Sitting outside Starbucks, waiting patiently for something -- anything, to happen. The wind starts to get stronger, and my fingers are getting numb and hard to control. The lights are dim, my earphones are plugged in and a sad ballad is slowly playing; perfect atmosphere to be depressed. I decide to shift to a happier location.
I pack up, turn, and this man is blocking the way with his legs propped up on another chair while he occupies one. He isn't even drinking anything. I politely request for him to make way, and after several futile attempts his friend motions to him. He looks at me with that kind of look, then he moves and I pass. He mutters under his breath, complaining.
I slap him.
Nah, in my mind.
(LOL super irritated, so I'm expressing it CIVILISED-LY in a fanfic kind of writing style, instead of COMPLAINING. He's a freeloader somemore. SO PISSED!!!! But I'm sitting at a warm corner inside Starbucks now! Yay I feel better after complaining. YOU, GO TO HELLLLL!)
Okay bye ;) Will be back on the 31sttttttt!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
End of X'mas!
Wah, so fast it ended already.. Well, I guess it's time to start working hard again. I hate to say this, but I have to face it.
Watched a movie today, Tron Legacy! Exciting, definitely worth a watch. (: BUT IF you're the kind who can't catch up with chim storylines and also technical vocabulary, then haha maybe you should consider again. Anyway, I learnt quite some stuff. Well, many ambitious people have searched for the possible utopia by trying to achieve perfection. But humans are imperfect, and we are flesh and blood cause we have flaws. So if you want a perfect world, you'd have to annihilate, or modify humans. But the option of modification would just lead to us becoming robots, void of emotions. So how does that make it utopia, if you don't have happiness? Yeah of course you could say, everyone could be 'always happy'. But what is happiness when you have it all the time, and what is happiness when you can't compare it to another opposite? I don't regard happiness as a different feeling from sadness. I think, it's just different degrees of the same thing. So you can't have one without the other, cause there needs to be a measure! BUT OKAY enough of this philosophical talk LOL, I'm like writing GP here..
Okay then when I was home, I watched the last episode of this korean period drama me and my bro have been watching since mid-year! The Slave Hunters, aka Chuno. Omgah the ending is super awesome.. As in. It was part tragic, part happy. I cried so freaking hard at the tragic part ._. But if the tragic part wasn't there, like if it was entirely happy, I wouldn't feel as satisfied at the ending as now. So conclusion: I like tragedy! Okay lah, not all the time. But this ending, one guy sacrificed for the couple (of which the girl was his ex-gf but they lost contact for manyyy years), then the couple managed to escape to a faraway place for good. While this guy was dying, the girl who liked him caught up with him, and she confessed just before he died (ok I cried like mad here). Then the bad person who was the guy who tried to kill all of them, was touched by how hard the first guy fought to protect the couple (even though he was supposed to hate them), and so he gave up on all the evil plans he conjured. That was also cause he was actually good by nature (at the start he was an awesome good guy) but he was just forced to become like that cause too many evil people backstabbed him. So he turned over a new leaf and returned to his family, and gave up on all the fame and glory. Omt omt nice show!
Haha okay enough of spazzing. Go listen to 她說 by JJ Lin! Yay new fav chinese song ;)
Happy new year in advance!!
Watched a movie today, Tron Legacy! Exciting, definitely worth a watch. (: BUT IF you're the kind who can't catch up with chim storylines and also technical vocabulary, then haha maybe you should consider again. Anyway, I learnt quite some stuff. Well, many ambitious people have searched for the possible utopia by trying to achieve perfection. But humans are imperfect, and we are flesh and blood cause we have flaws. So if you want a perfect world, you'd have to annihilate, or modify humans. But the option of modification would just lead to us becoming robots, void of emotions. So how does that make it utopia, if you don't have happiness? Yeah of course you could say, everyone could be 'always happy'. But what is happiness when you have it all the time, and what is happiness when you can't compare it to another opposite? I don't regard happiness as a different feeling from sadness. I think, it's just different degrees of the same thing. So you can't have one without the other, cause there needs to be a measure! BUT OKAY enough of this philosophical talk LOL, I'm like writing GP here..
Okay then when I was home, I watched the last episode of this korean period drama me and my bro have been watching since mid-year! The Slave Hunters, aka Chuno. Omgah the ending is super awesome.. As in. It was part tragic, part happy. I cried so freaking hard at the tragic part ._. But if the tragic part wasn't there, like if it was entirely happy, I wouldn't feel as satisfied at the ending as now. So conclusion: I like tragedy! Okay lah, not all the time. But this ending, one guy sacrificed for the couple (of which the girl was his ex-gf but they lost contact for manyyy years), then the couple managed to escape to a faraway place for good. While this guy was dying, the girl who liked him caught up with him, and she confessed just before he died (ok I cried like mad here). Then the bad person who was the guy who tried to kill all of them, was touched by how hard the first guy fought to protect the couple (even though he was supposed to hate them), and so he gave up on all the evil plans he conjured. That was also cause he was actually good by nature (at the start he was an awesome good guy) but he was just forced to become like that cause too many evil people backstabbed him. So he turned over a new leaf and returned to his family, and gave up on all the fame and glory. Omt omt nice show!
