Sunday, November 28, 2010
Human nature
Follow what good feelings your heart has, and ignore the bad. Follow what positive thoughts your mind has, and ignore the negative. ...if you can.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
I try to be grateful.
Hey, today is Thanksgiving Day! (4th Thursday of every Nov) So yeah, gonna thank some people. You may/may not read this post, and your name may/may not be here, but it doesn't mean I have nothing to thank you for. Just gonna be to my family, cliques, and a few other people. Nanyang based.
My mother (who obviously won't see this): Thanks for enduring the shit I give you every single day, and not walking out on me even though you could have any time you wanted.
My second brother: Thanks for not flaring up when I scream at you out of no reason. Thanks for always taking my side.
Alphabetical order:
Alicia: Thanks for being such an easygoing friend, always willing to go with what we want. (:
Alison: Thanks for being so retarded and always playing with me, it all started with a "Want fight ah?!" :p
Angel: Thanks for trying your best to help the team, and putting up with all the trouble we give.. (:
Calise: Thanks for always helping me keep up with school stuff when I pon school, and always giving me encouraging advice when I need it!! (':
Catherine: Thanks for giving each of us so much advice, I can see the best intentions you have for us, only wanting to help us and not harm us, even if you seem to be angry at us sometimes. ;)
Chekwei: Thanks for being a great brother to me, for having listened to me everytime I needed to rant, and for making me laugh and smile so many times. (:
Cindy: Thanks for always putting up with us when we disturb you, and thanks for being such a hardworking friend which I can look up to! (:
Diondra: Thanks for being my telepathic old new emo buddy, for giving me so much laughter and heartwarming moments! Thanks that I can always feel relaxed and go crazy when I'm with you, and thanks for giving me so much love (':
Huixian: Thanks for being my fake lover and providing me with so much joy and laughter when we're together, and always being on my side to scold people who are against me and making me laugh. <3
Huiyang: Thanks for being so encouraging, and for being someone I can talk with about anything to do with life, and for being a role model for me to follow. ;)
Shanice: Thanks for always listening to us when we're talking about floorball, though you may not know a bit of it, and thanks for always trying to understand even when you could have just left what we say as it is. (:
Shiqi: Thanks for growing with me in God, and for giving me so much encouragement everytime I face a setback! And thanks for being everyone's source of entertainment whenever school seems so boring, you're a great friend to all of us (:
Siaoyi: Thanks for working so hard to accomodate to me as a partner in floorball, and thanks for always laughing at my lame jokes and humouring me. Thanks for being a great friend to talk to and joke with! :D
Weiling: Thanks for being my sister all this while, thanks for providing me with so much consolation and encouragement everytime, always being there for me, thanks for all the letters and presents, thanks for all the considerate acts and words, thanks for the laughter, thanks for the smiles, thanks for the time, thanks for so so much!! And thanks for the countless times I haven't been a good friend, yet you still loved me as a sister. (:
Vivien: Thanks for always noticing something's wrong, and trying to dig it out from me, thanks for always laughing at my retarded jokes, for being so silly with me everytime, thanks for the fun times you've given to me, thanks for the memorable events we've had, thanks for sharing a common experience with me and understanding me! And thanks for the love you've shown to me, twin! (:
Last but NOT least, to God:
Thank You for all these people you have placed in my life, and the others I haven't mentioned too. Thank You for blessing me so so much. ((:
My mother (who obviously won't see this): Thanks for enduring the shit I give you every single day, and not walking out on me even though you could have any time you wanted.
My second brother: Thanks for not flaring up when I scream at you out of no reason. Thanks for always taking my side.
Alphabetical order:
Alicia: Thanks for being such an easygoing friend, always willing to go with what we want. (:
Alison: Thanks for being so retarded and always playing with me, it all started with a "Want fight ah?!" :p
Angel: Thanks for trying your best to help the team, and putting up with all the trouble we give.. (:
Calise: Thanks for always helping me keep up with school stuff when I pon school, and always giving me encouraging advice when I need it!! (':
Catherine: Thanks for giving each of us so much advice, I can see the best intentions you have for us, only wanting to help us and not harm us, even if you seem to be angry at us sometimes. ;)
Chekwei: Thanks for being a great brother to me, for having listened to me everytime I needed to rant, and for making me laugh and smile so many times. (:
Cindy: Thanks for always putting up with us when we disturb you, and thanks for being such a hardworking friend which I can look up to! (:
Diondra: Thanks for being my telepathic old new emo buddy, for giving me so much laughter and heartwarming moments! Thanks that I can always feel relaxed and go crazy when I'm with you, and thanks for giving me so much love (':
Huixian: Thanks for being my fake lover and providing me with so much joy and laughter when we're together, and always being on my side to scold people who are against me and making me laugh. <3
Huiyang: Thanks for being so encouraging, and for being someone I can talk with about anything to do with life, and for being a role model for me to follow. ;)
Shanice: Thanks for always listening to us when we're talking about floorball, though you may not know a bit of it, and thanks for always trying to understand even when you could have just left what we say as it is. (:
Shiqi: Thanks for growing with me in God, and for giving me so much encouragement everytime I face a setback! And thanks for being everyone's source of entertainment whenever school seems so boring, you're a great friend to all of us (:
Siaoyi: Thanks for working so hard to accomodate to me as a partner in floorball, and thanks for always laughing at my lame jokes and humouring me. Thanks for being a great friend to talk to and joke with! :D
Weiling: Thanks for being my sister all this while, thanks for providing me with so much consolation and encouragement everytime, always being there for me, thanks for all the letters and presents, thanks for all the considerate acts and words, thanks for the laughter, thanks for the smiles, thanks for the time, thanks for so so much!! And thanks for the countless times I haven't been a good friend, yet you still loved me as a sister. (:
Vivien: Thanks for always noticing something's wrong, and trying to dig it out from me, thanks for always laughing at my retarded jokes, for being so silly with me everytime, thanks for the fun times you've given to me, thanks for the memorable events we've had, thanks for sharing a common experience with me and understanding me! And thanks for the love you've shown to me, twin! (:
Last but NOT least, to God:
Thank You for all these people you have placed in my life, and the others I haven't mentioned too. Thank You for blessing me so so much. ((:
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Nightmares
Okay hi I have no idea how to start this blog post, cause my thoughts are everywhere. Ahhhhh. Anyhow, okay?
