I was thinking about this a few days ago. Sometimes, in TV shows, there's this typical storyline. There's a loving couple, then suddenly one of them gets into another relationship and cheats on the other. And then he/she gets found out, he/she regrets, and claims how much he/she actually loves the other and it was all just a rash mistake.
It got me thinking, if you honestly love someone, how would you bear to hurt him/her? Yeah, we are all humans.. Maybe I need to understand this. But I just can't. Why do people tend to always think of themselves first? Why can't we be more rational when we need to? I'm not saying that I can be, of course.
And it linked to my family. I thought about how I really believe my second brother loves my mom a lot a lot. But cause of his horrible temper, he always raises his voice at her uncontrollably and, my mom ends up getting hurt. And it happened today morning, cause of me. This was what happened:
Yesterday night, I was really tired so I gave up waiting for my brother to bring the laptop home for me to do PW. I set my alarm to 6am to wake up and do since I assumed he'd be home by then. Then I slept.
Then, I woke up at 6am, and my mom told me, (in chinese) "Your brother's not even home yet, do what do?" and so I was like, "Oh nevermind then." and I went back to sleep. Around a while later, I heard a commotion from the living room, and it was my mom quarrelling with my bro who just reached home. My mom was scolding him about how I couldn't get to do my work cause he didn't come home the whole night. And she complained about how he always stayed out overnight etc etc. The quarrel was getting harsh, and they came into the room.
Before long, it escalated to other things: How his table was so messy, how come we bought the other laptop when we couldn't use it for work, how come he always raised his voice at her, etc etc.
But my bro answered all (albeit in a super loud and fierce tone). To the staying out overnight, this time was because he was celebrating his friend's birthday. And honestly, it was my fault for assuming he would come home and not informing him that I needed the laptop. To the table being messy, it was cause now is his exam period and when he's at home, he's always studying, so he has no time to clear the mess. About the other laptop, me and my bro explained a million times already but she just doesn't understand. The ONLY problem with the comp is that it doesn't have Microsoft Office, and the OTHER functions are all better than the one with MicOffice. We bought the com so that my bro could use the lousier one for his uni studies, and I could use the better one at home for like everything else. But she doesn't understand. And she demanded we buy MicOffice for the better com. The reason why we don't want to, is cause it's expensive, and we both know I only need it like for a couple more weeks for PW. And not like the family's finances are stable. We just want to save money for her.. So my brother, in a fit of anger, replied: (in chinese) "If you're so good, then you go buy la! I will not buy it no matter what!" and that got my mom crying. She said something that pierced my heart so badly, and I guess, this time, it's my bro's fault for saying something so harsh.. "Yes, I am not good at anything, I cannot do anything, you are the most able, you can even talk to me this way!"
And all the way, I could only lie there frozen, unable to say/do anything. I could only cry silently.
Me and my bro love my mom so much, we both know that. But my mom doesn't think we do.. If so, what's the use of us loving her? She never understands our intentions and she never realizes the little things we do for her. We don't tell her cause we think it's only right that we do.
The countless times we've rejected dates and chose to come home to eat with her.
When we take a long detour just to buy nice food for her to eat even though we're so tired ourselves.
When I don't go to church so that I can accompany her at home.
When my brother has to empty his wallet just to cab to his church so he has time to have breakfast with her.
When she takes our hard-saved, hard-earned money without returning and we keep quiet.
- To this, there was once I saved money to go overseas with my friends. And cause of this, I couldn't.. So I told my friends I didn't save money at all. And they went without me, even having a FREAKING good time.
When she scolds us because she's in a bad mood, and we shut up even when we did nothing wrong.
When I always speak to her in a really nice tone when I know there are other people who scream at their parents.
But she doesn't understand the stress we go through, when school and friends are just troubling us so badly, or when we just want to rest, we can't help but raise our voices at whoever talks to us.
I wish she knew, I wish she knew everything. But she doesn't.
Are we still counted as loving her..?
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