? Math integration, OH I did a bit of CS49 but well, it's only just a bit.
Man I told myself I didn't want to go out, and I should have stuck to it. Yesterday after I woke up, I just watched teevee for a bit, then I went for floorball outing and reached home at 1am. Today I woke up, had breakfast, then went for floorball meeting and then to celebrate Rui's birthday and I reached home at 10pm. And for friday night there was training and then we went NEX. Gahhhhhh burned my weekend..
Regret.
I'm slowly falling behind again. Didn't do any homework yet, how do I survive tomorrow? Math integration, OH I did a bit of CS49 but well, it's only just a bit.
Man I told myself I didn't want to go out, and I should have stuck to it. Yesterday after I woke up, I just watched teevee for a bit, then I went for floorball outing and reached home at 1am. Today I woke up, had breakfast, then went for floorball meeting and then to celebrate Rui's birthday and I reached home at 10pm. And for friday night there was training and then we went NEX. Gahhhhhh burned my weekend..
Regret.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Two seconds
One day, I'll hold to a white gardenia gently tinged with pink
And place it in those unknowing hands of yours
And place it in those unknowing hands of yours
And I arrive at the starting point again
The vicious cycle continuessss and tomorrow, I'm going to have to copy my math homework again ._.
-
Seriously, I immerse myself in fictional plots too easily. Stories, dramas. There are those moments when I suddenly think they're real, and then I snap back to reality. It's torturing me far too much )': It's a horrible distraction.
If only the stuff in lecture notes would do the same, then I swear I'd be on the honour roll.
P/s. Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard
-
Seriously, I immerse myself in fictional plots too easily. Stories, dramas. There are those moments when I suddenly think they're real, and then I snap back to reality. It's torturing me far too much )': It's a horrible distraction.
If only the stuff in lecture notes would do the same, then I swear I'd be on the honour roll.
P/s. Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Escape
I really want to run away, I really want to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away, I really need to run away
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
All I can do is....
You know, trying doesn't amount to succeeding.
I reached school half an hour early today just to print my ELL homework, but I forgot I didn't have my ezlink with me.
So after GP, I rannnn to the comp lab to print it. I seriously rushed. But, guess what. I tried logging in to the computer. Failed. Okay, so I moved to a second one. I logged in. Succeeded. Opened my workspace folder, opened my ELL homework files. "Windows cannot find an appropriate program to open the file." What? So I moved to a third one, and finally, FINALLY it succeeded. By then more than 5 mins had passed, and I was sure I was late. So I ran down to the venue, and I stepped in and apologized.
Mrs Lee wasn't happy, and she questioned me. I had no choice but to say that Ms Gopal released us late, which she did (a little only though). She said she would go verify it with her. I totally felt like I crumbled on the inside. I am so screwed up. So so so screwed up. If she really does ask Ms Gopal, I'm dead.
-
I really hate JC2. Right now, I honestly admit I want to retain. Yes, I know that one year later, I'll still have to face JC2. But my JC1 was like, wasted. I didn't pass anything. I don't want to flunk my A's the same way.
Oh right, I can "work harder now". But time waits for no man and I only have 24 hours in a day. How can I make up for a whole year of foundation? I'm already living two days in one; I wake up, go to school, come home, nap, wake up, work till late midnight, catch a few hours of sleep, and then wake up again. But how long can this last? It's only been two days and I'm already in a daze when I'm in school. Not that I'm tired, the sleep is surprisingly enough; but that I feel screwed. Who feels normal when their body clock's messed up like that? And tomorrow's there's floorball training. During the time when I've been sleeping the past two days. Oh great.
I told myself: this year, there's no place for friends, no place for fun, no place for leisure anymore. I'm just gonna be no life. But won't I break down?
I don't have so much energy to spare. I'm not the multitasking type either. There's no place for one when there's the other. It's 'having a life' VS. 'doing well in Alevels'. I mean, you might be thinking that there's definitely a balance between the two, somewhere right? But no, not for me. Cause I'm already lagging doubly behind as everyone else, and so this year I have to put in double the effort. Which means, sacrificing allll my play for work.
Unless I retain. I still have time to consider, you know?
Hah, OGL turned OGM. That'd be a joke, but I don't mind being a joke if it's good for me.
I reached school half an hour early today just to print my ELL homework, but I forgot I didn't have my ezlink with me.
So after GP, I rannnn to the comp lab to print it. I seriously rushed. But, guess what. I tried logging in to the computer. Failed. Okay, so I moved to a second one. I logged in. Succeeded. Opened my workspace folder, opened my ELL homework files. "Windows cannot find an appropriate program to open the file." What? So I moved to a third one, and finally, FINALLY it succeeded. By then more than 5 mins had passed, and I was sure I was late. So I ran down to the venue, and I stepped in and apologized.