I'm reading this fanfic now, and I came across this sidenote by the author that said "sometimes, the expectations we have of the people we love only puts more burden on them". She was referring to the Korean artistes, cause inside the fanfic it was how the fans reacted to the relationship the girl and guy shared, and it was causing them loads of trouble blahblah.
Note: This blogpost is gonna get.. personal?
Okay, so I transferred this thought to myself. I mentioned in one of my previous blogposts (July: What to say, what not to say) that I really don't like 'expectations'.. Ahhh, yeah, everyone only means well and it's only human to expect something, but how I wish this didn't exist. But then again, without Hope what would we live for, and without Expectation how would we derive Surprise and Satisfaction..? The other side of the coin would then by what I'm most afraid of: Disappointment. Maybe this is something I need to learn to handle, cause I face it only too often. But that's also why I'd rather Expectations didn't exist.. Ah freak. I really really experience internal struggles within my mind very often. Maybe it's the mind VS the heart.
I question myself pretty often if the reason why I'm such a loser is cause I never ever truly pick myself up from every fall -- do I actually just close my eyes to the setback and numb myself to whatever emotions I have?
I don't know, I'm just wondering. Cause my problems always seem to resurface and creep into my life every single time. I always claim to cry, and then continue my life, but.. Ahhh. I just hide it deeper in my heart every time. The demon I'm facing now, no, who's BEHIND and INSIDE of me now, playing with my every emotion, is using.. floorball now. Every comment and every criticism, I try to correct myself to them, but nothing happens. Seriously, NOTHING happens. It's like me, trying to throw something so hard into the air in hope of reaching greater heights, but all that happens right after that is that it drops down right back at me, hitting me right smack in the face. For a moment that day, something inside me told me I hated floorball. But I knew it wasn't true, I liked this sport so much. I guess it was Expectations placing its burden on me again. And yes, people around me are those who only want the best for me, and I am so thankful towards them. The problem now is me. The invisible wall in front of me is.. Unbreakable. Every attempt at shooting, passing, dribbling, whatever, is just a gentle tap on the wall. And on the other side of this wall, is something called Improvement. "Outdo your limits", they often say. But when it's such a weak me against such a huge wall, what good does it do? I am so f-ing angry with myself, and when I use the F word (which btw is never), I mean something.
Okay, nevermind about that first. Now on to another thing I wanted to talk about: Friends. Is the reliance we dub as friendship one that says: "Find me when you need, throw me when you don't"? Really, don't you look for someone when you're having fun, and another when you need encouragement and consolation? So, when you're trouble free you have so much fun with someone, and then forget all about the other friend who was there for you when you needed them.
Argh, senseless ranting. I'm such an angry person recently, I'm sorry. Ah freak.
I'm reading this fanfic now, and I came across this sidenote by the author that said "sometimes, the expectations we have of the people we love only puts more burden on them". She was referring to the Korean artistes, cause inside the fanfic it was how the fans reacted to the relationship the girl and guy shared, and it was causing them loads of trouble blahblah.
Note: This blogpost is gonna get.. personal?
Okay, so I transferred this thought to myself. I mentioned in one of my previous blogposts (July: What to say, what not to say) that I really don't like 'expectations'.. Ahhh, yeah, everyone only means well and it's only human to expect something, but how I wish this didn't exist. But then again, without Hope what would we live for, and without Expectation how would we derive Surprise and Satisfaction..? The other side of the coin would then by what I'm most afraid of: Disappointment. Maybe this is something I need to learn to handle, cause I face it only too often. But that's also why I'd rather Expectations didn't exist.. Ah freak. I really really experience internal struggles within my mind very often. Maybe it's the mind VS the heart.
I question myself pretty often if the reason why I'm such a loser is cause I never ever truly pick myself up from every fall -- do I actually just close my eyes to the setback and numb myself to whatever emotions I have?
