Commodification

"While a person dies every day during the eight or more hours in which he or she functions as a commodity, individuals come to life afterward in their spiritual creations. But this remedy bears the germs of the same sickness: that of a solitary being seeking harmony with the world."

- Che Guevara

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Drowning

I think I'm that.

I know how to swim. I land in troubled waters, and I struggle. I panic. I flap my limbs around trying to get to something, anything, and I panic. I grab onto something. A plank. Some more planks. Eventually, I hold out long enough to chance upon a lifejacket. I hold on to them for my dear life, and the waters still.

I hold on to them still, I hold on so tightly.

Then the waters rise in havoc again. I lose the planks. I clutch onto the lifejacket so tightly as I get embroiled in the mess, and now I don't know what will become of me; if I'll be as lucky this time.

Problem isn't if I survive. What's bad is, throughout it all, I forgot that I know how to swim. And the pressing problem now is: I can't remember.


/edit: Now listening to Nell. They're good. Or he. Idk which.

If I were to write a book

Yeah, so I was watching this talk show where the guests were asked what they wanted to write about if they were to publish a book. It got me wondering too..

My book would be titled 'Growing Up'. LOL cliche title I know, but I don't wanna give it a fanciful title because there isn't anything fanciful about it at all. And I know, I'm not even an adult yet, but there are lots of things I believe I know already. Age is but a number yeah.

I think certain blogposts of mine would be good material. Lol. But the thing is, why would people be even interested in what I think? Haha, but given the chance though, I would really wanna publish such a book in future. Hmm.

-

Anyway I'm using my phone to blog now. Hard to type, but I'll get the hang of it ...eventually. Off to study now, I need to stop being distracted. Bye!

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Money love, fashion fame; and all that's in between

You know that happiness you're afraid to let end. You know those chances you wish you never let slip. What happened? Life happened. That's what it is.

-

Okay, so tomorrow I'm getting a new phone! I just hope I don't fall sick (s'been three days since I started feeling like my brain got blended) and I hope the admin stuff goes well cause there're loads of stuff I need to clarify regarding my plan before I can get it. AND I hope I get to keep my number too; it rolls on my tongue. Tutu oh, tutu fai~

Then again if it doesn't work out it's God's way of telling me that I'll be distracted by it. Lol 24 days to A's and I'm still feeling like it's 240. Hmmmmm okay nah maybe 90. Yeah, something like that.

Today was Graduation Day and yesterday I considered skipping. Only when I got to school and got out of the boring speeches and announcement of sushi honour roll and whatnot did I realize why Huixian went "WHYYYY" when I told her my intentions of skipping. People were taking photos, giving out letters to classmates and friends, grabbing teachers for a shot, chattering (with excitement? I think) and running around. I never thought that much of it ..and I was of course disoriented. Um, wow.

I felt sorry though. To my friends. It's like I never considered anything special to do for them, and I felt like what Shiqi described me as was very apt: socially awkward. Lol, Idk why, are these like the effects of closing myself up? Or am I just thinking too much and I'm actually just ill and out-of-it? I hope it's the latter. But at one point I felt so (emotionally) wrecked I almost cried. Held it in though, everyone'd think I was crazy.

Took photos with class clique and then with the 1013 clique. I hope my presence made up for something, and I tried to liven things up a bit, so.. Yup. Can't help but doubt myself though, why am I so horrid?

Hais.

Now listening to: Take Me Away by U-KISS. Had immense potential to be a much better song but it's alright, my type of song lol.

Honestly?

Idgaf.


True friends stay. No, I'm not talking about anyone at all. I'm talking about me, I'm the one who doesn't stay.


-


I feel so angsty right now I can combust the moon into another Sun with the intensity of my emotions.


Exaggerating?
Lol, I don't give a f-




Restraint. Practice in progress. See whether by the end of A's my pent-up freakshit issues are higher, or my rank points.


I doubt it's the latter.


I SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY think I'm getting some mental problem
My head hurts.
I think anyone who sees this post will hesitate to talk to me the next time there's a need for them to.

Ah heck it. I really really wish I can survive this period though. I know I will, but it's two different things between knowing you will and feeling you won't. Because you're definitely lying to yourself either way, you just don't know which side to take and your heart and mind are in a match of tug-o-war.