Mrs Lee wasn't happy, and she questioned me. I had no choice but to say that Ms Gopal released us late, which she did (a little only though). She said she would go verify it with her. I totally felt like I crumbled on the inside. I am so screwed up. So so so screwed up. If she really does ask Ms Gopal, I'm dead.
-
I really hate JC2. Right now, I honestly admit I want to retain. Yes, I know that one year later, I'll still have to face JC2. But my JC1 was like, wasted. I didn't pass anything. I don't want to flunk my A's the same way.
Oh right, I can "work harder now". But time waits for no man and I only have 24 hours in a day. How can I make up for a whole year of foundation? I'm already living two days in one; I wake up, go to school, come home, nap, wake up, work till late midnight, catch a few hours of sleep, and then wake up again. But how long can this last? It's only been two days and I'm already in a daze when I'm in school. Not that I'm tired, the sleep is surprisingly enough; but that I feel screwed. Who feels normal when their body clock's messed up like that? And tomorrow's there's floorball training. During the time when I've been sleeping the past two days. Oh great.
I told myself: this year, there's no place for friends, no place for fun, no place for leisure anymore. I'm just gonna be no life. But won't I break down?
I don't have so much energy to spare. I'm not the multitasking type either. There's no place for one when there's the other. It's 'having a life' VS. 'doing well in Alevels'. I mean, you might be thinking that there's definitely a balance between the two, somewhere right? But no, not for me. Cause I'm already lagging doubly behind as everyone else, and so this year I have to put in double the effort. Which means, sacrificing allll my play for work.
Unless I retain. I still have time to consider, you know?
Hah, OGL turned OGM. That'd be a joke, but I don't mind being a joke if it's good for me.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
;\
Tomorrow's the first official 'schoolday'. Ahh, I seriously feel so ..depressed? Okay I think I'll describe it this way: I can feel the overwhelming sense of doom envelope me. I've never liked stress, no one does. But people don't understand how badly I hate it. My degree of detest for it as compared to other people is insane. If the average stress tolerance was like, 4~6 kinda value, mine would be around 10.
If school didn't have exams and learning+applying wasn't 'competitive', I would excel at it. But now, looking at the piece of assignment I have and thinking how well the other 7 ELL students are doing it; seriously turns me off like hell.
I wish I could stop comparing myself to others, but it's inevitable. We always talk about how we should just be doing our personal best and whatever, but it's a cruel and realistic world out there. Who cares a blah about your personal best when there's another better.
So yeah, I hate it. I hate competition. And I admit it, I hate learning; the society made me this way.
If school didn't have exams and learning+applying wasn't 'competitive', I would excel at it. But now, looking at the piece of assignment I have and thinking how well the other 7 ELL students are doing it; seriously turns me off like hell.
I wish I could stop comparing myself to others, but it's inevitable. We always talk about how we should just be doing our personal best and whatever, but it's a cruel and realistic world out there. Who cares a blah about your personal best when there's another better.
So yeah, I hate it. I hate competition. And I admit it, I hate learning; the society made me this way.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Change
Now Playing: Cry - MBLAQ
Change is gradual. It doesn't happen overnight.
True. This applies to a lot of things, doesn't it?
-
How many times have you read that well written text, or seen that well taken photo; and wished that you were as talented as the author?
Well, countless for me definitely. I came across this tumblr photo quote:
Today we had our friendly against Bukit Merah Sec! Ohman, kena thrashed. But seriously, I don't feel anything. I expected it long ago. And observation of year 2011: I've lost many things about me.
How do I put it? I've lost my patience, for one. I've lost my passion about certain things. But there are some good things too. I've lost my... uh, sensitivity. As in the kind where I'm sensitive about things. I can still safely say that I'm still sensitive towards people's feelings, yeah. Anyway yah, so yesterday and today, I totally didn't feel nervous AT ALL. Like even when we were about to go on court with only three attackers and Angel asked me which two of us would go first, I didn't exactly.... care. Not that I heck care the match. I guess it's like, my head has total control over my heart regarding this match, cause my head's telling me that there's nothing to be afraid about and that I should just play my best then can already. And my heart's like, "Yeah, totally."
Odd~ But there are still stuff my mind has no control over. Well, that's something I wish I could control too. Zhiqing ah..
Change is gradual. It doesn't happen overnight.
True. This applies to a lot of things, doesn't it?
-
How many times have you read that well written text, or seen that well taken photo; and wished that you were as talented as the author?
Well, countless for me definitely. I came across this tumblr photo quote:
Man, seriously, it's just a simple sentence. No chim vocab, even a kid who just learnt his English could understand it. But the meaning behind it is... well, sophisticated, I would say. Haha I think maybe it just hit the nail, that's why I have the special feeling. But, ah well.Keep your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground.