Haha okay enough of spazzing. Go listen to 她說 by JJ Lin! Yay new fav chinese song ;)
Happy new year in advance!!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Hello MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone! (: Haha today is a pretty happy day for me. And yesterday too! Although it was spent at home, but I had a good time with my family during dinner. And then just using my comp and texting my friends was good too, since I was already in such a good mood ^^
Hmm, I honestly cannot remember how I spent Xmas last year, but that's okay. This year it's with a different and new set of friends, and I guess I've had many awesome memories with everyone. Sweet and bitter ones are included, and they're all part of the experience! Laughter, heartbreak, dejection, hope. Well, that's life -- we can't have good ones without bad ones.
I hope the upcoming year'll be as exciting, although we'll be mugging hard this time, but I pray the friendships can still stay stable and intact. Everyone, I love you! So please do bear with me from now on as I put my heart into A' levels, I really need to work hard for this. And also since I'm hooked onto Kpop.. *less than divide three*
Have an awesome green christmas (cause we can't have a white one) and be happy no matter what kay!
♥, Zhiqing!
Hmm, I honestly cannot remember how I spent Xmas last year, but that's okay. This year it's with a different and new set of friends, and I guess I've had many awesome memories with everyone. Sweet and bitter ones are included, and they're all part of the experience! Laughter, heartbreak, dejection, hope. Well, that's life -- we can't have good ones without bad ones.
I hope the upcoming year'll be as exciting, although we'll be mugging hard this time, but I pray the friendships can still stay stable and intact. Everyone, I love you! So please do bear with me from now on as I put my heart into A' levels, I really need to work hard for this. And also since I'm hooked onto Kpop.. *less than divide three*
Have an awesome green christmas (cause we can't have a white one) and be happy no matter what kay!
♥, Zhiqing!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Joke of the day
"4 times 9 equals?"
"18!!!"
*everyone bursts out in laughter*
"Ehhhh I only said that to make it funny!"
"Yeah right!"
"Really! I know, it's 24!!"
"18!!!"
*everyone bursts out in laughter*
"Ehhhh I only said that to make it funny!"
"Yeah right!"
"Really! I know, it's 24!!"
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Happy emo
Yello! Hah today I watched two episodes of Invincible Youth! Aka two hours. But I took 6 hours to watch that 2 episodes! Not that I'm complaining. I finally managed to find a place to watch it although it takes eons to load~ While waiting I could do so much stuff, yay I like.
Anyway, that wasn't the point. The point was that, because this variety show's about 7 girl group idols having to lead a countryside lifestyle (aka they have to be self sustainable), it seems to really help them learn a lot about being down to earth and thus mature, and also become closer with one another. I think the show gives a heartwarming feel! Coupled with their humour, it really becomes fun to watch. (: Ah how I wish I could join one programme like that too! I wanna have an experience like that.
Okay, that was the happy part of my post. The emo part (which is not very emo also):
Hmm k recently I just got hooked on I Did Wrong by 2AM. Considerably old song, but nice. The very start, when they begin singing (and then got the weird electric echoey effect) that part, it just makes me get goosebumps. Like for a few seconds, cause there'll be this weird electric echoey effect to the song, it'll make me feel this heartbreak-like feeling inside of me :O Idk how to explain but you get it lah ah! Haha!
Alright, heard this nice and EVEN older song on IY, english song! :D Fits the christmas mood somemore. ^^
All About You - McFly
It's all about you
(It's about you)
It's all about you baby
(It's all about)
It's all about you
(It's about you)
It's all about you
Yesterday you asked me something I thought you knew
So I told you with a smile, "It's all about you"
Then you whispered in my ear and you told me too
Said, "You make my life worth while"
"It's all about you"
And I would answer all your wishes if you ask me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses don't know what I'd do
So hold me close and say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles
It's all about you
Yeah
And I would answer all your wishes if you asked me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses don't know what I'd do
So hold me close and say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles
Yes
You make my life worth while
So I told you with a smile, "It's all about you"
It's all about you
(It's about you)
It's all about you baby
(It's all about)
Merry Christmas in advance! ^3^ kiss kiss emoticon KEKE
Anyway, that wasn't the point. The point was that, because this variety show's about 7 girl group idols having to lead a countryside lifestyle (aka they have to be self sustainable), it seems to really help them learn a lot about being down to earth and thus mature, and also become closer with one another. I think the show gives a heartwarming feel! Coupled with their humour, it really becomes fun to watch. (: Ah how I wish I could join one programme like that too! I wanna have an experience like that.
Okay, that was the happy part of my post. The emo part (which is not very emo also):
Hmm k recently I just got hooked on I Did Wrong by 2AM. Considerably old song, but nice. The very start, when they begin singing (and then got the weird electric echoey effect) that part, it just makes me get goosebumps. Like for a few seconds, cause there'll be this weird electric echoey effect to the song, it'll make me feel this heartbreak-like feeling inside of me :O Idk how to explain but you get it lah ah! Haha!
Alright, heard this nice and EVEN older song on IY, english song! :D Fits the christmas mood somemore. ^^
All About You - McFly
It's all about you
(It's about you)
It's all about you baby
(It's all about)
It's all about you
(It's about you)
It's all about you
Yesterday you asked me something I thought you knew
So I told you with a smile, "It's all about you"
Then you whispered in my ear and you told me too
Said, "You make my life worth while"
"It's all about you"
And I would answer all your wishes if you ask me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses don't know what I'd do
So hold me close and say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles
It's all about you
Yeah
And I would answer all your wishes if you asked me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses don't know what I'd do
So hold me close and say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles
Yes
You make my life worth while
So I told you with a smile, "It's all about you"
It's all about you
(It's about you)
It's all about you baby
(It's all about)
Merry Christmas in advance! ^3^ kiss kiss emoticon KEKE
Friday, December 17, 2010
A merger of both
Amazingly, I'm not K-crazying right now. Haha yeah, this is rare.
