last ride home

i met you today. part of me feared how it would play out, but it was far better than i imagined. both of us have calmed down and reflected a fair amount, and managed to communicate our pain and love adequately. through that we were also still able to clearly see and agree that we wouldn’t work out now even if we tried. 

i felt so happy being able to chat with you about the everyday of the last two months. i felt so glad you were coping with it the best way you could, healthier than i imagined in my head. a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. 

i felt so thankful you offered me a ride home. i don’t know if you brought your extra helmet for me or because you already had it from sending your sister, but i didn’t ask. it didn’t matter. this last ride home was rainy but i felt warm, and i felt safer than any time i rode myself. i tried to commit to memory the feeling of your jacket in my hands, your helmet and its scratches, your messy braid. the way i learnt to dress for riding from you. i hope i remember it forever.

today i hoped to help you, but really it helped me too. i have so much love for you and i always will. thank you.