Today we had our friendly against Bukit Merah Sec! Ohman, kena thrashed. But seriously, I don't feel anything. I expected it long ago. And observation of year 2011: I've lost many things about me.
How do I put it? I've lost my patience, for one. I've lost my passion about certain things. But there are some good things too. I've lost my... uh, sensitivity. As in the kind where I'm sensitive about things. I can still safely say that I'm still sensitive towards people's feelings, yeah. Anyway yah, so yesterday and today, I totally didn't feel nervous AT ALL. Like even when we were about to go on court with only three attackers and Angel asked me which two of us would go first, I didn't exactly.... care. Not that I heck care the match. I guess it's like, my head has total control over my heart regarding this match, cause my head's telling me that there's nothing to be afraid about and that I should just play my best then can already. And my heart's like, "Yeah, totally."
Odd~ But there are still stuff my mind has no control over. Well, that's something I wish I could control too. Zhiqing ah..
Friday, January 7, 2011
-
I can't imagine how you'll feel when you see that.. Angry, depressed, hurt, or heartbroken? Or... all?
Letting go has never been easy. It stabs at you like a knife, suffocates you like an empty oxygen tank. That's why it's difficult to do.
I really hope it doesn't affect you too much, yeah?
Letting go has never been easy. It stabs at you like a knife, suffocates you like an empty oxygen tank. That's why it's difficult to do.
I really hope it doesn't affect you too much, yeah?
Trying
Haha I'm only here cause I'm waiting for my video to load (oops). But okay anyway, there's training tomorrow! And I guess I should really quickly go sleep cause one of my new year resolutions is to NOT BE LATE and another one is to work hard for floorball. So yeahhhh, soon soon.
Anyway, floorball chalet ended yesterday! It was not bad. Haha there were certain times when we were just awfully sianded out, but there were times where we talked and bonded too. So yeah, I wouldn't say it's a failure. Haha it's a $30 3D2N holiday lol :p Hmmm Idk what to say about it, there weren't particularly any highlights for me. Oh! Maybe when we played the Bang bang game. Fun! (Y) Hmm, hope our friendship will last beyond this chalet. Really got to know some of the guys more and it's all good. And I really had fun with the girls ^^
And, I gotta finish up my homework SOON. 3 days to end of holidays )': Well all good things come to an end, and I shall just treat the school term as something good too. I really hope I can do well (and I really don't wanna U-turn).. So yeah, jiayou! To myself, and to everyone out there.
You have only one life, treasure it, never stop learning (no matter how hard it gets at times) and laugh and cry to your heart's desire! Haha cheesy but I think it's true ah. Yup, bye everyone! Have a good and fruitful 2011. (:
Anyway, floorball chalet ended yesterday! It was not bad. Haha there were certain times when we were just awfully sianded out, but there were times where we talked and bonded too. So yeah, I wouldn't say it's a failure. Haha it's a $30 3D2N holiday lol :p Hmmm Idk what to say about it, there weren't particularly any highlights for me. Oh! Maybe when we played the Bang bang game. Fun! (Y) Hmm, hope our friendship will last beyond this chalet. Really got to know some of the guys more and it's all good. And I really had fun with the girls ^^
And, I gotta finish up my homework SOON. 3 days to end of holidays )': Well all good things come to an end, and I shall just treat the school term as something good too. I really hope I can do well (and I really don't wanna U-turn).. So yeah, jiayou! To myself, and to everyone out there.
You have only one life, treasure it, never stop learning (no matter how hard it gets at times) and laugh and cry to your heart's desire! Haha cheesy but I think it's true ah. Yup, bye everyone! Have a good and fruitful 2011. (:
Saturday, January 1, 2011
HAPPY NEW YEAR
HAHAHAH HIIIII EVERYONE :D
It's the first blogpost of the year! And of course I guess, it's gonna be on my New Year's Resolutions. ^^
But before I start on that, I shall recount my awesome encounter! Haha okay today, Wl, Vivien and I met up to go countdown together! Siaoyi etc couldn't make it cause they had their own stuff ): So, we three met up at Cityhall, bought Garrett's Popcorn (which is omgah so awesome, haha try the Chicago mix and then eat the caramel and cheese popcorn TGT) and then we went to watch The Tourist (which is an awesome show too). Before the movie, we had dinner and, we didn't realize that it was time for the movie alrd!!!! Our movie started at 710pm and we were still eating at 715pm LOL. Okay so we RANNNNN like mad from Citylink to Suntec Eng Wah (which btw is freakingggg far) and we were late by about 20mins. So, we decided that one of our new year resolutions is to NEVER be late again, cause we were ultra mad tired from running.