Right now, I feel so tired. But somehow, I know very well that if I go sleep now, I'll just end up tossing and turning and unable to sleep.
The K-craze has managed to distract me for a while from all that I've been trying to avoid, but in this cold and emo weather, I guess I can't help but think about everything again. It's like it's trying to remind me not to lose myself in my escapade since it's only for momentary relief from everything, and that I still need to face all these.
All these what? All these problems. All the things going around me right now. Sometimes I act like I don't know, sometimes I act like I don't care. Sometimes it seems to not bother me. I deceive myself too much, I think I'm so good at hiding my feelings I myself get lost and absorbed in my self-comforting lies.
Everyone keeps feelings to themselves.
I'm no exception.. Just that maybe, I keep my feelings FROM myself too. I'm sick of having to deny how happy/tired/sad/jealous/stressed about certain things I am.
I'm so well versed in the art of self-deception.
Right now, I feel so tired. But somehow, I know very well that if I go sleep now, I'll just end up tossing and turning and unable to sleep.
The K-craze has managed to distract me for a while from all that I've been trying to avoid, but in this cold and emo weather, I guess I can't help but think about everything again. It's like it's trying to remind me not to lose myself in my escapade since it's only for momentary relief from everything, and that I still need to face all these.
All these what? All these problems. All the things going around me right now. Sometimes I act like I don't know, sometimes I act like I don't care. Sometimes it seems to not bother me. I deceive myself too much, I think I'm so good at hiding my feelings I myself get lost and absorbed in my self-comforting lies.
Everyone keeps feelings to themselves.
I'm no exception.. Just that maybe, I keep my feelings FROM myself too. I'm sick of having to deny how happy/tired/sad/jealous/stressed about certain things I am.
I'm so well versed in the art of self-deception.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
!
Woah I used to love this song like MAD when I was younger! Today is the first time I've heard it and know the title.
Bizarre Love Triangle - Frente
Every time I think of you
I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine
But it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind
But there's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of the fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
well every day my confusion grows
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say
I feel fine and I feel good
I'm feeling like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say
Bizarre Love Triangle - Frente
Every time I think of you
I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine
But it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind
But there's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of the fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
well every day my confusion grows
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say
I feel fine and I feel good
I'm feeling like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say
Friday, December 10, 2010
Obsessed.
Okay I am mad now. All I think about EVERY day is about going home to watch videos and whatever, on my korean stuff. Am I mad? Yes.
We Got Married, Brown Eyed Girls. They are NEVER not on my mind. Read this phrase carefully: NOT on my mind.
Anyway, back to reality.. I think I really need to get them off my mind, or my A'levels are a goner. The reason why I resisted the Kwave so much back in secondary school was because I knew I would NEVER study (and get past O's) if I got obsessed. Then now, oh great, I THOUGHT I wouldn't get obsessed so I tried, and turned out I became worse than obsessed -- I'm addicted. I don't even have the patience to hang around facebook anymore. And I don't wanna use MSN (esp. since it kena-ed some virus). And blogging... Wah I'm only blogging now cause today I was out the whole day, so I got some time to think through things a little. This is bad..
But, what I thought of? Ah, can I put all in point form?
- I realized I'm quite a jealous person. I didn't even realize it myself, but after putting bits and pieces of my thoughts and behaviour from past to present together, I realized that. You know why they always say "When someone dislikes you, it's cause they're jealous of you."? Haha I kind of find some truth in that.. Yep.
- I seek approval a lot. I've always wanted to be someone who's independent and has her own individual thinking, but.. I seek the views and opinions of other people too much. Not as in I literally ask them, but I yearn for their opinions to approve of me. So yeah, I always end up doing stuff which people want me to do, not what I myself want to do. Which sucks.. I wanna change this, but I can't imagine doing something which people don't think I should do. The thought of it tortures me. I'm like the kid in dramas who always seeks the attention and approval of all the adults. Lol that's me.
- I am a slacker, and I am trying to change.
- I am too nice at inappropriate moments.
Okay, this post is getting draggy. My mind is already wandering off........ ):
Bye!
We Got Married, Brown Eyed Girls. They are NEVER not on my mind. Read this phrase carefully: NOT on my mind.
Anyway, back to reality.. I think I really need to get them off my mind, or my A'levels are a goner. The reason why I resisted the Kwave so much back in secondary school was because I knew I would NEVER study (and get past O's) if I got obsessed. Then now, oh great, I THOUGHT I wouldn't get obsessed so I tried, and turned out I became worse than obsessed -- I'm addicted. I don't even have the patience to hang around facebook anymore. And I don't wanna use MSN (esp. since it kena-ed some virus). And blogging... Wah I'm only blogging now cause today I was out the whole day, so I got some time to think through things a little. This is bad..
But, what I thought of? Ah, can I put all in point form?
- I realized I'm quite a jealous person. I didn't even realize it myself, but after putting bits and pieces of my thoughts and behaviour from past to present together, I realized that. You know why they always say "When someone dislikes you, it's cause they're jealous of you."? Haha I kind of find some truth in that.. Yep.