I don't know, I'm just wondering. Cause my problems always seem to resurface and creep into my life every single time. I always claim to cry, and then continue my life, but.. Ahhh. I just hide it deeper in my heart every time. The demon I'm facing now, no, who's BEHIND and INSIDE of me now, playing with my every emotion, is using.. floorball now. Every comment and every criticism, I try to correct myself to them, but nothing happens. Seriously, NOTHING happens. It's like me, trying to throw something so hard into the air in hope of reaching greater heights, but all that happens right after that is that it drops down right back at me, hitting me right smack in the face. For a moment that day, something inside me told me I hated floorball. But I knew it wasn't true, I liked this sport so much. I guess it was Expectations placing its burden on me again. And yes, people around me are those who only want the best for me, and I am so thankful towards them. The problem now is me. The invisible wall in front of me is.. Unbreakable. Every attempt at shooting, passing, dribbling, whatever, is just a gentle tap on the wall. And on the other side of this wall, is something called Improvement. "Outdo your limits", they often say. But when it's such a weak me against such a huge wall, what good does it do? I am so f-ing angry with myself, and when I use the F word (which btw is never), I mean something.
Okay, nevermind about that first. Now on to another thing I wanted to talk about: Friends. Is the reliance we dub as friendship one that says: "Find me when you need, throw me when you don't"? Really, don't you look for someone when you're having fun, and another when you need encouragement and consolation? So, when you're trouble free you have so much fun with someone, and then forget all about the other friend who was there for you when you needed them.
Argh, senseless ranting. I'm such an angry person recently, I'm sorry. Ah freak.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Fallacy
I have this two friends who are both really nice people and they're really close - they've been best friends since kindergarten. And the reason why they became besties was cause of a very simple incident.
Friendship. <3
*A breaks B's pencil (or something)*I really like this, it's heartwarming. They've stayed best friends ever since.
*B cries*
A: Ahhh sorryyyy! Don't cry, don't cry! I be your best friend k!!!
Friendship. <3
I question my heart
HELLO! Okay this was supposed to be a pretty serious post but I totally forgot after me and my brother (biological) started stalking people on Facebook. Vut duh hiao.
Okay and so it shall be random. Haha! Hmm right now I'm reading this book, Giants of Asia: Conversations with Lee Kuan Yew, by Tom Plate. It's a pretty interesting read, nothing to do with politics (okay I'm lying) but more of about him. He is the man. I like him! If I had to make myself model after someone successful, it'd be him. There was this thing he said which I think is wah, sensible man. He said something about his bad temper, and then that a successful leader is feared and loved. And then he said that if he had to choose between the two, he thinks fearful is the one to choose -- it helps get things done. True much. Not to mention that most Singaporeans do love him now, haha he has proved his beliefs correct.
But okay, this is IF I really want to be a leader that bad. I mean, I like leading cause I feel accomplished when goals are achieved. The thing is, I'm not one who likes the approach of injecting fear (although it is hell effective) to get things done. I prefer persuasion to get willingness and effort, which is a much less effective way which requires so much more effort. Hmm, I'm weird, and I'm sorry to say that the only times this leadership style has proven effective is during amazing race kind of competitions. Short term kind. Yeah, during my Sec 2 year, we had softball camp and I was the only Sec 2 group leader among the Sec 3 leaders. And my group won. Then in my Sec 4 year (Sec 3 year we were in charge of planning) my group won again. But these are really just useless cause I've never been able to lead a proper team to achieve a long term goal, which by the way, is what's more crucial. Me, I only know how to play, yup.
Oh I remember the serious thing I wanted to blog about already. Um, 'serious' with the apostrophes hahaha. Like what my facebook status says, I met a cockroach in the bathroom just now and I failed in killing it. Looking beyond the comical surface of this (which is quite hard..), for a moment just now while I was staring at the cockroach, I felt so.. weak.
Like, wts, I'm scared of such a SMALL thing. Which is like, 1/500 of my size?! You have NO IDEA how scared I was just now. Okay, I gripped my floorball stick until my palm sweated, and my hands shook when I was preparing to hit. And I 'prepared' to hit the cockroach around 3-4 times but backed off at the last second everytime. And when I finally did, I missed. I had a second chance to hit it, but this time it was upside down, under the shampoo rack. When I hit it (Idk whether it got hit or not) it dropped, and disappeared. I was too scared to go in anymore, so I didn't finish bathing.. Yeah, that's how vulnerable I am when I face my deepest fear (as in only in terms of things and not thoughts/emotions) and when I walked into my room later on, I totally jumped when I saw this black thing on my table. Wts, it was just my earphone ._.
There's this FB post that I saw that said something like, The stronger I am on the outside, the weaker I get on the inside. Hmm yeah I totally understand that personally. And oh, I want to be more self-disciplined, though it's pretty hard. No, VERY hard. All I like to do is play, what else? When can I settle down..?
Recently I don't like thinking consciously. My mind's a blank most of the time cept for maybe destinations, time, movements, emotions, conversations. Ah I shall go back to reading my book now, byebye!