Anyway, after that, we were at Carrefour shopping for stuff to go countdown at Barrage! And guess what, we met Angel, Brandon, Jiayi, Kai Rong, Liyao, Paul and Ryan!! Coincidental manzzzz :D:D Heh "It was fate that brought us together". ;) So we went together at Barrage for the countdown (Brandon and Ryan had to leave first though )));) and we had a hell of a time, seriously. Laughed like mad, and seriously bonded with them quite a lot. (: We saw the fireworks, camwhored a bit, then left. AND ALL OF US CAUGHT THE TRAINS YAY! Win (Y)
Hehe so, since I ended 2010 and started 2011 so well, I shall catch on with the mood and type some positive optimistic realistic resolutions.
#1 Never to be late, again. Ok, this is SUPER hard for me, but since it ought to be corrected, I shall put this as my very first priority!
#2 Do all my homework. Another hard one, but since other people can do it, I should be able to too. Requires extreme discipline. Difficulty: *****
#3 Help the team get top three for A'divs! Team = girls AND guys ^^ We shall train real hard! Hope Coach Marcus won't abandon us like the other coaches lol.....
#4 Balance time spent with family, friends, studies, floorball, kpop and myself equally. Ok lah actually kpop and myself can share, though I am VERY reluctant to say that... :P
#5 Become a better person. HAHA okay this is cliche and lame and vague but I guess it's really something that should be done too. It doesn't matter if life gets suckier, as long as each of us get better and better. WOAH ZHIQING'S WISE GOLDEN WORDS SIOL!! HAHAH kiddingz!!
#6 Never to spout vulgarities other than for entertainment purposes ^^ Otherwise understood as: Never to spout vulgarities to create unhappiness or discomfort or in a bid to insult. AND Only to spout vulgarities to create laughter and joy or in an attempt to be funny.
Okay I think this is all. OMO LOL I should go see my 2010 New Year Resolutions! (if I even typed them. heh) Haha okay bye, have an awesome year ahead everyone!
It's the first blogpost of the year! And of course I guess, it's gonna be on my New Year's Resolutions. ^^
But before I start on that, I shall recount my awesome encounter! Haha okay today, Wl, Vivien and I met up to go countdown together! Siaoyi etc couldn't make it cause they had their own stuff ): So, we three met up at Cityhall, bought Garrett's Popcorn (which is omgah so awesome, haha try the Chicago mix and then eat the caramel and cheese popcorn TGT) and then we went to watch The Tourist (which is an awesome show too). Before the movie, we had dinner and, we didn't realize that it was time for the movie alrd!!!! Our movie started at 710pm and we were still eating at 715pm LOL. Okay so we RANNNNN like mad from Citylink to Suntec Eng Wah (which btw is freakingggg far) and we were late by about 20mins. So, we decided that one of our new year resolutions is to NEVER be late again, cause we were ultra mad tired from running.
Anyway, after that, we were at Carrefour shopping for stuff to go countdown at Barrage! And guess what, we met Angel, Brandon, Jiayi, Kai Rong, Liyao, Paul and Ryan!! Coincidental manzzzz :D:D Heh "It was fate that brought us together". ;) So we went together at Barrage for the countdown (Brandon and Ryan had to leave first though )));) and we had a hell of a time, seriously. Laughed like mad, and seriously bonded with them quite a lot. (: We saw the fireworks, camwhored a bit, then left. AND ALL OF US CAUGHT THE TRAINS YAY! Win (Y)
Hehe so, since I ended 2010 and started 2011 so well, I shall catch on with the mood and type some positive optimistic realistic resolutions.
#1 Never to be late, again. Ok, this is SUPER hard for me, but since it ought to be corrected, I shall put this as my very first priority!
#2 Do all my homework. Another hard one, but since other people can do it, I should be able to too. Requires extreme discipline. Difficulty: *****
#3 Help the team get top three for A'divs! Team = girls AND guys ^^ We shall train real hard! Hope Coach Marcus won't abandon us like the other coaches lol.....
#4 Balance time spent with family, friends, studies, floorball, kpop and myself equally. Ok lah actually kpop and myself can share, though I am VERY reluctant to say that... :P
#5 Become a better person. HAHA okay this is cliche and lame and vague but I guess it's really something that should be done too. It doesn't matter if life gets suckier, as long as each of us get better and better. WOAH ZHIQING'S WISE GOLDEN WORDS SIOL!! HAHAH kiddingz!!
#6 Never to spout vulgarities other than for entertainment purposes ^^ Otherwise understood as: Never to spout vulgarities to create unhappiness or discomfort or in a bid to insult. AND Only to spout vulgarities to create laughter and joy or in an attempt to be funny.
Okay I think this is all. OMO LOL I should go see my 2010 New Year Resolutions! (if I even typed them. heh) Haha okay bye, have an awesome year ahead everyone!
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