- I seek approval a lot. I've always wanted to be someone who's independent and has her own individual thinking, but.. I seek the views and opinions of other people too much. Not as in I literally ask them, but I yearn for their opinions to approve of me. So yeah, I always end up doing stuff which people want me to do, not what I myself want to do. Which sucks.. I wanna change this, but I can't imagine doing something which people don't think I should do. The thought of it tortures me. I'm like the kid in dramas who always seeks the attention and approval of all the adults. Lol that's me.
- I am a slacker, and I am trying to change.
- I am too nice at inappropriate moments.
Okay, this post is getting draggy. My mind is already wandering off........ ):
Bye!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Alternate universe
Saw this pickup line which I found super funny. Okay, I don't know why I find it funny when it's actually really sweet, but ah neverminddd.
"Hey, did it hurt?":p Being weird.
"Huh? Did what hurt?"
"You falling from heaven. Cause if you're not an angel, then I don't know what you are."
Monday, December 6, 2010
Sunday
"I quietly go back to sleep, but in the inside I'm screaming" (Drunk On Sleep)
Had a friendly against RV High today! Man, it was tiring like hell. Seriously, it was the first time I actually couldn't catch my breath in time before I had to continue running for my life. Life = ball. Hais, stamina super cui! I was so afraid that we wouldn't be able to win with this kind of physique.
Thankfully..... WE WON! :D 5-3! But I heard that they were mostly new Sec 4s, so I felt quite bad. I really hope we improve enough for A'div..
Mm, then ate Pizza Hut with the girls, and went to play LAN! Tiring siol, my head is spinning. I guess playing against others bonds us more. The reason why we're so clique-ish is cause we're always playing against each other during training! Ah, sucks. Wish we can have more friendlies!
Shag to the max. Bai!
Had a friendly against RV High today! Man, it was tiring like hell. Seriously, it was the first time I actually couldn't catch my breath in time before I had to continue running for my life. Life = ball. Hais, stamina super cui! I was so afraid that we wouldn't be able to win with this kind of physique.
Thankfully..... WE WON! :D 5-3! But I heard that they were mostly new Sec 4s, so I felt quite bad. I really hope we improve enough for A'div..
Mm, then ate Pizza Hut with the girls, and went to play LAN! Tiring siol, my head is spinning. I guess playing against others bonds us more. The reason why we're so clique-ish is cause we're always playing against each other during training! Ah, sucks. Wish we can have more friendlies!
Shag to the max. Bai!
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Drunk on Sleep
It's been such a long time since I've heard a song that makes me cry.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vI65q_I7TTE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vI65q_I7TTE
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Fists clenched.
I really want to be in a world of my own sometimes. I'm much too.. torn.. in the world out there. Out here.
Saw a quote.
Saw a quote.
Some say having something is better than having nothing at all. But the truth is, having something halfway is harder than having nothing at all. – Author unknown
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Lost for words
Haha I've been really reluctant to blog lately. Oh well. Fell sick after going swimming on Sunday! ): Anyway, heard a song I haven't heard in a longggg time today, nostalgic much.
Nothing I can do anymore anyway.
I've become increasingly nonchalant with things too. Is this part of growing up? On Monday I went for my secondary school softball chalet, and I felt old there. The games didn't excite me as much as before, all I wanted to do was sleep (I'm serious) and I didn't care about attention anymore. Yup, I guesssss it's all part of growing up. But then again.. I feel like my nonchalance is making me indifferent about peoples' emotions. I no longer care as much.
Today, for the first time, I actually shook my mom's hand off when she tried to hook my arm. Even I was shocked by myself. I felt so guilty about it, but I didn't do anything. My mom then talked about something else like she didn't think much about it, and I hope she didn't either.. What is becoming of me? Selfish, self absorbed, self centred. The me of last year would never have been like that. What has become of me? ):
不知不觉 你已经离开我Yup, all of a sudden, it's been one year! So many things have changed in this short lapse of time. Short, because there's been so much to do, and so much I've missed. There are so many things I've let go of, some which should have been long ago, and some which I should have held on tightly.
不知不觉 我跟了这节奏
后知后觉 又过了一个秋
后知后觉 我该好好生活
Nothing I can do anymore anyway.
I've become increasingly nonchalant with things too. Is this part of growing up? On Monday I went for my secondary school softball chalet, and I felt old there. The games didn't excite me as much as before, all I wanted to do was sleep (I'm serious) and I didn't care about attention anymore. Yup, I guesssss it's all part of growing up. But then again.. I feel like my nonchalance is making me indifferent about peoples' emotions. I no longer care as much.
Today, for the first time, I actually shook my mom's hand off when she tried to hook my arm. Even I was shocked by myself. I felt so guilty about it, but I didn't do anything. My mom then talked about something else like she didn't think much about it, and I hope she didn't either.. What is becoming of me? Selfish, self absorbed, self centred. The me of last year would never have been like that. What has become of me? ):
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Human nature
Follow what good feelings your heart has, and ignore the bad. Follow what positive thoughts your mind has, and ignore the negative. ...if you can.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
I try to be grateful.
Hey, today is Thanksgiving Day! (4th Thursday of every Nov) So yeah, gonna thank some people. You may/may not read this post, and your name may/may not be here, but it doesn't mean I have nothing to thank you for. Just gonna be to my family, cliques, and a few other people. Nanyang based.