Okay and so it shall be random. Haha! Hmm right now I'm reading this book, Giants of Asia: Conversations with Lee Kuan Yew, by Tom Plate. It's a pretty interesting read, nothing to do with politics (okay I'm lying) but more of about him. He is the man. I like him! If I had to make myself model after someone successful, it'd be him. There was this thing he said which I think is wah, sensible man. He said something about his bad temper, and then that a successful leader is feared and loved. And then he said that if he had to choose between the two, he thinks fearful is the one to choose -- it helps get things done. True much. Not to mention that most Singaporeans do love him now, haha he has proved his beliefs correct.
But okay, this is IF I really want to be a leader that bad. I mean, I like leading cause I feel accomplished when goals are achieved. The thing is, I'm not one who likes the approach of injecting fear (although it is hell effective) to get things done. I prefer persuasion to get willingness and effort, which is a much less effective way which requires so much more effort. Hmm, I'm weird, and I'm sorry to say that the only times this leadership style has proven effective is during amazing race kind of competitions. Short term kind. Yeah, during my Sec 2 year, we had softball camp and I was the only Sec 2 group leader among the Sec 3 leaders. And my group won. Then in my Sec 4 year (Sec 3 year we were in charge of planning) my group won again. But these are really just useless cause I've never been able to lead a proper team to achieve a long term goal, which by the way, is what's more crucial. Me, I only know how to play, yup.
Oh I remember the serious thing I wanted to blog about already. Um, 'serious' with the apostrophes hahaha. Like what my facebook status says, I met a cockroach in the bathroom just now and I failed in killing it. Looking beyond the comical surface of this (which is quite hard..), for a moment just now while I was staring at the cockroach, I felt so.. weak.
Like, wts, I'm scared of such a SMALL thing. Which is like, 1/500 of my size?! You have NO IDEA how scared I was just now. Okay, I gripped my floorball stick until my palm sweated, and my hands shook when I was preparing to hit. And I 'prepared' to hit the cockroach around 3-4 times but backed off at the last second everytime. And when I finally did, I missed. I had a second chance to hit it, but this time it was upside down, under the shampoo rack. When I hit it (Idk whether it got hit or not) it dropped, and disappeared. I was too scared to go in anymore, so I didn't finish bathing.. Yeah, that's how vulnerable I am when I face my deepest fear (as in only in terms of things and not thoughts/emotions) and when I walked into my room later on, I totally jumped when I saw this black thing on my table. Wts, it was just my earphone ._.
There's this FB post that I saw that said something like, The stronger I am on the outside, the weaker I get on the inside. Hmm yeah I totally understand that personally. And oh, I want to be more self-disciplined, though it's pretty hard. No, VERY hard. All I like to do is play, what else? When can I settle down..?
Recently I don't like thinking consciously. My mind's a blank most of the time cept for maybe destinations, time, movements, emotions, conversations. Ah I shall go back to reading my book now, byebye!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Memory loss
Okay, so.... I promoted. This seemed impossible to me before, but these few days I kept hearing news about how the retainees would have been contacted, but I wasn't, so okay.. But I'm not happy. Of course, I don't want to retain, but I know I should have did. It doesn't make any sense to me that I got worse results and had poorer conduct than people, yet I promoted and they retained. I feel so guilty, I feel like shit. Life is unfair. So what, I'm a 4 H2s ELL student, vice-captain of floorball, with L1R5 10-2 then I get promoted? "The teachers promote you if they think your standard is there", okay, I do hope I prove this sentence right and live up to the people who might've gotten promoted if I didn't exist, yeah. Or else I'm just a wasted chance. God, I hope I make full use of it, please help me....
Then, today our class also got told by Mdm Ainon that she won't be following us up to J2. So we asked why. She said she had some medical condition and she's been delaying the surgery so as to not affect our studies.. and she apologized for always not being there for lessons and all. So she decided to request to not follow us up cause she felt she wouldn't be able to give us the proper education we needed. We didn't know the whole year. Ah and this is what we shallow people who judge her have said: that she's a lousy teacher, always slacking and not caring about us, and okay there's worse. See how we humans judge? We are SUCH BITCHES. I hate it! She's been so nice to us, to me especially. My perception of her changed the day she signed my reccomendation form for the Taiwan trip and wrote some super nice stuff there, even though she had been scolding my head off the entire first half of the year cause of latecomings and late assignments. I hate myself. Today she cried. I did too.
Alright, and then there's the people who are SO HELL SELF CENTRED they declare publicly how they've been promoted. HELLO, we all know somehow who retained so if you're not one of them you probably promoted and so YOU ARE NOT THAT SPECIAL, OKAY? Instead, can you imagine how hurt a retainee would feel upon reading your facebook post or whatever? I am so angry, but okay none of these people are gonna see my scoldings over here so yeah. If any of 'you' do, and if you're unhappy, feel free to close this window, kthxbai. I really don't like how insensitive people are, or have become. I really don't understand this society.
So irritated. And just something random I wanna say: I don't show my true emotions.