Raw

You hold me by an invisible leash you call my future.

I hold myself back by something I know as an unspoken debt. One which will never be fully repaid.
And thus I go through the processes of which I don't enjoy. Question is, will, and should I let this vicious cycle continue?

Sew and rip, mend and rip

Here it is again. My not-a-care-in-the-world mood, fueled by hedonism. Yes, hedonism. Lol I learnt that word from the drilling of countless GP compre essays which had that word inside, speaking of it in a negative light.

But oh, come on. What's so bad about pursuing happiness? Seriously. Unless I got the meaning of the word wrong, which would explain why I rarely pass my vocabulary section of the paper. I dunno, lol. Whatever.

Hmm so blogger has a new layout? Tsk. Random.

There are so many things I wanna do after my A's.. But somehow, won't we all end up lazing at home despite the exciting and majestic plans we've conjured? Just like after the O's. Such is life ..though, I really wish I get down to doing the things I wanna do.

If I didn't remember wrongly, my after O's to-do-list comprised mainly shopping, playing, working, those kind of things. Maybe the after A's one will work out since it's kind of different, though there are bound to be some similarities of course. Like, working. I gotta save up. I've an amount which I'm gonna really hide and treasure because there's so much I need -- need, not want -- to do with it. I've drafted a spending 'itinerary' for it and they're a list of priorities. There are a few things inside which aren't exactly necessities, but they're priorities because I've considered how much I really want them, plus I really don't believe life is all about just fulfilling your needs but also your wants, so whatever. You gotta reward yourself from time to time. As long as it's not excessive, it should be fine.

Speaking of excessive, I'm taking an excessive break from mugging. Been slacking from yesterday afternoon till now. Oh dang. I hope I return to it later..

Back on topic, the amount I've saved so far isn't a lot, but it's decent. I set aside some money for prom, since we haven't paid the full amount, and also I think I'm gonna spend on the clothes (and makeup? Lol) as much as my mind screams that it's a waste of money. Okay, at least I prepared myself for it in advance, it shouldn't get too much out of hand haha.

And then there's overseas trips with cliques.........which I haven't set aside any money for. Dang. Dang. Dang  .______. There's Genting with the class clique, and then ..the unconfirmed trip with the floorball clique (which I wonder, by the way, if it'll even happen). Life is unpredictable. And I haven't really accepted this fact, though I've come to terms with it. 2 years ago in secondary school I would've been pulling my hair out over this, but no, not now. I guess you could call it maturing, but I call it becoming numb. I don't like how the people in the world work. They make me doubtful and cynical. Haha, angsty much?

Okay, and there are random stuff like an iPhone (I've wanted one since sooooo long ago, mehmeh), uh, university application fee to SNU, and.. I can't really remember. But nevermind. Then there's the stuff I wanna do in the 8(?) months (which hopefully really only needs time and not money). Haha mundane stuff like writing, watching dramas, catching up with friends (okay this prolly needs money), playing MapleStory (LOL I kind of look forward to this) and reading books and fics.

Oh, and not forgetting, leveled-up fangirling. Lalalalala. I know, I just had to ruin the to-do-list. (:

Waiting for the End - Linkin Park

This is not the end
This is not the beginning,
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty's within 'em

We say Yeah!
With fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something
That's invisible there,
'Cause we're living at the mercy of
The pain and the fear
Until we dead it, Forget it,
Let it all disappear

Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It's out of my control

Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It's hard to let you go

(Oh!) I know what it takes to move on,
I know how it feels to lie,
All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last,
I wish it wasn't so

(Oh!) I know what it takes to move on,
I know how it feels to lie,
All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

What was left when that fire was gone?
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on
And i don't even know what kind of things I've said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So, picking up the pieces, now where to begin?
The hardest part of ending is starting again

All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

This is not the end
This is not the beginning,
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violet rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty's within 'em
(Holding on to what i haven't got)

We say Yeah!
With fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something
That's invisible there,
'Cause we're living at the mercy of
The pain and the fear
Until we dead it, Forget it,
Let it all disappear
(Holding on to what I haven't got)


-

“It's you who makes the world complicated,” he sternly corrected, “You learn in school that the world is complicated and will always be complicated, when in fact, it isn't. You learn math in school and are taught to only see the complexity in numbers, and dismiss the simplicity and elegance of getting the solution. You learn sociology, psychology and only see the complexities of the human affairs but ignore the simplicity of basic human needs that are the root cause of any human behavior. You learn science in school and are taught to observe the complex world around you, but are blind to the simplicity and wonder of the basic building blocks of all matter. Love, as in with every subject, the more you know about it, the more you find it simpler, ironically enough.” 