My mother (who obviously won't see this): Thanks for enduring the shit I give you every single day, and not walking out on me even though you could have any time you wanted.
My second brother: Thanks for not flaring up when I scream at you out of no reason. Thanks for always taking my side.
Alphabetical order:
Alicia: Thanks for being such an easygoing friend, always willing to go with what we want. (:
Alison: Thanks for being so retarded and always playing with me, it all started with a "Want fight ah?!" :p
Angel: Thanks for trying your best to help the team, and putting up with all the trouble we give.. (:
Calise: Thanks for always helping me keep up with school stuff when I pon school, and always giving me encouraging advice when I need it!! (':
Catherine: Thanks for giving each of us so much advice, I can see the best intentions you have for us, only wanting to help us and not harm us, even if you seem to be angry at us sometimes. ;)
Chekwei: Thanks for being a great brother to me, for having listened to me everytime I needed to rant, and for making me laugh and smile so many times. (:
Cindy: Thanks for always putting up with us when we disturb you, and thanks for being such a hardworking friend which I can look up to! (:
Diondra: Thanks for being my telepathic old new emo buddy, for giving me so much laughter and heartwarming moments! Thanks that I can always feel relaxed and go crazy when I'm with you, and thanks for giving me so much love (':
Huixian: Thanks for being my fake lover and providing me with so much joy and laughter when we're together, and always being on my side to scold people who are against me and making me laugh. <3
Huiyang: Thanks for being so encouraging, and for being someone I can talk with about anything to do with life, and for being a role model for me to follow. ;)
Shanice: Thanks for always listening to us when we're talking about floorball, though you may not know a bit of it, and thanks for always trying to understand even when you could have just left what we say as it is. (:
Shiqi: Thanks for growing with me in God, and for giving me so much encouragement everytime I face a setback! And thanks for being everyone's source of entertainment whenever school seems so boring, you're a great friend to all of us (:
Siaoyi: Thanks for working so hard to accomodate to me as a partner in floorball, and thanks for always laughing at my lame jokes and humouring me. Thanks for being a great friend to talk to and joke with! :D
Weiling: Thanks for being my sister all this while, thanks for providing me with so much consolation and encouragement everytime, always being there for me, thanks for all the letters and presents, thanks for all the considerate acts and words, thanks for the laughter, thanks for the smiles, thanks for the time, thanks for so so much!! And thanks for the countless times I haven't been a good friend, yet you still loved me as a sister. (:
Vivien: Thanks for always noticing something's wrong, and trying to dig it out from me, thanks for always laughing at my retarded jokes, for being so silly with me everytime, thanks for the fun times you've given to me, thanks for the memorable events we've had, thanks for sharing a common experience with me and understanding me! And thanks for the love you've shown to me, twin! (:
Last but NOT least, to God:
Thank You for all these people you have placed in my life, and the others I haven't mentioned too. Thank You for blessing me so so much. ((:
My mother (who obviously won't see this): Thanks for enduring the shit I give you every single day, and not walking out on me even though you could have any time you wanted.
My second brother: Thanks for not flaring up when I scream at you out of no reason. Thanks for always taking my side.
Alphabetical order:
Alicia: Thanks for being such an easygoing friend, always willing to go with what we want. (:
Alison: Thanks for being so retarded and always playing with me, it all started with a "Want fight ah?!" :p
Angel: Thanks for trying your best to help the team, and putting up with all the trouble we give.. (:
Calise: Thanks for always helping me keep up with school stuff when I pon school, and always giving me encouraging advice when I need it!! (':
Catherine: Thanks for giving each of us so much advice, I can see the best intentions you have for us, only wanting to help us and not harm us, even if you seem to be angry at us sometimes. ;)
Chekwei: Thanks for being a great brother to me, for having listened to me everytime I needed to rant, and for making me laugh and smile so many times. (:
Cindy: Thanks for always putting up with us when we disturb you, and thanks for being such a hardworking friend which I can look up to! (:
Diondra: Thanks for being my telepathic old new emo buddy, for giving me so much laughter and heartwarming moments! Thanks that I can always feel relaxed and go crazy when I'm with you, and thanks for giving me so much love (':
Huixian: Thanks for being my fake lover and providing me with so much joy and laughter when we're together, and always being on my side to scold people who are against me and making me laugh. <3
Huiyang: Thanks for being so encouraging, and for being someone I can talk with about anything to do with life, and for being a role model for me to follow. ;)
Shanice: Thanks for always listening to us when we're talking about floorball, though you may not know a bit of it, and thanks for always trying to understand even when you could have just left what we say as it is. (:
Shiqi: Thanks for growing with me in God, and for giving me so much encouragement everytime I face a setback! And thanks for being everyone's source of entertainment whenever school seems so boring, you're a great friend to all of us (:
Siaoyi: Thanks for working so hard to accomodate to me as a partner in floorball, and thanks for always laughing at my lame jokes and humouring me. Thanks for being a great friend to talk to and joke with! :D
Weiling: Thanks for being my sister all this while, thanks for providing me with so much consolation and encouragement everytime, always being there for me, thanks for all the letters and presents, thanks for all the considerate acts and words, thanks for the laughter, thanks for the smiles, thanks for the time, thanks for so so much!! And thanks for the countless times I haven't been a good friend, yet you still loved me as a sister. (:
Vivien: Thanks for always noticing something's wrong, and trying to dig it out from me, thanks for always laughing at my retarded jokes, for being so silly with me everytime, thanks for the fun times you've given to me, thanks for the memorable events we've had, thanks for sharing a common experience with me and understanding me! And thanks for the love you've shown to me, twin! (:
Last but NOT least, to God:
Thank You for all these people you have placed in my life, and the others I haven't mentioned too. Thank You for blessing me so so much. ((:
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Nightmares
Okay hi I have no idea how to start this blog post, cause my thoughts are everywhere. Ahhhhh. Anyhow, okay?