And a heartbreaking video, wah nice song, though it's real old:
Haru Haru - Big Bang
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fO8F7lDhbAM&feature=fvst
Then, today our class also got told by Mdm Ainon that she won't be following us up to J2. So we asked why. She said she had some medical condition and she's been delaying the surgery so as to not affect our studies.. and she apologized for always not being there for lessons and all. So she decided to request to not follow us up cause she felt she wouldn't be able to give us the proper education we needed. We didn't know the whole year. Ah and this is what we shallow people who judge her have said: that she's a lousy teacher, always slacking and not caring about us, and okay there's worse. See how we humans judge? We are SUCH BITCHES. I hate it! She's been so nice to us, to me especially. My perception of her changed the day she signed my reccomendation form for the Taiwan trip and wrote some super nice stuff there, even though she had been scolding my head off the entire first half of the year cause of latecomings and late assignments. I hate myself. Today she cried. I did too.
Alright, and then there's the people who are SO HELL SELF CENTRED they declare publicly how they've been promoted. HELLO, we all know somehow who retained so if you're not one of them you probably promoted and so YOU ARE NOT THAT SPECIAL, OKAY? Instead, can you imagine how hurt a retainee would feel upon reading your facebook post or whatever? I am so angry, but okay none of these people are gonna see my scoldings over here so yeah. If any of 'you' do, and if you're unhappy, feel free to close this window, kthxbai. I really don't like how insensitive people are, or have become. I really don't understand this society.
So irritated. And just something random I wanna say: I don't show my true emotions.
And a heartbreaking video, wah nice song, though it's real old:
Haru Haru - Big Bang
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fO8F7lDhbAM&feature=fvst
I don't wanna close my eyes
Hmm I think my mind is quite blank tonight. I seem to have a lot to say, but nothing to say at all.. <- Haha I always use this line. Opps.
But I mean it.
A few nice songs today (some old some new):
All The Lovers - Kylie Minogue (Um this song has a pretty sick video. ._.)
25 Minutes - MLTR
I Don't Want to Miss a Thing - Aerosmith
Magic - B.o.B. (Hahaha!)
And that last song. AHHH WHAT IS IT. VIVIEN LIM TELL ME WHEN YOU SEE THIS, I CAN'T REMEMBER ._. I really cannot remember things!!! >:\
But I mean it.
A few nice songs today (some old some new):
All The Lovers - Kylie Minogue (Um this song has a pretty sick video. ._.)
25 Minutes - MLTR
I Don't Want to Miss a Thing - Aerosmith
Magic - B.o.B. (Hahaha!)
And that last song. AHHH WHAT IS IT. VIVIEN LIM TELL ME WHEN YOU SEE THIS, I CAN'T REMEMBER ._. I really cannot remember things!!! >:\
Braveheart
Yello, it's officially Doomsday. But.. Kinda received some news that I might not, yknow, get retained. But I'll just leave it as that and see how tomorrow. I really hate seperation. I feel so so so so so unhappy when I just think about having a few less people in class next year. Ahhh! Wts..
Hmm, saw this on Tumblr. So true.. Well I kind of think this says everything I wanted to say. Thanks. And goodnight, let's see what tomorrow holds for me.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
The wall around me
Okay, sorry I haven't blogged in a few days! Currently more hooked on Tumblr. Hahaha.
Past few days have been spent pretty productively, I guess! Today is probably the last day I can slack already. Cause tomorrow there's floorball training, and then tuesday.... Doomsday. I hope it won't be Doomsday though. There's PT on tuesday too, imagine how I would survive through it should I... yknow, retain.
Recently the fact that people are freaking complicated has struck me again. It makes me scared, honestly. People are double-faced, people make up all kinds of excuses, people lie without blinking an eye. Not that I can see their eyes much -- in this technological world there's little face-to-face contact anymore. People create rumours, strife, and trouble. For trouble, I'm thinking of the recent slashings in Downtown East and Bukit Panjang.
There's really a lot going through my mind. When will peace prevail in this sick society we reside in? Seriously.. Dying may be a better option man. Haha cemeteries and graveyards may be creepy, but if you think again, it's the most peaceful place around here now.
Past few days have been spent pretty productively, I guess! Today is probably the last day I can slack already. Cause tomorrow there's floorball training, and then tuesday.... Doomsday. I hope it won't be Doomsday though. There's PT on tuesday too, imagine how I would survive through it should I... yknow, retain.
Recently the fact that people are freaking complicated has struck me again. It makes me scared, honestly. People are double-faced, people make up all kinds of excuses, people lie without blinking an eye. Not that I can see their eyes much -- in this technological world there's little face-to-face contact anymore. People create rumours, strife, and trouble. For trouble, I'm thinking of the recent slashings in Downtown East and Bukit Panjang.
There's really a lot going through my mind. When will peace prevail in this sick society we reside in? Seriously.. Dying may be a better option man. Haha cemeteries and graveyards may be creepy, but if you think again, it's the most peaceful place around here now.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Sing, talk, eat, play, laugh
10/11 was a happy day.
