HELLO! Okay this was supposed to be a pretty serious post but I totally forgot after me and my brother (biological) started stalking people on Facebook. Vut duh hiao.
Okay and so it shall be random. Haha! Hmm right now I'm reading this book, Giants of Asia: Conversations with Lee Kuan Yew, by Tom Plate. It's a pretty interesting read, nothing to do with politics (okay I'm lying) but more of about him. He is the man. I like him! If I had to make myself model after someone successful, it'd be him. There was this thing he said which I think is wah, sensible man. He said something about his bad temper, and then that a successful leader is feared and loved. And then he said that if he had to choose between the two, he thinks fearful is the one to choose -- it helps get things done. True much. Not to mention that most Singaporeans do love him now, haha he has proved his beliefs correct.
But okay, this is IF I really want to be a leader that bad. I mean, I like leading cause I feel accomplished when goals are achieved. The thing is, I'm not one who likes the approach of injecting fear (although it is hell effective) to get things done. I prefer persuasion to get willingness and effort, which is a much less effective way which requires so much more effort. Hmm, I'm weird, and I'm sorry to say that the only times this leadership style has proven effective is during amazing race kind of competitions. Short term kind. Yeah, during my Sec 2 year, we had softball camp and I was the only Sec 2 group leader among the Sec 3 leaders. And my group won. Then in my Sec 4 year (Sec 3 year we were in charge of planning) my group won again. But these are really just useless cause I've never been able to lead a proper team to achieve a long term goal, which by the way, is what's more crucial. Me, I only know how to play, yup.
Oh I remember the serious thing I wanted to blog about already. Um, 'serious' with the apostrophes hahaha. Like what my facebook status says, I met a cockroach in the bathroom just now and I failed in killing it. Looking beyond the comical surface of this (which is quite hard..), for a moment just now while I was staring at the cockroach, I felt so.. weak.
Like, wts, I'm scared of such a SMALL thing. Which is like, 1/500 of my size?! You have NO IDEA how scared I was just now. Okay, I gripped my floorball stick until my palm sweated, and my hands shook when I was preparing to hit. And I 'prepared' to hit the cockroach around 3-4 times but backed off at the last second everytime. And when I finally did, I missed. I had a second chance to hit it, but this time it was upside down, under the shampoo rack. When I hit it (Idk whether it got hit or not) it dropped, and disappeared. I was too scared to go in anymore, so I didn't finish bathing.. Yeah, that's how vulnerable I am when I face my deepest fear (as in only in terms of things and not thoughts/emotions) and when I walked into my room later on, I totally jumped when I saw this black thing on my table. Wts, it was just my earphone ._.
There's this FB post that I saw that said something like, The stronger I am on the outside, the weaker I get on the inside. Hmm yeah I totally understand that personally. And oh, I want to be more self-disciplined, though it's pretty hard. No, VERY hard. All I like to do is play, what else? When can I settle down..?
Recently I don't like thinking consciously. My mind's a blank most of the time cept for maybe destinations, time, movements, emotions, conversations. Ah I shall go back to reading my book now, byebye!
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