Wow, these few days have passed in a flash. Happy days do pass quicker, don't they?
Anyway, I was thinking, on the day I die, what would I think of when I look back at my life?
I got inspired to ponder over this after reading countless birthday messages. People use this one chance in the year they get to tell you something truthful with a reason, and you can learn a lot from there. I mean, "Happy birthday" would represent that you probably didn't have much to do with him/her. "Happy birthday, stay ____!" would mean you gave that someone a certain lasting impression. "Happy birthday, thanks for ____" would mean you left an impact in the person's life. Of course, this is just a general trend, it doesn't apply to all. When I looked at the wishes I got, a common one was: for me to smile always. So, I smile a lot huh? (: Tsk.
Okay, back to the topic. I saw some thank you messages, I won't say it's a lot, cause I have no other standard to compare against. But anyway, when I die, what will I think of my life when I look back?
Honestly, I think, I won't feel that my life has been a failure. After all, the notion that good results = success has been an idea forced upon me since young, by the brainwashing education system, and I realize that I don't believe in it. Knowing myself, I usually don't excel in things I do not believe in. Well, that might explain for why my studies suck.
What I would feel, is that my life has not been in vain if I have possibly altered people's lives for the better. Be it even a bit, it has significance in it for me. I think I've come to the conclusion that material items (including grades) do nothing much but numbs us to the more important aspects we should be looking at. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:13, "..and now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."
Yeah, what is love to the world now? Placed after work, studies, material success? Love, to me, consists of friendship, kinship -- all relationships. Material things are but just tools to sustain my ability to love people, cause without being able to provide for my very own basic needs for survival, how else would I gain the ability to provide for others? But yes, I need no more than just adequate; I don't seek fame, fortune, and glory.
When I tell of my story in future, I hope I can honestly say: "I was never an outstanding student and worker. But I was definitely an outstanding daughter, sister, friend, wife -- an outstanding lover." And with this, I'll be able to die in peace..
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