Went to Teoheng with class girls! Calise Cindy Felicia Huixian (: Sang like mad and 3 hours passed in a flash D: I'm sure we'll go again! ^^ Next time with Katrina and Shiqi! :D
Then went to meet CBLJ. Haha now CBLJ's the main branch that includes everyone. But anyway. We went to Rui's house, just hung out (which is quite fun leh!) and then cause of Philip's Coldplay Taptap, I'm now kinda obsessed with Coldplay. Ohmytian they rock :O Clocks, Yellow, The Scientist, and not to mention old favourites like Speed of Sound, Fix You and Viva la Vida. (Y) Okay haha enough of that! After that we went to have meesua. Haha quite nice, if not for the shallots! Maybe next time I ask them not to put. And then came back and played Monopoly deal, tsk. Pwned the two rounds yay! Practice makes perfect (: But it was a fun day, I miss the days we had in AHS. That time seemed more trouble-free than now..
Okay, then 11/11 was a sucky day.
Was supposed to be a fun day, but everything kinda screwed up. What I have to say is that I don't like to pangsei people, yeah. Ended up going to Sakae Sushi with Weiling, which thankfully, went great! (Haha good thing sisters can have fun together anywhere and anytime) Stuffed ourselves TO DEATH, then went Orchard to walk around! Almost bought flats from Rubi, then didn't, then almost bought funflops from The Little Things She Needs (yknow those slippers where you can mix and match the straps and bases) then DIDN'T AGAIN lol! And so.... All we did was eat. Hahaha! Cause after that we went Isetan, Weiling bought this omelette roll thingy while I bought Starbucks bottled coffee, then went back to Ion and we bought this fish-shaped 'cake' and I bought Famous Amos. Haha we are mad! But I like it (Y)
Made up for all the suckiness, I guess. I never ever think that being angry is the solution to anything, so I prefer not to be.
Shall go listen to some Coldplay now ;)
Went to Teoheng with class girls! Calise Cindy Felicia Huixian (: Sang like mad and 3 hours passed in a flash D: I'm sure we'll go again! ^^ Next time with Katrina and Shiqi! :D
Then went to meet CBLJ. Haha now CBLJ's the main branch that includes everyone. But anyway. We went to Rui's house, just hung out (which is quite fun leh!) and then cause of Philip's Coldplay Taptap, I'm now kinda obsessed with Coldplay. Ohmytian they rock :O Clocks, Yellow, The Scientist, and not to mention old favourites like Speed of Sound, Fix You and Viva la Vida. (Y) Okay haha enough of that! After that we went to have meesua. Haha quite nice, if not for the shallots! Maybe next time I ask them not to put. And then came back and played Monopoly deal, tsk. Pwned the two rounds yay! Practice makes perfect (: But it was a fun day, I miss the days we had in AHS. That time seemed more trouble-free than now..
Okay, then 11/11 was a sucky day.
Was supposed to be a fun day, but everything kinda screwed up. What I have to say is that I don't like to pangsei people, yeah. Ended up going to Sakae Sushi with Weiling, which thankfully, went great! (Haha good thing sisters can have fun together anywhere and anytime) Stuffed ourselves TO DEATH, then went Orchard to walk around! Almost bought flats from Rubi, then didn't, then almost bought funflops from The Little Things She Needs (yknow those slippers where you can mix and match the straps and bases) then DIDN'T AGAIN lol! And so.... All we did was eat. Hahaha! Cause after that we went Isetan, Weiling bought this omelette roll thingy while I bought Starbucks bottled coffee, then went back to Ion and we bought this fish-shaped 'cake' and I bought Famous Amos. Haha we are mad! But I like it (Y)
Made up for all the suckiness, I guess. I never ever think that being angry is the solution to anything, so I prefer not to be.
Shall go listen to some Coldplay now ;)
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
We rocked this night & made it forever
Yesterday was an eventful day. PW OP, which by the way, means the END of our PW lives. And then class BBQ, then LAN.
OP went well, when we were in the actual venue already, we were STILL rehearsing, like what the! Unnerving man. But finally I made them stop, then I calmed down by saying a short prayer. God's awesome.
It went well! The firstttt time I actually presented without a single mistake. Woah, by God's grace man. And then, before we had Q&A, I prayed again. And out of the four of us, there was only me who got a question we predicted. Phewwww..
Then went to meet Huixian after doing her card. Went to Raymond's house together with Lucian Liyao Jiesheng Calise and Cindy! And then started the BBQ.. Haha first time our class event got near-full attendance leh, super shocking LOL. But then we had super a lot of fun, at first it was pretty boring to me, then after everyone started warming up to one another it became better and better. Camwhored like mad, then after everything ended, some of us went to play LAN.
Ahh. I really love this class now, I mean, it's quite sad we were all in our different cliques at the start of the year, but only now we realized how fun it could be when we all come together. It's funny how we only learn to treasure things when we're about to lose them huh? Haha. Yeah.. I can't imagine what I would do if I had to leave this class. Just when I realized how fun we could be.....
Took cab home with Shiqi after LAN. Sucked at L4D versus mode and even more at Counterstrike )): But then, after I reached home, I felt really sad. When would I get to see them again? On 16 November, otherwise known as Doomsday? After that day, how many of us would there still be in 1012?
Life works in the most funny ways. Why, why didn't this BBQ happen in like, June or something. At least I might have more time. And oh yeah, I feel quite sad that PW is over too. Not that I wanna face it again, but I suddenly feel real empty without it. )': Humans are self-torturing creatures aren't we.