I agree... I agree. 

Life - SHINee

Oh, when this passing life withers away, you come to me
The moment I touch your frozen heart, my life begins
When you’re tired and having a hard time
Please let me stay by your side
So I can give back to you the love I had only received
Before this life ends

When I get on my knees and cry before the world
When I stop my tracks inside the storm
If you alone are standing
I can handle this much pain and suffering
(If only you) If only you
(Are with me) Are with me in my life

When I lose my way inside the dark forest
When my young soul is crying
Guide me like a light, like a miracle
Before this life ends

When I get on my knees and cry before the world
When I stop my tracks inside the storm
If you alone are standing
I can suppress whatever pain and tears
(All I want is you) All I want is you
(Only one is you) Only one is you in my life

I won’t cry, I won’t cry again
Absolutely nothing can stop me
But only one person
You make me, you perfect me
Oh, you make me able to breathe like this

When I get on my knees and cry before the world
When I stop my tracks inside the storm
If you alone are standing
I can handle this much pain and suffering
(If only you) If only you
(Are with me) Are with me

When I get on my knees and cry before the world
When I stop my tracks inside the storm
If you alone are standing
I can suppress whatever pain and tears
(All I want is you) All I want is you
(Only one is you) Only one is you in my life

-

Defenses chipping, little by little.

"And I can't breathe without you, but I have to"

Man, my temper's been getting worse recently. I could blame it all on the stress again, but then I don't really know. Is it? I think there's more.

Hmm, I realized something a few days ago, and I don't know what to make out of it. I forgot someone's birthday. Not just someone someone, but someone. And I only realized now in August, over 3 months overdue. I'm not gonna talk much about it, but it confused me so badly. I don't know, really.

Anyway, that wasn't what I wanted to blog about. Idk why I'm so sensitive today, it's something I haven't experienced in a long time. During breakfast, I was experiencing severe wake-up grouchiness (I haven't woken up naturally for weeks already) and so I didn't really talk much. All of a sudden, I felt like I shouldn't, because I remembered how mad I was at my mom last Sunday for not eating our routine weekly family breakfast with us just cause she was supposed to be eating vegetarian. I wouldn't have minded eating with her, and yet she went off without us. It's petty of me, but I did reject my friend's offer to study earlier just for that, and... Yeah. I didn't wanna waste the precious family time. So, I attempted to join the conversation. My mom and oldest brother were talking about the presidential elections while everyone else was busy with something else, so I asked them who they were voting for. They heard me, they even gave me a momentary glance. And yet, the very next moment they continued talking as if I hadn't said anything at all. At that very moment, I was like Wtf? Like, really.. I even almost teared on the spot, but I held it in and I continued eating silently. Call it a silent surrender.

But as we left the restaurant, my mom made the initiative to talk to me. Maybe it was because my brother and his wife was busy with their daughter, maybe cause my second bro was buying something, maybe cause my dad left already, but I don't really know. I can't even remember what she said, but I remember how she gently tried to hold my hand, as if she had to seek permission, and I realized how long I hadn't held her hands already. I realized how big I've grown, and, how far apart we've drifted. I don't know... I gently held her hand back, but barely moments later we had to go, so we let go. But on the car, I thought about it, and.. I wish I could have continued holding on. I miss that, from my childhood.

Oh well.. I think I don't have the courage to do anything about it. I'm a wuss. It's all too bad.

Rain rain

Nope, not in a particularly depressed or melancholic mood right now. But I was thinking, I don't even need someone who can accept my flaws. I don't need that type of consolation cause I think it leads to stagnation. I just wish, I had someone who knew me better than I know myself.

Breathe

Just because I don't show things, doesn't mean I don't feel them.