I'm reading this fanfic now, and I came across this sidenote by the author that said "sometimes, the expectations we have of the people we love only puts more burden on them". She was referring to the Korean artistes, cause inside the fanfic it was how the fans reacted to the relationship the girl and guy shared, and it was causing them loads of trouble blahblah.
Note: This blogpost is gonna get.. personal?
Okay, so I transferred this thought to myself. I mentioned in one of my previous blogposts (July: What to say, what not to say) that I really don't like 'expectations'.. Ahhh, yeah, everyone only means well and it's only human to expect something, but how I wish this didn't exist. But then again, without Hope what would we live for, and without Expectation how would we derive Surprise and Satisfaction..? The other side of the coin would then by what I'm most afraid of: Disappointment. Maybe this is something I need to learn to handle, cause I face it only too often. But that's also why I'd rather Expectations didn't exist.. Ah freak. I really really experience internal struggles within my mind very often. Maybe it's the mind VS the heart.
I question myself pretty often if the reason why I'm such a loser is cause I never ever truly pick myself up from every fall -- do I actually just close my eyes to the setback and numb myself to whatever emotions I have?
I don't know, I'm just wondering. Cause my problems always seem to resurface and creep into my life every single time. I always claim to cry, and then continue my life, but.. Ahhh. I just hide it deeper in my heart every time. The demon I'm facing now, no, who's BEHIND and INSIDE of me now, playing with my every emotion, is using.. floorball now. Every comment and every criticism, I try to correct myself to them, but nothing happens. Seriously, NOTHING happens. It's like me, trying to throw something so hard into the air in hope of reaching greater heights, but all that happens right after that is that it drops down right back at me, hitting me right smack in the face. For a moment that day, something inside me told me I hated floorball. But I knew it wasn't true, I liked this sport so much. I guess it was Expectations placing its burden on me again. And yes, people around me are those who only want the best for me, and I am so thankful towards them. The problem now is me. The invisible wall in front of me is.. Unbreakable. Every attempt at shooting, passing, dribbling, whatever, is just a gentle tap on the wall. And on the other side of this wall, is something called Improvement. "Outdo your limits", they often say. But when it's such a weak me against such a huge wall, what good does it do? I am so f-ing angry with myself, and when I use the F word (which btw is never), I mean something.
Okay, nevermind about that first. Now on to another thing I wanted to talk about: Friends. Is the reliance we dub as friendship one that says: "Find me when you need, throw me when you don't"? Really, don't you look for someone when you're having fun, and another when you need encouragement and consolation? So, when you're trouble free you have so much fun with someone, and then forget all about the other friend who was there for you when you needed them.
Argh, senseless ranting. I'm such an angry person recently, I'm sorry. Ah freak.
I'm reading this fanfic now, and I came across this sidenote by the author that said "sometimes, the expectations we have of the people we love only puts more burden on them". She was referring to the Korean artistes, cause inside the fanfic it was how the fans reacted to the relationship the girl and guy shared, and it was causing them loads of trouble blahblah.
Note: This blogpost is gonna get.. personal?
Okay, so I transferred this thought to myself. I mentioned in one of my previous blogposts (July: What to say, what not to say) that I really don't like 'expectations'.. Ahhh, yeah, everyone only means well and it's only human to expect something, but how I wish this didn't exist. But then again, without Hope what would we live for, and without Expectation how would we derive Surprise and Satisfaction..? The other side of the coin would then by what I'm most afraid of: Disappointment. Maybe this is something I need to learn to handle, cause I face it only too often. But that's also why I'd rather Expectations didn't exist.. Ah freak. I really really experience internal struggles within my mind very often. Maybe it's the mind VS the heart.
I question myself pretty often if the reason why I'm such a loser is cause I never ever truly pick myself up from every fall -- do I actually just close my eyes to the setback and numb myself to whatever emotions I have?
I don't know, I'm just wondering. Cause my problems always seem to resurface and creep into my life every single time. I always claim to cry, and then continue my life, but.. Ahhh. I just hide it deeper in my heart every time. The demon I'm facing now, no, who's BEHIND and INSIDE of me now, playing with my every emotion, is using.. floorball now. Every comment and every criticism, I try to correct myself to them, but nothing happens. Seriously, NOTHING happens. It's like me, trying to throw something so hard into the air in hope of reaching greater heights, but all that happens right after that is that it drops down right back at me, hitting me right smack in the face. For a moment that day, something inside me told me I hated floorball. But I knew it wasn't true, I liked this sport so much. I guess it was Expectations placing its burden on me again. And yes, people around me are those who only want the best for me, and I am so thankful towards them. The problem now is me. The invisible wall in front of me is.. Unbreakable. Every attempt at shooting, passing, dribbling, whatever, is just a gentle tap on the wall. And on the other side of this wall, is something called Improvement. "Outdo your limits", they often say. But when it's such a weak me against such a huge wall, what good does it do? I am so f-ing angry with myself, and when I use the F word (which btw is never), I mean something.