OP went well, when we were in the actual venue already, we were STILL rehearsing, like what the! Unnerving man. But finally I made them stop, then I calmed down by saying a short prayer. God's awesome.
It went well! The firstttt time I actually presented without a single mistake. Woah, by God's grace man. And then, before we had Q&A, I prayed again. And out of the four of us, there was only me who got a question we predicted. Phewwww..
Then went to meet Huixian after doing her card. Went to Raymond's house together with Lucian Liyao Jiesheng Calise and Cindy! And then started the BBQ.. Haha first time our class event got near-full attendance leh, super shocking LOL. But then we had super a lot of fun, at first it was pretty boring to me, then after everyone started warming up to one another it became better and better. Camwhored like mad, then after everything ended, some of us went to play LAN.
Ahh. I really love this class now, I mean, it's quite sad we were all in our different cliques at the start of the year, but only now we realized how fun it could be when we all come together. It's funny how we only learn to treasure things when we're about to lose them huh? Haha. Yeah.. I can't imagine what I would do if I had to leave this class. Just when I realized how fun we could be.....
Took cab home with Shiqi after LAN. Sucked at L4D versus mode and even more at Counterstrike )): But then, after I reached home, I felt really sad. When would I get to see them again? On 16 November, otherwise known as Doomsday? After that day, how many of us would there still be in 1012?
Life works in the most funny ways. Why, why didn't this BBQ happen in like, June or something. At least I might have more time. And oh yeah, I feel quite sad that PW is over too. Not that I wanna face it again, but I suddenly feel real empty without it. )': Humans are self-torturing creatures aren't we.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Better off with(out) you
Today, I learnt quite a lot while watching television. A lot is not A LOT A LOT but it's quite a bit lah, since usually watching teevee is like near useless and a waste of time to me.
Someone said. "Love is like an addiction. When you get it, you enjoy it immensely. When you don't, you suffer severe withdrawal symptoms.. And then, you will only have yourself to depend on to kick this habit, this addiction."
It's pretty true, well, no one else can help you when you don't want to help yourself. But this is something I knew from the very start, it's just that I found this way of putting it more logical and meaningful. (: It was a good analogy.
And then there was this woman who was talking to her nephew, who stood up for her when other people badmouthed her, saying she was a prostitute kinda woman in the past, and that she was shameless. She said, "Well, that's the truth boy. Who doesn't have a past? I have to face mine no matter what. If I can't even do that, how do I face the future?"
I found this beyond insightful. It's something someone strong would say. It's something I think I wouldn't be able to. Okay, no. Maybe I would be able to say it, but I wouldn't be able to put it into actions. But yeah, everyone has a past, haha even me. Sounds dramatic, but it's the truth. But to tell of my story, would be something that would require ten lifetimes of courage. Maybe anonymously I would, only maybe.
Yup.
And oh, while going home today, Idk why I felt.. Foreign. Think I was too tired, and getting a little dreamy. I was almost oblivious to the people around me, all I could feel was that I didn't know them. I subconsciously knew where I was, of course, but in my mind it felt like I was in a new place. Like, if there was such a thing as 'the soul of Familiarity', it had been sapped away from me. Reaching home, I didn't feel much very at home either. Maybe I should say, "Reaching the house, I ..." My uncle's over to visit, and no I don't like him very much, I admit.
Maybe (only maybe), I feel this way cause I don't feel safe and secure anymore. No place offers me any sense of security and gives me my feeling of belonging, no place gives me a shelter from thunderstorms and a landing for emotion-spilling anymore. Not even home.
At least, and actually this is not very little -- I have God, and He is more than enough. He is my only solace and I seek consolation in Him.
To end off, here's a quote, from Jasmine to me on Twitter:
Haha okay end of post. Good night!
Someone said. "Love is like an addiction. When you get it, you enjoy it immensely. When you don't, you suffer severe withdrawal symptoms.. And then, you will only have yourself to depend on to kick this habit, this addiction."
It's pretty true, well, no one else can help you when you don't want to help yourself. But this is something I knew from the very start, it's just that I found this way of putting it more logical and meaningful. (: It was a good analogy.
And then there was this woman who was talking to her nephew, who stood up for her when other people badmouthed her, saying she was a prostitute kinda woman in the past, and that she was shameless. She said, "Well, that's the truth boy. Who doesn't have a past? I have to face mine no matter what. If I can't even do that, how do I face the future?"
I found this beyond insightful. It's something someone strong would say. It's something I think I wouldn't be able to. Okay, no. Maybe I would be able to say it, but I wouldn't be able to put it into actions. But yeah, everyone has a past, haha even me. Sounds dramatic, but it's the truth. But to tell of my story, would be something that would require ten lifetimes of courage. Maybe anonymously I would, only maybe.
Yup.
And oh, while going home today, Idk why I felt.. Foreign. Think I was too tired, and getting a little dreamy. I was almost oblivious to the people around me, all I could feel was that I didn't know them. I subconsciously knew where I was, of course, but in my mind it felt like I was in a new place. Like, if there was such a thing as 'the soul of Familiarity', it had been sapped away from me. Reaching home, I didn't feel much very at home either. Maybe I should say, "Reaching the house, I ..." My uncle's over to visit, and no I don't like him very much, I admit.