I seem to have locked myself up again. I don't know if this description is apt enough, but I'll stick with it. I feel sick, I feel alienated. I really don't want to let anyone know how I feel. I can smile every day, and the next, and the ones after that, and continue my life like that. But do I really? I don't know.

Recently, I've known people who have gone to the school counsellor to talk. I know people who've talked to Ms Hazel (she's as good as one, her kind heart makes her so). I thought about whether I wanted to do that too, but then again, something just holds me back. Either that or, I'm just waiting for someone to reach out first. But there are so many things I wanna hide, so many things I wanna forget, and so many things I want to get over. I can't tell anyone. I don't know.

I can't express myself well. I think too much. I'm afraid that showing my emotions too easily makes me vulnerable, I have no faith in people. Or rather, I'm insecure regarding matters of the heart.

Some part of me wishes I could spill it all out, maybe that's why I'm distracted. My ELL teacher Mrs Lee said that I'm a very distracted person. But why? How? What do I do? I have no idea. I know a lot of things about this world, I'm confident of that. But I know nearly nothing about myself.

/edit: Though I say things in a joking manner, but I mean them. I mean it when I say; one who's alone need not be lonely, yet one who's within a crowd may be.

"If you'd just learn to broaden your sight, you'll see so many things you're missing out on right now. It doesn't help if glimpse to the side every once in a while, because one day you'll find that the other things you used to had will end up gone and you wouldn't even have realized it."

What Faith Can Do - Kutless

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

Aporia

I find it uncomfortable when people are real nice to me. Of course, I do want people to be, lol I don't have self-torturing tendencies. I somehow think it's just that, I feel undeserving. I can't return the same amount people give to me, I disappoint people all the time. Well, I don't know. I like to love a lot, but to be loved is burdening.

At this rate I'm never going to get married in future ;~; dasnfjsabasfjkfnvajfnmkcjfsh.

Er. Crazy. Trololololooool.

Nostalgiaaaa

Was checking out the soundtracks for Transformers just now cause I saw a few links on Youtube, and I ended up listening to a few of Linkin Park's old songs. Man, I really haven't realized that I like most of their songs, especially the classics, like Numb, Faint, Crawling, Papercut, and for the more recent ones, What I've Done and Shadow of the Day. Lol I'm secretly a rocker, so secretly that this secret shocked myself ._. Hahaha lame.

But ah, got reminded of how a few months back (maybe really really few), Numb was a song that made my heart hurt everytime I thought about it. The lyrics are really fitting.. Hmm the fact that I'm bringing this up so nonchalantly probably suggests that I've accepted it already, but I guess it'll always be a stigma hidden somewhere within me lol. Just like my rockerrrrrrr persona, hahahaha.

Numb - Linkin Park

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me,
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)

Underpromotion and overprovidence

Kay, here's the thing I typed in my phone. Gonna be a long one..

***

160611

My brother is one person I've appreciated coversing with very much. There are others of course, but him, I've to mention, because he's after all 7 years my senior, and has a multitude wider of a range of life experiences than me. I'm thankful for that, 'cause whenever I talk to him, I'm able to broaden my perspectives a lot and gain an increased insight on life. Today we went out to study together, and although I ended up talking to him (not chatting, but kind of like, discussing in depth), I don't find it a waste of time at all, because I've learnt so much from it.

Hmm, how should I put this? Today was definitely one of the most productive discussions we've had together (note: 1. For me, at least. 2. Not saying our other discussions were mediocre lol.) and wow, what I've realized today is probably gonna be a contributing reason for my fulfilling life in future (if I do tend to have one, that is). Haha and so I'm kinda in the mood to write this entry novel style, and I don't freaking care if anyone finds it fake/crazy/mental, it's my friggin blog and I do what I like. Deal with it. Hah.

So, we sat down in Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf at Bras Basah after a long walk in the sweltering heat, and I ordered some Cookies and Cream drink I've been lamenting not buying ever since the last time I was at the Farrer Park CBTL just because I couldn't find it on the menu boards. Our discussion started after I complained about how I regretted not buying the venti for a mere 50cents more as compared to the regular size I got. And so he broke it down for me logically, saying how I might have instead regretted not buying the regular if I bought the venti and found it too much, and how if only they had the insight to price it at 7.90 instead of 8bucks, many more people (including myself and him, we admit) would've been enticed into buying the venti instead, gaining them (CBTL) a 40cent increase in revenue rather than a 10cent loss per cup. Then we moved on to saying how from an economical perspective, I would've gained more from buying the venti since it's of more value, and I went on to suggest that from a health perspective, I actually gain (or rather, lose, hahhhh) from buying the regular because I avoided the unnecessary extra sugar intake.