Okay, nevermind about that first. Now on to another thing I wanted to talk about: Friends. Is the reliance we dub as friendship one that says: "Find me when you need, throw me when you don't"? Really, don't you look for someone when you're having fun, and another when you need encouragement and consolation? So, when you're trouble free you have so much fun with someone, and then forget all about the other friend who was there for you when you needed them.
Argh, senseless ranting. I'm such an angry person recently, I'm sorry. Ah freak.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Fallacy
I have this two friends who are both really nice people and they're really close - they've been best friends since kindergarten. And the reason why they became besties was cause of a very simple incident.
Friendship. <3
*A breaks B's pencil (or something)*I really like this, it's heartwarming. They've stayed best friends ever since.
*B cries*
A: Ahhh sorryyyy! Don't cry, don't cry! I be your best friend k!!!
Friendship. <3
I question my heart
HELLO! Okay this was supposed to be a pretty serious post but I totally forgot after me and my brother (biological) started stalking people on Facebook. Vut duh hiao.
Okay and so it shall be random. Haha! Hmm right now I'm reading this book, Giants of Asia: Conversations with Lee Kuan Yew, by Tom Plate. It's a pretty interesting read, nothing to do with politics (okay I'm lying) but more of about him. He is the man. I like him! If I had to make myself model after someone successful, it'd be him. There was this thing he said which I think is wah, sensible man. He said something about his bad temper, and then that a successful leader is feared and loved. And then he said that if he had to choose between the two, he thinks fearful is the one to choose -- it helps get things done. True much. Not to mention that most Singaporeans do love him now, haha he has proved his beliefs correct.
But okay, this is IF I really want to be a leader that bad. I mean, I like leading cause I feel accomplished when goals are achieved. The thing is, I'm not one who likes the approach of injecting fear (although it is hell effective) to get things done. I prefer persuasion to get willingness and effort, which is a much less effective way which requires so much more effort. Hmm, I'm weird, and I'm sorry to say that the only times this leadership style has proven effective is during amazing race kind of competitions. Short term kind. Yeah, during my Sec 2 year, we had softball camp and I was the only Sec 2 group leader among the Sec 3 leaders. And my group won. Then in my Sec 4 year (Sec 3 year we were in charge of planning) my group won again. But these are really just useless cause I've never been able to lead a proper team to achieve a long term goal, which by the way, is what's more crucial. Me, I only know how to play, yup.
Oh I remember the serious thing I wanted to blog about already. Um, 'serious' with the apostrophes hahaha. Like what my facebook status says, I met a cockroach in the bathroom just now and I failed in killing it. Looking beyond the comical surface of this (which is quite hard..), for a moment just now while I was staring at the cockroach, I felt so.. weak.
Like, wts, I'm scared of such a SMALL thing. Which is like, 1/500 of my size?! You have NO IDEA how scared I was just now. Okay, I gripped my floorball stick until my palm sweated, and my hands shook when I was preparing to hit. And I 'prepared' to hit the cockroach around 3-4 times but backed off at the last second everytime. And when I finally did, I missed. I had a second chance to hit it, but this time it was upside down, under the shampoo rack. When I hit it (Idk whether it got hit or not) it dropped, and disappeared. I was too scared to go in anymore, so I didn't finish bathing.. Yeah, that's how vulnerable I am when I face my deepest fear (as in only in terms of things and not thoughts/emotions) and when I walked into my room later on, I totally jumped when I saw this black thing on my table. Wts, it was just my earphone ._.
There's this FB post that I saw that said something like, The stronger I am on the outside, the weaker I get on the inside. Hmm yeah I totally understand that personally. And oh, I want to be more self-disciplined, though it's pretty hard. No, VERY hard. All I like to do is play, what else? When can I settle down..?
Recently I don't like thinking consciously. My mind's a blank most of the time cept for maybe destinations, time, movements, emotions, conversations. Ah I shall go back to reading my book now, byebye!
Okay and so it shall be random. Haha! Hmm right now I'm reading this book, Giants of Asia: Conversations with Lee Kuan Yew, by Tom Plate. It's a pretty interesting read, nothing to do with politics (okay I'm lying) but more of about him. He is the man. I like him! If I had to make myself model after someone successful, it'd be him. There was this thing he said which I think is wah, sensible man. He said something about his bad temper, and then that a successful leader is feared and loved. And then he said that if he had to choose between the two, he thinks fearful is the one to choose -- it helps get things done. True much. Not to mention that most Singaporeans do love him now, haha he has proved his beliefs correct.
But okay, this is IF I really want to be a leader that bad. I mean, I like leading cause I feel accomplished when goals are achieved. The thing is, I'm not one who likes the approach of injecting fear (although it is hell effective) to get things done. I prefer persuasion to get willingness and effort, which is a much less effective way which requires so much more effort. Hmm, I'm weird, and I'm sorry to say that the only times this leadership style has proven effective is during amazing race kind of competitions. Short term kind. Yeah, during my Sec 2 year, we had softball camp and I was the only Sec 2 group leader among the Sec 3 leaders. And my group won. Then in my Sec 4 year (Sec 3 year we were in charge of planning) my group won again. But these are really just useless cause I've never been able to lead a proper team to achieve a long term goal, which by the way, is what's more crucial. Me, I only know how to play, yup.