Maybe (only maybe), I feel this way cause I don't feel safe and secure anymore. No place offers me any sense of security and gives me my feeling of belonging, no place gives me a shelter from thunderstorms and a landing for emotion-spilling anymore. Not even home.
At least, and actually this is not very little -- I have God, and He is more than enough. He is my only solace and I seek consolation in Him.
To end off, here's a quote, from Jasmine to me on Twitter:
On the landing, you hear your foreign accent echo down the stairs. You think in a language of your own and talk in theirs. - Carol Ann Duffy (poet)Haha and something embarassing: At first she quoted the person as Duffy, and I thought it was the singer LOL. And I asked, "That's cool, is it a song by her?" *hides head like an ostrich*
Haha okay end of post. Good night!
If I die young
Wow, these few days have passed in a flash. Happy days do pass quicker, don't they?
Anyway, I was thinking, on the day I die, what would I think of when I look back at my life?
I got inspired to ponder over this after reading countless birthday messages. People use this one chance in the year they get to tell you something truthful with a reason, and you can learn a lot from there. I mean, "Happy birthday" would represent that you probably didn't have much to do with him/her. "Happy birthday, stay ____!" would mean you gave that someone a certain lasting impression. "Happy birthday, thanks for ____" would mean you left an impact in the person's life. Of course, this is just a general trend, it doesn't apply to all. When I looked at the wishes I got, a common one was: for me to smile always. So, I smile a lot huh? (: Tsk.
Okay, back to the topic. I saw some thank you messages, I won't say it's a lot, cause I have no other standard to compare against. But anyway, when I die, what will I think of my life when I look back?
Honestly, I think, I won't feel that my life has been a failure. After all, the notion that good results = success has been an idea forced upon me since young, by the brainwashing education system, and I realize that I don't believe in it. Knowing myself, I usually don't excel in things I do not believe in. Well, that might explain for why my studies suck.
What I would feel, is that my life has not been in vain if I have possibly altered people's lives for the better. Be it even a bit, it has significance in it for me. I think I've come to the conclusion that material items (including grades) do nothing much but numbs us to the more important aspects we should be looking at. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:13, "..and now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."
Yeah, what is love to the world now? Placed after work, studies, material success? Love, to me, consists of friendship, kinship -- all relationships. Material things are but just tools to sustain my ability to love people, cause without being able to provide for my very own basic needs for survival, how else would I gain the ability to provide for others? But yes, I need no more than just adequate; I don't seek fame, fortune, and glory.
When I tell of my story in future, I hope I can honestly say: "I was never an outstanding student and worker. But I was definitely an outstanding daughter, sister, friend, wife -- an outstanding lover." And with this, I'll be able to die in peace..
Anyway, I was thinking, on the day I die, what would I think of when I look back at my life?
I got inspired to ponder over this after reading countless birthday messages. People use this one chance in the year they get to tell you something truthful with a reason, and you can learn a lot from there. I mean, "Happy birthday" would represent that you probably didn't have much to do with him/her. "Happy birthday, stay ____!" would mean you gave that someone a certain lasting impression. "Happy birthday, thanks for ____" would mean you left an impact in the person's life. Of course, this is just a general trend, it doesn't apply to all. When I looked at the wishes I got, a common one was: for me to smile always. So, I smile a lot huh? (: Tsk.
Okay, back to the topic. I saw some thank you messages, I won't say it's a lot, cause I have no other standard to compare against. But anyway, when I die, what will I think of my life when I look back?
Honestly, I think, I won't feel that my life has been a failure. After all, the notion that good results = success has been an idea forced upon me since young, by the brainwashing education system, and I realize that I don't believe in it. Knowing myself, I usually don't excel in things I do not believe in. Well, that might explain for why my studies suck.
What I would feel, is that my life has not been in vain if I have possibly altered people's lives for the better. Be it even a bit, it has significance in it for me. I think I've come to the conclusion that material items (including grades) do nothing much but numbs us to the more important aspects we should be looking at. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:13, "..and now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."
Yeah, what is love to the world now? Placed after work, studies, material success? Love, to me, consists of friendship, kinship -- all relationships. Material things are but just tools to sustain my ability to love people, cause without being able to provide for my very own basic needs for survival, how else would I gain the ability to provide for others? But yes, I need no more than just adequate; I don't seek fame, fortune, and glory.
When I tell of my story in future, I hope I can honestly say: "I was never an outstanding student and worker. But I was definitely an outstanding daughter, sister, friend, wife -- an outstanding lover." And with this, I'll be able to die in peace..
Monday, November 1, 2010
I opened my eyes, it was only just a dream
I need to wake up to reality, cause confusion is not my thing.
Hmm, I am great at numbing myself, I realize. Either that or I make a great actor. Maybe all great actors and actresses start with acting in their very own lives. But nah, I don't wanna be an actress. Director or scriptwriter is pretty cool though.
Hmm, I am great at numbing myself, I realize. Either that or I make a great actor. Maybe all great actors and actresses start with acting in their very own lives. But nah, I don't wanna be an actress. Director or scriptwriter is pretty cool though.
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