Yeah then our discussion stretched and expanded a lot, into a span of a few hours which I strongly believe, if recorded, would've been ample material for a book. LOL like those on self-improvement yknow. Haha I totally wish I could reproduce everything here, but it's just too much to, in both the sense that there's too much in terms of quantity to type and also that I should be spending this time for studying instead, if I consider opportunity cost.

I wanted to blog about this, kinda cause I wanted to remind myself of this conversation and NOT ever forget about its content. Seriously, today I was mind-blown, no exaggeration. We toppled over certain beliefs I had in life (for the better) and I literally had this weight on my brain (which is still present now, 2hours later) from the realization of it all. I just wanna say that I've been naive my whole life and that I am stupid, I am. I'll be changing that though, so I hope I'm gonna start becoming an increasingly better person to myself. Keywords: 'to myself'. I'm not going to raise anyone's expectations of me because I'm not gonna make any promises to provide that, so hahaha sorry.

Pointers to myself, and to anyone who can amazingly comprehend the crypticness of them:

1. Underpromotion and overprovidence

2. Knowledge VS. Utility

3. 'Bitterness before sweetness'

4. Decisions and calculated risks

5. Amplified effects of short-term consistent decisions in the long run

6. Talent VS. Those without it

7. Nature or Nurture

***

Okay my gad, that was one long hell of a rant. I suddenly feel like a fool again because there are certain parts I don't remember in the blog post. Zzzzzz. Especially among the 'Pointers'. Ah whatever. Anyway just a heads up, I typed this entry in my phone the night of the discussion, but I couldn't get it to send so I had to retype it here manually.

On a reflective level, though, I'm pretty sure that day's talk has settled itself and it's somewhere in my mind now, subtly playing a part in my thought processes and whatnot.

And double my gad, I think this is the most boring post I have ever written. I can't believe I actually had the urge over the past few days to immediately go to Kinokuniya or Times or whatever when A's end to buy a self-improvement book. The urge just died and got banished to hell lol O___O If you ever see me with one, though, I go against myself all the time. So yep. Bye.

P/s. I haven't slept for 42 hours! Exciting. Shall try to drag it to 44 (not just so it's 44, but cause I really have things to do lol) and then knock out. Yay night!

-

I wish I was a better daughter.
A daughter who even if she didn't have any achievements they could be proud of, but at least made them happy and treated them as who they deserved to be at the very least -- people who mattered.
Not like me.

Tears of laughter

Wow I've a lot to post this time. I'm blogging now 'cause I wanna recount what happened while I was on the way home just now, while the other thing I wanna blog is an entry I typed into my phone, which unfortunately zzzzz cannot be posted using mobile Blogger for I-don't-know-what-reason. So yea, shall type it out later.

For now, just a light-hearted entry, heh. ^^

Just now, I went to Macs with my childhood friend (who lives 5 floors below me in the same block). As we were on our way back, I spotted that the moon was real pretty, it was bright and clear, so I told her to look. She was astonished by its beauty (uh well, 'astonished' in her own way, lol she exclaimed "Walau spotlight lor that one!"), so she insisted that she took a photo of it. I was then jokingly bickering with her about how it's never possible to take a nice photo of the moon, and yet she continued to take her phone out, so I took a look at her screen and I laughed, saying "Eh you take photo of a spotlight for what!" 'cause it was just an orb on the screen LOL.

So we continued walking, and we talked about some stuff (I seriously can't remember what suddenly, it was funny too though) and she kept spraying water on the floor with her Nike bottle (the second gen design). I told her, "Stop using your thermometer to spray here spray there la!" and she looked at me with a perturbed look, like O.o-what-chu-talking kinda look, and then she suddenly burst out in laughter and this time it was my turn to give her the look lol. She was like "Not bad, funny funny!!!" and then she made some motions with her hands to simulate the action of putting a thermometer into her ear. Turns out that she's never heard anyone refer to it as a thermometer before, nor thought of it herself. Haha woah seriously different social networks man, different schools probably have different jokes circulating around.