Oh I remember the serious thing I wanted to blog about already. Um, 'serious' with the apostrophes hahaha. Like what my facebook status says, I met a cockroach in the bathroom just now and I failed in killing it. Looking beyond the comical surface of this (which is quite hard..), for a moment just now while I was staring at the cockroach, I felt so.. weak.
Like, wts, I'm scared of such a SMALL thing. Which is like, 1/500 of my size?! You have NO IDEA how scared I was just now. Okay, I gripped my floorball stick until my palm sweated, and my hands shook when I was preparing to hit. And I 'prepared' to hit the cockroach around 3-4 times but backed off at the last second everytime. And when I finally did, I missed. I had a second chance to hit it, but this time it was upside down, under the shampoo rack. When I hit it (Idk whether it got hit or not) it dropped, and disappeared. I was too scared to go in anymore, so I didn't finish bathing.. Yeah, that's how vulnerable I am when I face my deepest fear (as in only in terms of things and not thoughts/emotions) and when I walked into my room later on, I totally jumped when I saw this black thing on my table. Wts, it was just my earphone ._.
There's this FB post that I saw that said something like, The stronger I am on the outside, the weaker I get on the inside. Hmm yeah I totally understand that personally. And oh, I want to be more self-disciplined, though it's pretty hard. No, VERY hard. All I like to do is play, what else? When can I settle down..?
Recently I don't like thinking consciously. My mind's a blank most of the time cept for maybe destinations, time, movements, emotions, conversations. Ah I shall go back to reading my book now, byebye!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Memory loss
Okay, so.... I promoted. This seemed impossible to me before, but these few days I kept hearing news about how the retainees would have been contacted, but I wasn't, so okay.. But I'm not happy. Of course, I don't want to retain, but I know I should have did. It doesn't make any sense to me that I got worse results and had poorer conduct than people, yet I promoted and they retained. I feel so guilty, I feel like shit. Life is unfair. So what, I'm a 4 H2s ELL student, vice-captain of floorball, with L1R5 10-2 then I get promoted? "The teachers promote you if they think your standard is there", okay, I do hope I prove this sentence right and live up to the people who might've gotten promoted if I didn't exist, yeah. Or else I'm just a wasted chance. God, I hope I make full use of it, please help me....
Then, today our class also got told by Mdm Ainon that she won't be following us up to J2. So we asked why. She said she had some medical condition and she's been delaying the surgery so as to not affect our studies.. and she apologized for always not being there for lessons and all. So she decided to request to not follow us up cause she felt she wouldn't be able to give us the proper education we needed. We didn't know the whole year. Ah and this is what we shallow people who judge her have said: that she's a lousy teacher, always slacking and not caring about us, and okay there's worse. See how we humans judge? We are SUCH BITCHES. I hate it! She's been so nice to us, to me especially. My perception of her changed the day she signed my reccomendation form for the Taiwan trip and wrote some super nice stuff there, even though she had been scolding my head off the entire first half of the year cause of latecomings and late assignments. I hate myself. Today she cried. I did too.
Alright, and then there's the people who are SO HELL SELF CENTRED they declare publicly how they've been promoted. HELLO, we all know somehow who retained so if you're not one of them you probably promoted and so YOU ARE NOT THAT SPECIAL, OKAY? Instead, can you imagine how hurt a retainee would feel upon reading your facebook post or whatever? I am so angry, but okay none of these people are gonna see my scoldings over here so yeah. If any of 'you' do, and if you're unhappy, feel free to close this window, kthxbai. I really don't like how insensitive people are, or have become. I really don't understand this society.
So irritated. And just something random I wanna say: I don't show my true emotions.
And a heartbreaking video, wah nice song, though it's real old:
Haru Haru - Big Bang
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fO8F7lDhbAM&feature=fvst
Then, today our class also got told by Mdm Ainon that she won't be following us up to J2. So we asked why. She said she had some medical condition and she's been delaying the surgery so as to not affect our studies.. and she apologized for always not being there for lessons and all. So she decided to request to not follow us up cause she felt she wouldn't be able to give us the proper education we needed. We didn't know the whole year. Ah and this is what we shallow people who judge her have said: that she's a lousy teacher, always slacking and not caring about us, and okay there's worse. See how we humans judge? We are SUCH BITCHES. I hate it! She's been so nice to us, to me especially. My perception of her changed the day she signed my reccomendation form for the Taiwan trip and wrote some super nice stuff there, even though she had been scolding my head off the entire first half of the year cause of latecomings and late assignments. I hate myself. Today she cried. I did too.
Alright, and then there's the people who are SO HELL SELF CENTRED they declare publicly how they've been promoted. HELLO, we all know somehow who retained so if you're not one of them you probably promoted and so YOU ARE NOT THAT SPECIAL, OKAY? Instead, can you imagine how hurt a retainee would feel upon reading your facebook post or whatever? I am so angry, but okay none of these people are gonna see my scoldings over here so yeah. If any of 'you' do, and if you're unhappy, feel free to close this window, kthxbai. I really don't like how insensitive people are, or have become. I really don't understand this society.
So irritated. And just something random I wanna say: I don't show my true emotions.
And a heartbreaking video, wah nice song, though it's real old:
Haru Haru - Big Bang
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fO8F7lDhbAM&feature=fvst
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