Tsk so while we were crossing the canal/drain/river, I was trying to find the reflection of the moon in the water. I have to mention that it was already past midnight while we were on our way, so the place was deserted and dark. Finally I found it and I was signalling for her to just make a small out-of-the-way detour to where I was standing, and again she wanted to take a photo of it. She was contemplating doing it when all of a sudden I thought of something and I dragged her away, bursting out in laughter at the same time. I told her, in between spurts of laughter, "Later your photo got one hand inside sia," and I even added a demonstration of it LOL -.- The joke about this is 'cause the drain at my house is the one where recently a 15-year-old Indonesian boy slipped in and drowned, and the exact stretch we were along was where they found the body, so yeah. To be honest, I was scared, but I found it funny at the same time, that's why I dragged her a small distance before saying it out. She laughed too when I said it, and then she murmured to me that it's actually quite creepy because we were the only two people there. I laughed harder and told her that I too was shocked by my own random thought-cum-joke, and we just kept laughing (by now our backs were facing the river because we crossed it already) so I said, "-hahahahha-Eh keep-hahahaha-laughing-hahahaha-then we won't be-hahahaha-scared-hahaha-". Thankfully this made us continue laughing, and we managed to get away from there 'safely' LOL.

She then mentioned this korean variety show which I asked her to watch, in which the guests tried to spot the 'spiritual beings' inside short video clips supposedly found from the internet. She was saying that the videos were too freaky since she was watching the show at night, so much so she decided to stop watching. I commented that I didn't find them scary cause I was firstly, unbelieving of the validity of the videos, and secondly, more intrigued with trying to spot possible appearances of the ghost, not to mention I was laughing my head off at the guests/hosts of the show (Koreans are awesome entertainers I swear). She then replied that she still felt scared cause they seemed pretty real, plus it's not easy to psycho oneself into not believing so. At this moment, she suddenly seemed to get a shock from something, then she pointed behind us, explaining, "Aiyo omg that cat just lie there, scare me," and I broke out in laughter again cause she was obviously thinking too much due to our supernatural-themed talk. After I collected myself, I looked to where she had pointed to earlier and I could see no cat, so I backtracked a little to get a clearer view. Noticing my actions, she panicked. "Thereeee it's on the car! Eh don't scare me hor, don't tell me only I can see it!!!" and I just gave a small chuckle in response cause I was focusing on trying to spot the position of said cat which had surprised her earlier. My eyes glanced over the hoods of the cars, then between the cars, and under them, but I could see no cat! Just as I was really nearing the cars, I spotted a white and orange cat sprawled over the front portion of the first car and I immediately exploded in laughter upon realization. My friend laughed simultaneously in the very next instant, scolding me "A big fat cat like that also cannot see" and we both laughed so freaking hard I teared.

By then we were reaching the lift, and our laughter subsided, and she said that we'd do well on variety shows lolol. I wanted to tell her that we probably would be the only two laughing at our jokes but thanks to my horrible habit of laughing before I make a joke, she made a guess at what I was going to say, thinking that it was some other joke we laughed about a few days back regarding variety shows, so I got a hold on myself and told her what I really wanted to say, and she laughed, saying that she made the guess cause we almost always repeat and laugh at the same few jokes when we're together. And yeah, by then we already reached her floor and we said bye, with her mentioning that we also always abrubtly cut off our conversations when we reach her floor.

Ahahaha yup, so that totally made my day (or night) and I'm thankful for having a friend I grew up with such that it's so comfortable to hang out together.
Tsk this is one long hell of a post manz, hehe. It shall serve to remind me of this good time I've had, even if it's just a short one. Alright, off to bathe now! I smell of fries ._. Goodbye, ciao, annyeonggggg! Hope it was a good read~ Merci beaucoup (:

-

"I cried so much when we won first for 'Into the New World,' and the rookie award at the yearly music awards, but these tears that I had were different from the tears I had when I was tired ..."
- Kim Taeyeon

/edit: Found this in my drafts from weeks/months ago. Okay, shall publish it.